Longing for Normal - Fibromyalgia Go Away

Most of the time now, I've gotten used to the Fibro. I'm thankful for it and learning from it. Hopefully I'm finding ways to give God the glory and allow it to mold my character.

Some days are harder than others. Today has been one of those. With every part of my being, I just really longed to be normal. To feel normal again. To not fight pain, fatigue, temperature sensitivities, and my host of other issues. Just once.

Today was really hard. I willed my Fibromyalgia to go away.

No luck.

*sigh*

I'm thankful I was able to spend some time with the Lord this morning before work. I skimmed through some Psalms I'd previously underlined and was really encouraged.

Psalm 42:11 "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God."

Psalm 43:4 "Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God." {emphasis mine}

Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

Psalm 50:15 "and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me."

Psalm 55:22 "Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved."

Psalm 56:10-11 "In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

A recent post by some friends really encouraged me this morning. For them specifically it is in regards to their adoption process. But I think this also applies well to many facets of life--whether Fibro, children, relationships, etc. Whatever you're going through, may it be an encouragement to you too:

Don't be discouraged.... This is a good reminder to have our hope and delight in God, and not in having children. God is the fountain of living waters, and we need to learn to be satisfied in him, and all that he is. And we need to be satisfied in his Son. If we do this, rivers of living waters will flow out of us. This potential delay is a reminder not to put our hope for satisfaction in children. 

And God is in complete control. He will do what is good for us. If we have to wait a bit longer than expected, it is from God out of love, for our good. We can rest in him.... Don't be discouraged. We have no idea how long or short the wait will be, we just need to rest in God.

~From Don and Sara, reposted with permission, for more visit their adoption blog at 7500 miles

Days like this, I tend to play Hold My Heart by Tenth Avenue North over and over. Listen to it here {scroll down to their 1st album Over and Underneath, it's song #6, just hit the play button next to the song title}.

How long must I pray
Must I pray to You?
How long must I wait
Must I wait for You?
How long till I see Your face
See You shining through

I'm on my knees
Begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees
Father, will You turn to me

One tear in the driving rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way
I'm done asking why

So many questions without answers
Your promises remain
I can't see but I'll take my chances
To hear you call my name
To hear you call my name

Lyrics from Tenth Avenue North.

Lord, please hold my heart. I'm really struggling today with having this illness you've allowed into my life. I think I know why. But it's hard. I want to honor you God, but right now I can literally barely stand without horrendous and dizzying pain. Whether you choose to deliver me from this here on earth or when I go to Heaven, I truly do wish to bring you more honor and glory. Today is just really hard. Please give me strength and supernatural energy to carry on. I need your grace and mercy anew this moment. In Jesus name, Amen.