The day came and went without me even knowing it.
Apparently Fibromyalgia Awareness Day was earlier this week. Whoops!
At this point in my journey, I'm ready for life to just be more than Fibro. I don't want the pain and fatigue that I face every moment of every day to define me. So I just honestly don't keep tabs on that info much anymore. But I still do have things to say about it sometimes (though, seriously, isn't just looking at my baby... er, toddler... way cuter and more fun?!?! ;)).
And though I certainly wish I wasn't facing this all the time, I have truly learned to be thankful for it. Beyond what I could ever really put into words. It's changed me, grown my ability to be more compassionate toward the pain of others, and it has strengthened me in places I didn't know existed.
Fibromyalgia, in case you aren't aware, is all over body pain and fatigue. Constantly. It doesn't come and go in waves. It's not there one moment and gone the next. People who have Fibromyalgia deal with unimaginable pain. If you don't have it, you can't even begin to fully comprehend the level of suffering we endure daily.
Day in and day out. All over. Constant.
We hurt. We ache. We fall apart. We can barely stand because the utter fatigue weighs us down and threatens to knock us onto our backs regularly. We want to scream because it hurts so much.
Then there are the flare-ups. Ohhh. Such pain and debilitating fatigue. It's like nothing I can explain. So we try not to push too hard, to overdue it, to say yes to too much, to get stuck in situations that we can't get out of, or to over-commit. It taxes our bodies far beyond what a normal body would feel by overdoing it.
But because our pain isn't seen, it's often thought of even still as just IN OUR HEADS.
This is so ridiculous and it just gives us great stress. Which ironically makes us feel 100x worse than we already did.
Not only does Fibro come with pain and fatigue, it also comes with a host of other symptoms, which vary from person-to-person since Fibro is such an individualized syndrome/illness:
- irritable bowel syndrome
- acid reflux
- brain fog
- headaches
- anxiety
- depression
- insomnia or sleep disturbances
- numbness or tingling in hands, arms, legs, and feet
- cramps/weakness
- balance/coordination problems
- muscle spasms
- sensitivities to touch, smells, and lights
- intensely painful menstrual cramps
- restless legs syndrome
- impaired memory and concentration
- dry eyes and mouth
- ringing in the ears
- dizziness
- vision problems
[not an all-inclusive list -- taken from various websites]
So yeah. You don't wake up and wish you had this. But when you have it, you fight. You get up, you keep going (not every day, but most days).
You find inner resolve and strength. You find people like you. And you try to help others understand and become more aware so that we feel less isolated and more cared about.
Fibromyalgia. It can be a killer of your joy, but only if you let it.
Showing posts with label Fibro Stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fibro Stuff. Show all posts
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
You Don't Look So Good
A word of advice.
When someone doesn't look like they feel well, please don't tell them any of the following phrases:
You don't look so good!
Man, you look awful today.
Do you not feel well? You look terrible.
You don't look like you're feeling well.
You look especially tired today.
When you don't feel well, you already know you probably don't look well. You don't need to hear reinforcements that you actually really do look terrible.
And yes I've heard all of those phrases, often in the same day from different people. Talk about depressing....
For someone like me who never has a 100% feeling-great day, has Fibromyalgia, is a hypochondriac, and has low self-esteem, the words "You don't look so good" send me into a downward spiral of anxiety, fear, frustration, and self-hatred.
Seriously, just don't say that to people.
Whatever happened to "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"?!?!
I don't understand the motivation behind people being careless with the way they speak. Especially those I know are well aware of my illness.
I know people technically mean well and are trying to tell me that they care, but it's a weird way of doing it in my mind.
I am sick every day. Telling me I look awful just demeans the fabric of my being.
When someone doesn't look like they feel well, please don't tell them any of the following phrases:
You don't look so good!
Man, you look awful today.
Do you not feel well? You look terrible.
You don't look like you're feeling well.
You look especially tired today.
When you don't feel well, you already know you probably don't look well. You don't need to hear reinforcements that you actually really do look terrible.
And yes I've heard all of those phrases, often in the same day from different people. Talk about depressing....
For someone like me who never has a 100% feeling-great day, has Fibromyalgia, is a hypochondriac, and has low self-esteem, the words "You don't look so good" send me into a downward spiral of anxiety, fear, frustration, and self-hatred.
Seriously, just don't say that to people.
Whatever happened to "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"?!?!
I don't understand the motivation behind people being careless with the way they speak. Especially those I know are well aware of my illness.
I know people technically mean well and are trying to tell me that they care, but it's a weird way of doing it in my mind.
I am sick every day. Telling me I look awful just demeans the fabric of my being.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Elevators & Thankfulness
The elevator in our office was broken for about 7 weeks.
Unfortunately the motor or something major broke and it was a huge expense. For a small company, these things can add up. It certainly wasn't an urgent matter because we don't have anyone in the company who requires an elevator.
I'm probably one of just a handful of people who are keeping track and really care. Like when our distribution manager (warehouse) has to lug 40 reams of paper up the stairs. Or when I need to distribute samples of our catalogs throughout the offices... usually on a cart for downstairs & upstairs.
You can't exactly push a cart up the stairs.
Or on a day where my pain is through the roof, the last thing I wanted to do was go up and down the stairs 10 times.
Thankfully I have great coworkers who were willing to help with running errands, or if I saw a coworker whose office was near the person who needed something from me I asked them to drop it off. They all graciously agreed - it wasn't a huge deal.
My coworkers are amazing.
I make myself go up the stairs at least twice a day if not more, but it's the horrific pain days where that's just not feasible and I had to take it really slowly.
But last Monday it was finally fixed, holla!
As frustrating as it was, and as much as I avoided going downstairs just for the sake of my pain levels that day, I also found ways to be thankful for such an inconvenience. God used it to teach me more of leaning on him and remembering to not make a big deal out of the little stuff.
Unfortunately the motor or something major broke and it was a huge expense. For a small company, these things can add up. It certainly wasn't an urgent matter because we don't have anyone in the company who requires an elevator.
I'm probably one of just a handful of people who are keeping track and really care. Like when our distribution manager (warehouse) has to lug 40 reams of paper up the stairs. Or when I need to distribute samples of our catalogs throughout the offices... usually on a cart for downstairs & upstairs.
You can't exactly push a cart up the stairs.
Or on a day where my pain is through the roof, the last thing I wanted to do was go up and down the stairs 10 times.
Thankfully I have great coworkers who were willing to help with running errands, or if I saw a coworker whose office was near the person who needed something from me I asked them to drop it off. They all graciously agreed - it wasn't a huge deal.
My coworkers are amazing.
I make myself go up the stairs at least twice a day if not more, but it's the horrific pain days where that's just not feasible and I had to take it really slowly.
But last Monday it was finally fixed, holla!
As frustrating as it was, and as much as I avoided going downstairs just for the sake of my pain levels that day, I also found ways to be thankful for such an inconvenience. God used it to teach me more of leaning on him and remembering to not make a big deal out of the little stuff.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Sick, Fibro Flare, & Thankful
Last night I got weird sick.
It was pretty random. I was feeling off with some Fibro stuff throughout the day, but otherwise pretty good. I'd swung by a couple of friends houses after work to help bring them some cheer, and then headed home. Upon arriving home and the adrenaline wearing off, my Fibro pain was flaring up like crazy.
Later I realized it was not all Fibro related, as I began to get delirious and totally crazy. I don't remember all of the details but at one point I realized I was laying on the bathroom floor screaming for Tim. It was awful and so bizarre.
Tim helped get me set up in the spare bedroom that has a spare TV around 9 or so, that way if I got bored or couldn't sleep, I could prop myself up easily and watch. It was really helpful to help me not focus on how delirious I was feeling {which was making me freak out and have anxiety}, and be able to fall in and out of sleep.
Unfortunately, I had a really fitful night of sleep, tossed & turned like crazy, was exhausted, had really vivid dreams that I woke up feeling were totally real, spilled my water all over the bed & myself at 3 am, and finally managed to get several hours of sleep just before it was time to decide whether or not work was in the picture for me today.
It was definitely not. I slept some more, checked in at work about some urgent stuff, slept again, and finally awoke around 11 feeling better. After lunch I was feeling much better and spent the rest of the afternoon working from home.
And then randomly around 7 or so tonight, the same wave of weirdness fell over me. Nausea, dizziness, weakness, fatigue, horrific pain, etc. I'm starting to think it must all be Fibro related after all. Oh Lord, get me through this flare-up!
I'm so thankful for Tim's help last night in taking care of me, I could not have gotten through it without him. Thank you sooo much honey!
I've been wanting to post for this year's Invisible Illness Awareness Week, but I just haven't had it in me yet. Please find other information about this here at the Invisible Illness website.
It was pretty random. I was feeling off with some Fibro stuff throughout the day, but otherwise pretty good. I'd swung by a couple of friends houses after work to help bring them some cheer, and then headed home. Upon arriving home and the adrenaline wearing off, my Fibro pain was flaring up like crazy.
Later I realized it was not all Fibro related, as I began to get delirious and totally crazy. I don't remember all of the details but at one point I realized I was laying on the bathroom floor screaming for Tim. It was awful and so bizarre.
Tim helped get me set up in the spare bedroom that has a spare TV around 9 or so, that way if I got bored or couldn't sleep, I could prop myself up easily and watch. It was really helpful to help me not focus on how delirious I was feeling {which was making me freak out and have anxiety}, and be able to fall in and out of sleep.
Unfortunately, I had a really fitful night of sleep, tossed & turned like crazy, was exhausted, had really vivid dreams that I woke up feeling were totally real, spilled my water all over the bed & myself at 3 am, and finally managed to get several hours of sleep just before it was time to decide whether or not work was in the picture for me today.
It was definitely not. I slept some more, checked in at work about some urgent stuff, slept again, and finally awoke around 11 feeling better. After lunch I was feeling much better and spent the rest of the afternoon working from home.
And then randomly around 7 or so tonight, the same wave of weirdness fell over me. Nausea, dizziness, weakness, fatigue, horrific pain, etc. I'm starting to think it must all be Fibro related after all. Oh Lord, get me through this flare-up!
I'm so thankful for Tim's help last night in taking care of me, I could not have gotten through it without him. Thank you sooo much honey!
I've been wanting to post for this year's Invisible Illness Awareness Week, but I just haven't had it in me yet. Please find other information about this here at the Invisible Illness website.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
God's Goodness In the Midst of Fibromyalgia
As I sit here feeling the cool breeze, staring at our flags whipping around in the wind, and look up to the gorgeous blue sky with the scattered white puffy clouds... I take a moment to reflect on my illness and God's goodness in the midst of it.
I ponder. I think about what could have been. Confusion sets in as I contemplate why God would give me such a big heart to serve others and love on them, while giving me a physical limitation that means I can't do all that he's put on my heart.
I question why he'd give me a heart for kids but not allow me to have them {yet}. I think about my neighborhood and ask God why we had to live in the middle of no one who speaks our language, when I'm so ill-equipped to talk to them.
And he answers my questions in that quiet way of his, when we are silent and listening while the world around us is rushing by fast and loud....
"Be still and know that I am God." (Ps. 46:10)
I let that quench my thirst and give rest to my weary soul....
And as God quiets my soul, he reminds me of all the other people out there who are missionaries in foreign lands, allowing God to use them even as they can't understand the language of those around them. It makes me stop and pray for them. I cannot fully imagine that and really admire those who do it.
God reminds me that while I have a heart for kids, right now my body needs to rest, and that he's allowed this continued season of us not having kids so that he can teach me about more of who he is, and how little I really grasp of his love & grace.
God speaks to me and tells me that I would not be who I am today without Fibromyalgia. It has opened up an entire arena of compassion and love for others that I never had before. The intensity of my love for people and desire to serve them actually came after developing the Fibro, not before. My sympathy for what others are going through was sparked by my own immense physical & emotional pain. The battlefield for my heart came through a gust of rebellion, resistance, and refusal. But was finally won by learning reliance on God's strength, not my own. By learning to trust in God, not in myself.
I sometimes long for who I once was. A thin, capable, active cheerleader, lover of volleyball and track, a person no females wanted to be up against in gym class because they knew I was so competitive and good at each sport. A youngster who excelled in AWANA circle events, and the 3-legged race. A fun, witty, spunky, ambitious, sometimes quiet leader. A person who was active at school, active in youth group, active at church, active with family & friends, and did stuff constantly. An imperfect, confused child. Someone who loved God and others with as much passion as I could muster.
But then I remember all my questions growing up. All the things that didn't make sense. All the fights I had with God and the doubt. The total misunderstanding of what the world was really like. The not fitting in. The not ever feeling like people really liked me. The not having a sense of being used by God because nothing had really happened to me. I didn't have a story to tell, and I always wondered.
And I'm so glad I'm not who I was. I'm so glad I am who I am now.
Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go. But God has brought me so far, that I just truly cannot imagine being who I was before. Sure there are days when it's frustrating that I can't be/am not still that athletic or that I can't be that busy, running around like crazy anymore without a break. But there are so many more days when I see God's goodness upon my life, how well I am loved by so many, and how much of an impact he's allowed me to have... and I realize how very blessed I am to be where I am.
Relief floods in. The waves of goodness and blessing are waging war over my feelings of uselessness and lack of strength.
I sense that God is near and that he truly is my ever present help in times of trouble (Ps. 46:1). I know that despite the questions and doubts that creep in, he is using this for my sanctification and his glory.
For that, I praise him. For that, I am thankful. For that, I look up to the bright blue sky as the clouds depart, and I anticipate his return. When I know that all my pain will be gone and all my questions will be answered.
I can truly say, without a doubt, that I see God's goodness in the midst of my Fibromyalgia.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Fibromyalgia & Heat
Heat index has been over 100 the past couple of days, with temps in the mid to upper 90's.
Chicago's high yesterday was 101.
This is quite abnormal for Chicago. We've had several really hot days in a row, so it's just been oppressive and overbearing.
Wow, my body sooooo cannot handle this! It's frustrating, discouraging, and maddening. I could hardly move or function at all yesterday. It was supposed to be a work from home day. I had several projects that really needed my full focus and attention, plus I was trying to avoid another nasty hot day out and about.
It ended up being a sick day because I could barely get out of bed or off the couch. The pain levels were beyond intolerable, and my dizziness/weakness was through the roof. Walking just a few feet around the house was almost more than I could bear without feeling like I might black out or fall over. It was a really rough, really long day full of agony and extreme pain.
Lots of tears were shed, cries out for mercy, and aching for better things. Normal things.
I'm so grateful that Jesus hears us and loves us through our sorrow. That he wipes away those tears and feels our pain because he loves us so.
Thankfully this morning I woke up feeling a bit better, definitely not near my new normal, but still... better. You take what you can get with this illness! Strong storms overnight made sleep really difficult. I awoke in a fuzz this morning and needed a little extra time. I started working from home, and then waited for some more storms to roll through. Then the power was out at work {again} so I plugged away working from home, then went to lunch with a friend, checked in on the house of friends who are traveling, worked some more from home, and watched a chick flick. By the time I was leaving lunch with my friend, I was feeling back to my usual self. Today I'm just extremely thankful for today's temperatures! The heat in the morning was lessened by the storms and even though it got fairly hot again later, it's not quite as sweltering, and I'm inside! :)
Every person with Fibromyalgia handles things differently, so it's not like we can make a generalization that the heat is horrific for all of us. That's just not the way it works with Fibro. Some people do better with the sweltering heat, but the cold is really hard on them. Some people do better with the extreme cold rather than the sweltering heat. I find myself stuck in-between. I have a really, really hard time in the extreme temperature swings--the very hot and the very cold. I do tend to do worse in the extreme heat though. So of course, Spring & Fall are my favorite seasons.
I'm so thankful that I have my energy back, and that I feel a bit more like myself than I have all week. Phew!!
For a cool picture of the storms rolling into Chicago this morning, check this out.
Chicago's high yesterday was 101.
This is quite abnormal for Chicago. We've had several really hot days in a row, so it's just been oppressive and overbearing.
Wow, my body sooooo cannot handle this! It's frustrating, discouraging, and maddening. I could hardly move or function at all yesterday. It was supposed to be a work from home day. I had several projects that really needed my full focus and attention, plus I was trying to avoid another nasty hot day out and about.
It ended up being a sick day because I could barely get out of bed or off the couch. The pain levels were beyond intolerable, and my dizziness/weakness was through the roof. Walking just a few feet around the house was almost more than I could bear without feeling like I might black out or fall over. It was a really rough, really long day full of agony and extreme pain.
Lots of tears were shed, cries out for mercy, and aching for better things. Normal things.
I'm so grateful that Jesus hears us and loves us through our sorrow. That he wipes away those tears and feels our pain because he loves us so.
Thankfully this morning I woke up feeling a bit better, definitely not near my new normal, but still... better. You take what you can get with this illness! Strong storms overnight made sleep really difficult. I awoke in a fuzz this morning and needed a little extra time. I started working from home, and then waited for some more storms to roll through. Then the power was out at work {again} so I plugged away working from home, then went to lunch with a friend, checked in on the house of friends who are traveling, worked some more from home, and watched a chick flick. By the time I was leaving lunch with my friend, I was feeling back to my usual self. Today I'm just extremely thankful for today's temperatures! The heat in the morning was lessened by the storms and even though it got fairly hot again later, it's not quite as sweltering, and I'm inside! :)
Every person with Fibromyalgia handles things differently, so it's not like we can make a generalization that the heat is horrific for all of us. That's just not the way it works with Fibro. Some people do better with the sweltering heat, but the cold is really hard on them. Some people do better with the extreme cold rather than the sweltering heat. I find myself stuck in-between. I have a really, really hard time in the extreme temperature swings--the very hot and the very cold. I do tend to do worse in the extreme heat though. So of course, Spring & Fall are my favorite seasons.
I'm so thankful that I have my energy back, and that I feel a bit more like myself than I have all week. Phew!!
For a cool picture of the storms rolling into Chicago this morning, check this out.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Hypochondriac with Fibromyalgia
I spent yesterday afternoon with my husband's family, but specifically with my wonderful sister-in-law and dear friend Becca. And the two little kids, Natalie who is almost 3, and Ashdyn who is 18 months.
It was a lot of fun, but when I walked in the door back home I realized just how much of a toll the bending, lifting, and playing with the kids took on my body. Which is fine, it was totally worth it, but still....
When I got home, I took a bubble bath and spent some time with the Lord, reading The Greener Grass Conspiracy, and praying.
It's always in those still, quiet moments that you can most hear God speaking to you.
Speak to me he most definitely did.
And in the midst of looking out the window and seeing the lightning flash across the sky as I sat in the tub {this would totally freak my mom out - we were never allowed in the bath/shower growing up if there was a storm, but I assume that's because we were in an old farmhouse with a tin roof... if it really should be a cause for concern, I'm not sure I
wanna know lol, cuz it was beautiful!},
God quietly told me why this hypochondriac was allowed to have Fibromyalgia. Something I hadn't distinctly heard from him before.
That Fibromyalgia is something that would not just cause me to fully depend on him, but that it would also help spare me from all those little freak-out moments when pain or health issues would surface. God allowed it for me to show & display to me his grace.
Despite Fibro giving me moments of panic, wondering if the pain or symptom I'm feeling is Fibro-related or something else, I believe that my hypochondriac-ness would be more extreme without the Fibro to teach me some things about health. Things I never would have learned without it.
And that my friends, is supernatural grace.
Utterly amazing that such a sinner as I would even remotely deserve one iota of his favor. I'm so thankful, both for the grace and for the understanding of it. Thank you Lord Jesus!!
It was a lot of fun, but when I walked in the door back home I realized just how much of a toll the bending, lifting, and playing with the kids took on my body. Which is fine, it was totally worth it, but still....
When I got home, I took a bubble bath and spent some time with the Lord, reading The Greener Grass Conspiracy, and praying.
It's always in those still, quiet moments that you can most hear God speaking to you.
Speak to me he most definitely did.
And in the midst of looking out the window and seeing the lightning flash across the sky as I sat in the tub {this would totally freak my mom out - we were never allowed in the bath/shower growing up if there was a storm, but I assume that's because we were in an old farmhouse with a tin roof... if it really should be a cause for concern, I'm not sure I
wanna know lol, cuz it was beautiful!},
God quietly told me why this hypochondriac was allowed to have Fibromyalgia. Something I hadn't distinctly heard from him before.
That Fibromyalgia is something that would not just cause me to fully depend on him, but that it would also help spare me from all those little freak-out moments when pain or health issues would surface. God allowed it for me to show & display to me his grace.
Despite Fibro giving me moments of panic, wondering if the pain or symptom I'm feeling is Fibro-related or something else, I believe that my hypochondriac-ness would be more extreme without the Fibro to teach me some things about health. Things I never would have learned without it.
And that my friends, is supernatural grace.
Utterly amazing that such a sinner as I would even remotely deserve one iota of his favor. I'm so thankful, both for the grace and for the understanding of it. Thank you Lord Jesus!!
Monday, May 2, 2011
Fibromyalgia & Traveling
I have to admit a little bit of anxiety and stress about traveling this week.
We are flying out in a couple days to California. I am so ridiculously excited about it, and I get sort of energized by all the activity in the airport, the plane taking off and landing, the hilarious Southwest attendants, and am thankful our good friend Brian will be helping to carefully make sure we get to and from the airport safely.
But there are just certain aspects of it that freak me out. It's all those unknowns.
How is my body going to react to this or that? How much walking, climbing will be involved? How hot is it going to get? Am I going to pack the right clothing {this is very important in my planning since I'm so temperature sensitive}? Am I going to accidentally pack something in my checked baggage that I meant for my carry-on or vice versa? Are one of my irrational fears going to come true {the passing out or puking in public things}? Are we going to get caught up in some severe storm and have major turbulence {generally not minded, but one's stomach can only handle so much}?*
*God bless Dramamine.
No, I have no fears about what could happen to the plane. I have no fears about it crashing. I have more fears about dying in a car accident than that. Mine are all the irrational fears of what could happen to me to be super embarrassing and humiliating.
Like our friends Alan & Amy who flew back to California a couple weeks ago from the wedding we were all at, and their overhead bin broke when they went to stow their carry-ons, so everyone had to de-board, get fixed, re-board, and fly away a couple of hours later. The whole time our friends were hated, despised, and had people claiming they were terrorists {and trust me, these people are as far away from being any sort of concern like that, and look like pretty normal people too}. All just because their overhead bin happened to break. People were so upset with them that their flight was delayed and they weren't all where they needed to be. As if it were somehow their fault. So humiliating.
I guess so long as that sort of thing doesn't happen to us, I should trust that we'll be okay. ;) Thankfully Al & Amy handled it in stride....
But I digress...
Then there's the lists of stuff to get done both at work and at home.
Why is it we always get more stressed out about going on and getting back from vacation than is really probably necessary? Why is that our lives seem to get the most hectic when we are trying so hard to get a good break?
Ack! It's maddening I tell ya!
Then I came home from the craziness at work, saw our beautiful Spring flowers and tree, walked in circles around them, smelled them, felt them, smelled them some more, sneezed a bit, took oodles of pictures, and soaked in every second I could before leaving on our trip.
And everything else just melted away.
Until the neighbor dog started barking his head off again and the moment was gone. Ahem.
We are flying out in a couple days to California. I am so ridiculously excited about it, and I get sort of energized by all the activity in the airport, the plane taking off and landing, the hilarious Southwest attendants, and am thankful our good friend Brian will be helping to carefully make sure we get to and from the airport safely.
But there are just certain aspects of it that freak me out. It's all those unknowns.
How is my body going to react to this or that? How much walking, climbing will be involved? How hot is it going to get? Am I going to pack the right clothing {this is very important in my planning since I'm so temperature sensitive}? Am I going to accidentally pack something in my checked baggage that I meant for my carry-on or vice versa? Are one of my irrational fears going to come true {the passing out or puking in public things}? Are we going to get caught up in some severe storm and have major turbulence {generally not minded, but one's stomach can only handle so much}?*
*God bless Dramamine.
No, I have no fears about what could happen to the plane. I have no fears about it crashing. I have more fears about dying in a car accident than that. Mine are all the irrational fears of what could happen to me to be super embarrassing and humiliating.
Like our friends Alan & Amy who flew back to California a couple weeks ago from the wedding we were all at, and their overhead bin broke when they went to stow their carry-ons, so everyone had to de-board, get fixed, re-board, and fly away a couple of hours later. The whole time our friends were hated, despised, and had people claiming they were terrorists {and trust me, these people are as far away from being any sort of concern like that, and look like pretty normal people too}. All just because their overhead bin happened to break. People were so upset with them that their flight was delayed and they weren't all where they needed to be. As if it were somehow their fault. So humiliating.
I guess so long as that sort of thing doesn't happen to us, I should trust that we'll be okay. ;) Thankfully Al & Amy handled it in stride....
But I digress...
Then there's the lists of stuff to get done both at work and at home.
Why is it we always get more stressed out about going on and getting back from vacation than is really probably necessary? Why is that our lives seem to get the most hectic when we are trying so hard to get a good break?
Ack! It's maddening I tell ya!
Then I came home from the craziness at work, saw our beautiful Spring flowers and tree, walked in circles around them, smelled them, felt them, smelled them some more, sneezed a bit, took oodles of pictures, and soaked in every second I could before leaving on our trip.
And everything else just melted away.
Until the neighbor dog started barking his head off again and the moment was gone. Ahem.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Coping with a Chronic Illness
Coping with a chronic illness is like trying to endure any other hardship in life.
Except that it doesn't go away.
You can't have a good cry and walk back into your normal life and feel like things are going to be okay and go away.
They aren't. They just aren't.
You can push through it to an extent and endure the good days, but the good days aren't like other people's good days.
They're really tough.
Dealing with this is hard. It's exhausting. It's mind-numbing pain & fatigue.
It really wears you down because it's so taxing. It takes a lot out of you emotionally.
Every. single. day.
You're emotionally spent - even on the 'good' days.
You try really hard to just push on, but it's hard.
And then if you push too hard, you'll have a flare-up.
If you push to some extent, but your body suddenly decides not to like it, you can be bedridden for days.
Whether it's a good day or a bad day, I'm never 100% anymore. That's what chronic illness does to you. It zaps a bit of life from you.
As Mark Driscoll told us at our marriage conference this weekend:
When my body can't take moving one more inch, He carries me through.
I had a great conversation over lunch with my friend Monica, who always helps inspire me. I want to give credit where credit is due, this topic came out of that time with her!
Except that it doesn't go away.
You can't have a good cry and walk back into your normal life and feel like things are going to be okay and go away.
They aren't. They just aren't.
You can push through it to an extent and endure the good days, but the good days aren't like other people's good days.
They're really tough.
Dealing with this is hard. It's exhausting. It's mind-numbing pain & fatigue.
It really wears you down because it's so taxing. It takes a lot out of you emotionally.
Every. single. day.
You're emotionally spent - even on the 'good' days.
You try really hard to just push on, but it's hard.
And then if you push too hard, you'll have a flare-up.
If you push to some extent, but your body suddenly decides not to like it, you can be bedridden for days.
Whether it's a good day or a bad day, I'm never 100% anymore. That's what chronic illness does to you. It zaps a bit of life from you.
As Mark Driscoll told us at our marriage conference this weekend:
"The hardest missions are for the best soldiers. God is honoring you and trusting you with that."
I'm trying really hard to remember that. God wants to use this to honor me and to honor him.
One thing I am continuing to learn each new day is that God's grace is sufficient for me. His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
One thing I am continuing to learn each new day is that God's grace is sufficient for me. His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
When my body can't take moving one more inch, He carries me through.
I had a great conversation over lunch with my friend Monica, who always helps inspire me. I want to give credit where credit is due, this topic came out of that time with her!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Fibromyalgia & Dry Mouth
I have horrible dry mouth.
I'm not sure if it's a result of medication or Fibromyalgia. All I know is that it's incredibly annoying. And sometimes embarrassing.
It means I chew gum. A lot.
And I don't always realize when I'm chewing it inappropriately or chomping on it too hard unless my jaw starts to hurt.
As a speech communication major, I'm well aware of how poor gum chewing habits can affect the way people view you, especially if you are up close and personal. Or sitting next to them in church.
Or meeting someone important.
Like when I met Pastor Mark Driscoll twice this weekend. And realized too late that both times I was busily chewing my gum as I was talking to him.
How nice. I think I'll go hide in my hole now.
I'm not sure if it's a result of medication or Fibromyalgia. All I know is that it's incredibly annoying. And sometimes embarrassing.
It means I chew gum. A lot.
And I don't always realize when I'm chewing it inappropriately or chomping on it too hard unless my jaw starts to hurt.
As a speech communication major, I'm well aware of how poor gum chewing habits can affect the way people view you, especially if you are up close and personal. Or sitting next to them in church.
Or meeting someone important.
Like when I met Pastor Mark Driscoll twice this weekend. And realized too late that both times I was busily chewing my gum as I was talking to him.
How nice. I think I'll go hide in my hole now.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
What Fibro Is Like For Me
Some people ask me to be more specific with the symptoms I struggle with. So without further ado, here's my reality:
- locking of the joints
- dizziness
- eye twitching
- random nausea
- sleep disturbances
- temperature sensitivity
- food sensitivity {mostly to spices and foul smells}
- flush easily
- skin so dry it's excruciating no matter the amount of lotion I use
- top of head tingling
- sunlight sensitivity
- acid reflux
- irritable bowl syndrome
- costochondritis {chest cavity wall pain}
- anxiety
- difficulty concentrating
- occasional depression
- headaches sometimes several times a week
- numbness & tingling in my feet & hands
- sensitive nerves in my fingertips
- stiffness {especially in the winter... God bless the invention of elevators!}
- "Fibro fog" {memory recall issues; being in the middle of a sentence and suddenly going blank}
- ear sensitivities with popping, ringing, and cracking
- jaw problems {could be TJDS}
...etc.
Realize that these things ebb and flow. It's not like I have them full-blast 100% of the time. Yes there are miserable days, but I have so many good days too, of which I am very thankful.
I hope you can walk away from this just having a better sense of the realities of something like Fibro, and a better insight into my life, but that it's not something I'm complaining about. For educational purposes only. :)
- constant pain
- sometimes crushing, sometimes just frustrating fatigue
- muscle spasms or tightening- locking of the joints
- dizziness
- eye twitching
- random nausea
- sleep disturbances
- temperature sensitivity
- food sensitivity {mostly to spices and foul smells}
- flush easily
- skin so dry it's excruciating no matter the amount of lotion I use
- top of head tingling
- sunlight sensitivity
- acid reflux
- irritable bowl syndrome
- costochondritis {chest cavity wall pain}
- anxiety
- difficulty concentrating
- occasional depression
- headaches sometimes several times a week
- numbness & tingling in my feet & hands
- sensitive nerves in my fingertips
- stiffness {especially in the winter... God bless the invention of elevators!}
- "Fibro fog" {memory recall issues; being in the middle of a sentence and suddenly going blank}
- ear sensitivities with popping, ringing, and cracking
- jaw problems {could be TJDS}
...etc.
Realize that these things ebb and flow. It's not like I have them full-blast 100% of the time. Yes there are miserable days, but I have so many good days too, of which I am very thankful.
I hope you can walk away from this just having a better sense of the realities of something like Fibro, and a better insight into my life, but that it's not something I'm complaining about. For educational purposes only. :)
Monday, November 15, 2010
Fibromyalgia & Temperature Sensitivity
Last week there was a day that was insanely hot in our part of the office building.
It was 76 degrees. Which inside, for me, is insane. It means my feet swell up, my pain intensifies, my face gets flushed, I cannot cool down even with all my fans going, I fight crushing fatigue, I have to guzzle water, and I can barely function.
I tried really hard to fight it, but ultimately ended up spending the last hour and a half of the work day in another coworker's office who is out right now because it was about 10-15 degrees cooler feeling over by her! {Okay so in reality it was probably more like 6 degrees, but still!} I'm really thankful that I knew that the new shoes I was wearing were still in the breaking-in category. I figured I'd be in some amount of pain about halfway through the day, so I was prepared and brought my tennis shoes. I'm sure glad I did! The way my feet were swelling and intensifying in pain levels, I couldn't have gotten anything done that afternoon without having my tennis shoes on.
And yes, it's almost the same if it's extremely cold, but my symptoms are less intense and more easily adjusted to {like stiffness and cramping--it's easier to bundle up, stand up and stretch, or move around a lot to get warm and flexible}.
I've only been a huge fan of the extreme temperature swings in the Midwest when I was a kid. I still absolutely love living here and wouldn't trade it for the world. Now I'm a huge fan of the 50-60 degree weather, but I'd much rather it be 0 than 100. It's all just gotten way worse since the Fibro.
So when I came home that night, I was intrigued to Google "Fibromyalgia and Temperature Sensitivity". Give it a whirl, a lot of stuff comes up. {Which really, I guess, is the nifty truth about Google these days. I love that site. It gives me goosebumps.}
I'm glad I'm not the only one who struggles with this. We're each different with the exact way we react to the temperature swings, but I am really thankful to not be alone.
It was 76 degrees. Which inside, for me, is insane. It means my feet swell up, my pain intensifies, my face gets flushed, I cannot cool down even with all my fans going, I fight crushing fatigue, I have to guzzle water, and I can barely function.
I tried really hard to fight it, but ultimately ended up spending the last hour and a half of the work day in another coworker's office who is out right now because it was about 10-15 degrees cooler feeling over by her! {Okay so in reality it was probably more like 6 degrees, but still!} I'm really thankful that I knew that the new shoes I was wearing were still in the breaking-in category. I figured I'd be in some amount of pain about halfway through the day, so I was prepared and brought my tennis shoes. I'm sure glad I did! The way my feet were swelling and intensifying in pain levels, I couldn't have gotten anything done that afternoon without having my tennis shoes on.
And yes, it's almost the same if it's extremely cold, but my symptoms are less intense and more easily adjusted to {like stiffness and cramping--it's easier to bundle up, stand up and stretch, or move around a lot to get warm and flexible}.
I've only been a huge fan of the extreme temperature swings in the Midwest when I was a kid. I still absolutely love living here and wouldn't trade it for the world. Now I'm a huge fan of the 50-60 degree weather, but I'd much rather it be 0 than 100. It's all just gotten way worse since the Fibro.
So when I came home that night, I was intrigued to Google "Fibromyalgia and Temperature Sensitivity". Give it a whirl, a lot of stuff comes up. {Which really, I guess, is the nifty truth about Google these days. I love that site. It gives me goosebumps.}
I'm glad I'm not the only one who struggles with this. We're each different with the exact way we react to the temperature swings, but I am really thankful to not be alone.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Fibro & Flu
I was surrounded by the flu bug this weekend, helping friends on Fri & Sat.
Monday afternoon and yesterday, I was feeling... off. I spent yesterday at home feeling pretty awful.
The hardest thing with Fibro is that we can daily feel like we are fighting the flu {minus a couple things}, and it makes it truly hard to gauge whether it's really a Fibro flare-up or the actual flu.
Nauseous
Struggling to sit up straight
Pain extremely intense
Hot/cold/hot/cold
IBS symptoms
Blinding headache
I am not sure, but I do think it was perhaps a milder case of the flu than what my friends had. It was still worth every second with them.
Monday afternoon and yesterday, I was feeling... off. I spent yesterday at home feeling pretty awful.
The hardest thing with Fibro is that we can daily feel like we are fighting the flu {minus a couple things}, and it makes it truly hard to gauge whether it's really a Fibro flare-up or the actual flu.
Nauseous
Struggling to sit up straight
Pain extremely intense
Hot/cold/hot/cold
IBS symptoms
Blinding headache
I am not sure, but I do think it was perhaps a milder case of the flu than what my friends had. It was still worth every second with them.
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