Nine Years of Fibromyalgia

It all started 9 years ago today.

I won't bore you with the details yet again, for those of you all too familiar with my story. If you want to read more about it, you can do so on the "My Fibro Story" page.

It's been a long, hard road.

And I've learned a lot.

I know I'm not who I was then and I'm thankful for that.

I enjoy reflecting and I'm glad I mark these things on the calendar.

But today, I'm not full of a lot of words. Just a bit of solemn reflection.

I went away this weekend to a women's event and I came back different. Or at least I feel different. I hope I'm different.

So I'm doing a lot of thinking, praying, reading the Bible, and focusing on Jesus. Because it's all for Him anyway. He's my entire purpose.

This isn't my home. Someday I'm going to be in heaven in a new body, with no more pain. I do truly look forward to that day!

Two. How is he already TWO?!

Somehow, we have a 2 year old on our hands.

TWO.

TWO!?!?!?!?!

I know everyone says how fast time flies and they're in awe of their child getting one year older. Like we know it's coming, but in the day-to-day, in the mundane, in the chaos... it's so easy to just have the moments pass you by. So easy.

I try to soak in every little bit that I can, and yet time slips away faster and faster. His first year was mad hard, yo. One of the hardest--yet best--years of my life.

His second year wasn't without hardships, certainly. But it's been different. I've found myself more as a mother and I've understood things better than before. I'm not fighting depression and I'm enjoying this stage of his life deeply. Finding the joys in the big and small things.

But this, his second year of life came and went SO fast. Some long, slow days. One very fast, blurry year.

Elijah David.

Our sweet, adorable, hilarious, spirited, sensitive, spunky, helpful, kind boy.

Let me have him answer some questions for you :)

What's your name?
Lijjaahh!

How old are you?
TWO! {he says very quickly}

Can you say yes?
AY! {So that's a no... his yes is a weird Irish-type version ;)}

Can you repeat the letters of the alphabet after me?
AY!

What's your favorite color?
Ello. {Yellow}

What's your favorite song?
EIEOOOOO
{Old MacDonald Had a Farm... EIEIO}

What's your favorite toy?
PHONE. Mama's phone. Daddy's phone. Lijah's phone.

Do you want to watch something?
VV. VV. {TV}

What do you want to watch?
Pajja
Pajanimals?
Ay!
How about Paw Patrol instead?
Okay!

Do you want to color?
Ayyyy! {As he goes to his special drawer for the crayons and paper}

Is that your truck?
Uck.

Do you want to help take out the trash?
Ash, ash, ash!!!
Is your favorite truck the trash truck?
AYY - ash, ash, ash!!!!!!

Want to do a puzzle?
AY! {as he climbs into the chair excitedly because he knows that's his spot for doing puzzles}

Where's your nose?
*he points and shows us every part of his body

What sound does a cow make?
Mooooooo
What sound does a lion make?
Roaaaarrrrrrr {he also roars if I say "line" haha}
{he loves making dinosaur, duck, sheep, horse, and puppy noises too!}

What's your favorite animal?
Puppy.

What are your favorite things to say?
That. That. I want that.
Go outside.
No mama. No daddy.
Bees. {which are actually ants or really bugs of any kind.}

What's one of your favorite activities?
Water! {he loves to play in water - the wading pool, sprinkler, bath, hose, anything!}

Do you love to say hi and wave to random people all the time, passing by in cars or walking by at the store?
Hiiii!

Great, thanks Elijah for sharing this with everyone!
Elcome.

Some other things he's doing/loving:
Climbs up onto everything on his own now.
Going up and down stairs on his own.
Drinking from a cup.
Trying to feed himself with a fork and spoon.
Loves turning off and on toys, now that he's figured out how.
Starting to learn to take off his clothes.
Learning colors, letters, and shapes really well.
Wants to do things himself.
Loves to help out around the house - taking out trash, putting things away.
Loves the sounds of bikes, trains, and sirens {which he calls "whee wheeeeee!!!!"}.

Surprises me every day with things he knows that I didn't realize he knew like when I asked him if he could bring mama 2 diapers from his bedroom. He did exactly that! I didn't teach him that, he just figured it out.

Getting SO BIG!

---

Oh sweet Elijah, we love you so very much and are truly blessed and amazed to have you as our son! We had a fantastic time celebrating you today with family.

Grandma C and I made you some fun Mickey cupcakes.

We spent a good deal of time and had fun planning and prepping the garage for your party, only to be pulled inside the house at the last minute due to rain. Mama was so disappointed, but the party must go on!

We shared some great food - thanks to daddy for the grilling! Then dessert and opening presents and playing with them.

You weren't sure about the birthday singing at first, but you blew out your candles like a pro when mama said to blow like for bubbles. Then you ate the cupcake no problem!

You had a great time with your cousins!

So many wonderful presents! And one book {a "choo choo" book} that you just had to sit on the couch with and have Carrissa read with you. So sweet!

Thanks for coming all the way from Chicago, Aunt Bev! We loved having family here with us to celebrate our little boy!

What a joy you are, Elijah -- even in the crazy or sad. Truly, beyond any words I can express. We are unbelievably grateful. I'm so blessed to be your mama and to hear you call me that still melts my heart. It is an honor to watch you grow.

Happy birthday Elijah. We love you. To the moon and back.

Home for 11 Years

Photo credit: Unknown. Just wanted to clarify it wasn't taken by us,
but by the previous owner's realtor when we bought the house.

This little place. 

This place we have called home for 11 years now. 

This place with all the memories.

This place with the long commutes to work,

but more space than we could afford close to work.

This place with its 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a full finished basement,

a spare room we made into an exercise room, a wood-burning stove, 

two car garage, a backyard that leads into the park behind our house,

and a quiet neighborhood that while we've had irritants, has been utterly safe.

This place that went through significant neighborhood changes 

just one year after we bought it. 

Land was sold next to us and the house by us was torn down to its roots, 

and two houses were built where previously there'd only been trees.

This place where we live at the top of a hill and rarely had to worry about flooding.

This place that is less than 15 minutes from our church. 

This place that is less than 5 minutes from good friends who could be here

quickly in case of an emergency.

This place that is near the best bike trail, petting zoo, and walking paths around!

This place that gets me to LL Bean and Cabela's in under 15 minutes.

This place that allows us to get to our favorite mall in 15 minutes, 

to Tim's mom's in under 30, to Walgreens in 2, 

Dairy Queen in 1, and Target in 7. 

Because, hello, priorities!

This place where we both got different cars.

This place where I sobbed and cried out to God in desperation

when we found out about my illness symptoms, was tested

out the wazoo, and eventually where I came home after finding

out for sure that I had Fibromyalgia.

This place... a place of refuge, safety, and some days... confusion and loneliness.

This place where we got to talk to families struggling

with infertility and beginning adoption, 

wondering if we might someday be on the same course.

This place where, after years of trying and struggling, 

we finally brought our sweet baby home. 

After 11 days in the NICU.

Where we entered over that threshold with fear and trepidation.

And much rejoicing.

This place where we were scared. 

This place where we got the call that Tim's dad had passed away

and we sobbed.

This place where we found out about all of our grandparent's deaths.

This place where we argued a lot and found out the

real meanings of "for better, for worse, for richer, 

for poorer, in sickness and in health".

This place where we felt God's goodness and grace,

and his sovereignty over the overwhelming, sad, 

and hard parts of life.

This place where we became a family.

This place we've shared with so many family and friends.

This place where people met Elijah for the first time. 

This place where love was shared, tears were shed, laughter was abounding, 

grace was given, fights were hard, God was glorified, deaths were wept over, 

voices were raised, whispers were given, prayers were constant, songs were sung,

and God's love for us and our son was ever-present.

Memories.

11 years of sweet memories.

All the better now with a little one's voice echoing through the hallways.

And where we get to truly see God at work every day.

Through the eyes of a child.

8 Years Ago Yesterday - The Beginning of My Fibromyalgia Journey

It was a day like any other.

I was at work, doing my job per usual.

And then all of a sudden... what slowly began as tingling in my arm, over time developed and was later diagnosed officially as Fibromyalgia.

8 years ago yesterday {August 17}, our lives changed forever.

In 2007 - less than a year after my symptoms began

Though we will never be the same, we have learned a lot through living with chronic illness, the sacrifices it takes, the toll it takes, the ways it's made us more grateful for what we do have, and the mercy & goodness God has shown us well beyond what we could have ever imagined.

The first two years, I battled a lot of depression. It was confusing, overwhelming, and felt impossible.

Then through a series of events, God helped open my eyes and I started learning, researching, feeling better, finding better ways to deal with this illness, experimenting with a wide variety of treatments and therapies, and growing exponentially in compassion for others with chronic illnesses, cancer, etc.

I've learned to be thankful for this adventure. God is working on me every day and growing my character to be more like his. I can't imagine my life now without Fibromyaglia, and while I certainly do ask him for healing, I trust his ultimate plan for my life.

Grateful to all of you who have gone with me on this journey thus far. I greatly appreciate your prayers, thoughts, advice, support, and encouragement!!

For more on my Fibro story, go to My Fibro Story page.

Me with dear friends on our girls night in July.
I hope I look wiser and more carefree than I did 8 years ago {not just older, lol!}.

50 People = 1 Big 1st Birthday Party

Disclaimer:

All pictures on this page are (c) 2014, Red Sweater Photography, redsweaterphotography.com

Used by permission. Use of these photos without consent by the photographer is prohibited. 

We wanted to throw Elijah a huge birthday party when he turned 1. It was often on our minds, with plans slowly starting in January. It was a serious undertaking--as we didn't get to celebrate his birth as much as we would have liked, and we wanted our closest family and friends to be there. We invited over 100 people, but many were traveling or had something else going on. Good thing you always know at least 1/4-1/2 won't be there because if we had 100 people I don't know what we would have done!! We knew my family would be coming in from out of town and the date that worked best for many of them was Sat, June 28th--one week after his birthday. {To see his 1st birthday day post, click here.}

A lot of people say not to bother with 1st birthdays because the child won't remember it anyway. We didn't care about that. We wanted it to be a big deal as it was important to us.

Unfortunately, just a day or two before his big party, I started getting sick. The night before his party, I was coughing enough that we decided I'd take some medicine to help me get a really good night's sleep. I wasn't sure that'd be wise since it's a medicine that makes me drowsy, but I was feeling desperate. Meanwhile, Elijah was dealing with something and was up half the night before his party. So here I am with codeine in my system, awake half the night, coughing, and somehow I'm going to make it through a big party in the next few hours while staying awake on a hot day with little sleep.

The Lord gave me some supernatural energy but I can't say I was 100% the day of his party - not by any means. The adrenaline pushed me and the Fibro flared up later. I did my best to soak up the day and enjoy the day!

We rented a park and splash pad. We had a potluck with some catering {that hubby had to go pick-up, still not my favorite plan but it was the cheapest}. We had a delicious cake from Target {it was yummy and very well done!}. Elijah had fun with friends and smashing his cake. I was loving it for the first hour or so until suddenly I felt super depleted. It was overwhelming and absolutely amazing. It was fun, and crazy, and all-over-the-place. And I wouldn't do much differently even today. Having all those people there to celebrate our son.

Our son.

It still brings tears to my eyes.

After the splash pad, I had chosen an outfit for Elijah that celebrated his being one, and I just loved it! It had a little cape that you could velcro on the back too, if you wanted. :)

We really celebrated. Splashing in water, playing on playground equipment, sharing Goldfish and juice boxes in the early morning, singing happy birthday, watching him smash his cake, eating chicken and watermelon and pasta salad and chips, taking pictures with each family before they left, and laughing at Elijah's funny antics. It was precious and perfect.

 

My family absolutely amazed me that day. My husband, brother, sis-in-law, their kids, my mom, my dad, and my stepdad helped load up the party supplies into different vehicles as we quickly drove the 7-ish minutes to the park to set up, and then helped unload once we were there. Someone helped take care of Elijah. We put everyone to work. They give you a half hour to set up. I needed an hour people. I think I would have felt better about the entire day if I had an hour to set up. All. my. stuff. I really went all out and it was crazy, but this was super important to me. Looking back the decorations and such were a bit much and with the windy day, we couldn't use half of them anyway.

But oh well... It was still so worth it, except for the shoving of everything into stuff below the tables, so that we weren't able to find some things when we needed them - whoops!

My incredible family:

Then Tim's mom arrived and also joined in the fun on us setting up. She helped handle random aspects of organizing the food tables, finding things that got buried under the tables in the chaos, etc. She was fantastic and I couldn't have done it without her!

When it was all over, Tim's brothers Jim & Chris and sister-in-law Sue, and Jim's two kids helped join the crew in tearing down. It was incredible. Everyone came together. We had SO much help with tear-down, which was a really good thing because we had less than 20 minutes to do it when we found out another party was right after us! Yeesh!! That was one fast tear-down.

So while we loved the park and splash pad, we weren't fans of the quick set-up and tear-down times. I understand why they think they need to do it that way but it was a bit much.

A few things accidentally got buried in our rush to leave and some cold stuff had to be thrown out the next day. But overall, everything got back home to where it needed to be... and we had way. too. much. leftover. Seriously you guys. When ordering food for 50 people, don't forget that half of them are KIDS!

**Rochelle smacks forehead**

But I digress... it was a beautiful day. Despite the heat, it was a great day for playing in the splash pad. Gratefully there was some wind or I might have melted in the 88 degree heat!

We went with a Disney Cars theme. No particular reason except that Tim & I enjoy the movie {Mator!} and I saw that Party City had a Cars themed 1st birthday party. And I wanted to go outside the norm. Some of our decorations and balloons fell as it was just too windy {sorry mom and Olivia, thanks for blowing up all those balloons anyway!}. But people got the drift.

We had favors for each child to take - they could choose one item from a basket of a variety of products I found at Party City. We had a Cars cup filled with Cars themed Smarties & lollipops for kids. We had a canvas for people to sign and give well wishes to Elijah that we plan to later put up in his room. We had a centerpiece with Dum-Dums for kids to take, and a selection of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for kids who might not want chicken.

We also had applesauce, various organic juices, water and then tea and soda for adults. Snacks were Goldfish and raisins {didn't even think through these options much, thank you Sam's Club for good bulk-buying prices!}. We ordered fried & grilled chicken from the local grocery store, had purchased potato salad & cole slaw & rolls, and had loved ones bring a veggie tray, fruit tray {which ended up being awesome fresh pineapple & watermelon!}, super salad, and a pasta salad. So great of everyone to chip in!! I just feel sooo badly we had so many leftovers!

{seriously what was I thinking?!?!} 

Well, I wanted to make sure everyone had enough food. I just didn't mean to make it crazy! Oy.

    






The park also had a tennis court, frisbee golf, skate park, and basketball court... but I think just my dad and nieces used the basketball court. I kept thinking it'd be great, everyone can do whatever they want... but I'm really glad everyone stayed nearby and we celebrated together in the splash pad and under the pavilion for the most part.

After the first hour and a half was over with the splash pad rental {a wonderful park district employee was there to help us shoo people away from the splash pad if they weren't in our group since it didn't open to the public until 11}, we started gathering around. It took a bit longer for hubby to get back with the food so he came at about 11:30.

Then we sang to Elijah, had him smash his cake {so people could feel freer to leave early if they wanted}, I made announcements {which I wish I'd prepared myself for, I didn't even say hi or thanks for coming, ugh, oops!}, and then Tim said a wonderful prayer over Elijah {which he'd worked hard on writing the night before and it was terrific!!}.

We were LOVING this!!!

His cake was GREAT!! Half white, half chocolate, and they gave us a free smash cake too! Thank you Target, what a blessing!

As everyone was eating, I was scurrying around, hugging people, talking, saying goodbyes, getting our pics with each family, and somewhere in there I didn't really eat much, whoops. But I didn't want to miss anything and I wanted everyone else to be sure to get something. My sweet sister-in-law Jeremi told me to sit down at one point and eat {she worries about me, love her!!} or she'd fix me a plate. I really wish I would've had her do that! By the time I was able to relax enough to eat, we needed to hurriedly tear down.

And suddenly, it was over.

All done. Everyone but family helping tear down was gone.

I couldn't believe it. Where did it go??

And yet, I was also relieved as well.

I was exhausted, sun-soaked, sick, heat-soaked, emotional, spent, had barely eaten, and really could not believe it was over. It was already a blur. So as we walked to the cars... I completely lost it.

I mean... LOST. IT.

To the point my dad actually thought I was on the verge of passing out and got a bit nervous and concerned! I had to wait a few minutes before I could drive away from the park, I was just a sobbing mess. While my poor child was falling asleep in the back before the car even started to move because he was that exhausted! Oy.

It was the culmination of a year's worth of emotions -- such a hard start, so many good things in-between, and one little blessing that we are unceasingly amazed and blown away by!! What a joy it was to celebrate!!!!

One decision we made before the party was that we would be way too distracted to take all the pictures we wanted to. To be in every place at once. To really enjoy the day AND take pictures. And while I often see life through a camera lens and perhaps didn't see moments I would have if I was seeking to take a picture of them... we decided the best thing for us was to hire a photographer.

We talked to a couple of close friends who wouldn't be able to be there that day. And then I remembered my good old friend Ellen from Bible study at church years ago was an up and coming photographer in the area. So we started chatting. And it was going to work perfectly for her to take Elijah's party pics! I was sooo excited and relieved! What a joy to not have to worry about that aspect in the midst of everything else.

Ellen from Red Sweater Photography took all of the pictures used on this page. These are HER pictures and you are not allowed to use them anywhere else, in any form, or edit them one bit. Please be respectful and only use these for viewing purposes. Thank you!! {And be sure to look into her if you live in the area and need an excellent photographer} 

Below are the remainder of pictures that I just had to share with you - fun times with dear friends, daycare friends, and family.

Elijah's favorite girl, Avery :)

Daycare buddies Caleb and Carter!

Friends Don & Sara brought their 5-week old baby {pictured earlier} and their twin boys. Elijah, Jacob, and Josiah get along great, and Jacob is really good at making Eli laugh hysterically. But today they were all kinda shy and not having it. This pic cracks me up.

Flying high with daddy!

Cousin love

I brought the photo albums I'd been able to create thus far. I had more I wanted to get done before the party, but it just got too crazy and I couldn't focus on them. People really enjoyed looking at them though, so I was really happy about that.

Tim's mom and our nephew Toby. His mom (Tim's sister), Kandy, had to work that day. :(

My Aunt Bev was able to join us from Chicago even as she bolted quickly at the end for a wedding. What a sweet gift it was to have her there!

Love this pic of the two of us. So special. I didn't even remember this moment!

Our sweet little buddy Nolan loved the cake too!

From Tim's side - nephew Sam, niece Hayley, and nephew Dan

With our beloved Gee family!

Elijah hanging with my stepsister Susan - who I regrettably wasn't able to talk to very much that day, but we were so blessed that they drove up the few hours to be with us!

Loveeee this pic with my mom! Elijah is so happy :)

It got so crazy that we didn't even get to open his presents in front of people! We had him open just a couple on the lawn for pictures, and then we had to end things! We hadn't realized the time or that a party was booked right after us, or I might have tried to do things a smidge differently. OOPS! Oh well, live and learn.

My side - Elijah with his cousins Olivia, Cayley, and Joshua

Kinda my very favorite picture - love all these kids with literally every ounce of my being! And I love how Elijah is peeking under his hat at his buddy cousin Josh!!

Such a special day and we are so grateful!!! Thank you to everyone who celebrated with us -- including those who wished they could have been there! We feel so loved, blessed, and truly grateful. What a way to celebrate our little boy, his life, and his first year!


Pictures: (c) 2014, Red Sweater Photography, redsweaterphotography.com
Used by permission. 
Use of these photos without consent by the photographer is prohibited.