Death and Eternity

There's just nothing quite like death and grief.

You can't fully comprehend it. It tries to choke the life out of you.

You can't completely prepare for the waves of sorrow and grief that will overwhelm you. You can't prepare for the joy that will strike you when you picture your believing loved ones at the foot of Jesus.

After a loved one dies, sorrow hits you at the most random of moments. You grieve all over again. When it's not a sudden, tragic death - like my 94 year old Grandpa who passed away 2 weeks ago yesterday - it's easier to process, though still unbelievably sad. You wouldn't wish they were still here because they had a good, long, happy, healthy life. But the heartbreak of losing them is still awful and it gnaws at your insides for days, weeks, and sometimes years to come.

Tragedy is something else altogether. Tragic deaths - like my 2nd cousin who died suddenly in a tragic accident 1 week + 2 days ago - is impossible to really ever wrap your head around. It's shocking and hard to believe that you'll never see them again. In this case, I'd actually never met him, but I knew his dad and I adore him. It is an utter tragedy and he left two teenage girls and a wife behind... no more hugs, no more kisses on the cheek, no more cheering them on and weeping with them on their hard days. He's gone. And there's a really big, lonely, aching hole where he used to be. It will never fully make sense.

There's my friend whose precious 6-hour-old baby died 9 months ago in two days. It's incomprehensible to me why babies are allowed to die. I mean, I get that God is in control and it's part of the Fall of man and sin... but, why sweet innocent little babies? That's crazy hard. I cannot pretend to understand. But I know God is good, gracious, and kind, and he weeps with us in our sorrow.

For us personally, with Grandpa's death, this is the end of an era. We have no more living grandparents. We don't know when or if or how often now we might even see most of our cousins who live far away. The glue that tied us all together is now gone. I can hardly even begin to really imagine life without any grandparents. It seems so strange. Yet as we grow older, I fear the days of no more living parents. That knocks the breath out of me and makes me want to sob like a little girl.

So we think of all the days gone by and reflect on all those childhood memories. And we wish we could go back and tell our childhood selves that the days are fleeting, don't just toss them to the wayside for the next thing to come along.

THIS was the last time we saw him. It breaks my heart we didn't get to see him over the past year. We were planning to go this past weekend. It hurts me so much to realize this. But with his dementia, honestly he wouldn't have really understood. And Elijah never would have remembered. It was more about seeing him, touching him, having the picture together with him. One last time. One fond farewell.

Elijah will never know our grandparents. That's so very, very sad. And he will never know his paternal grandpa [Tim's dad].

What a reminder it is to savor the moments. We truly never know when it could be the last for us or someone we love. How easy it is to simply go through the motions of daily living, forgetting that the most important things in life should matter to us every single day. It could be our last. We aren't meant to live in dread of dying, but we should count the days and know that we are one day's march closer to eternity.

Where will you spend eternity?

Without knowing fully that you have an answer to that question, my friend, the answer isn't a good one. Get right with God today and make sure you know that you know that you know Jesus, accept his free gift of salvation for dying on the cross for you, and commit your life to serving him today. I'd love to see you in heaven someday!

Running & Torture

I equate running with torture.

Which is kind of ironic for a track-loving, cheerleader-guru, volleyball-playing-nut, gymnast when I was younger.

Then I grew up and {ahem} got a brain.

Which is probably why seeing this bumper-sticker cracked me up.

But wow, I want to be sick at the idea of running 13 miles, much less the 26 miles for a marathon. Even when I ran track in middle school I only did the hurdles, the 1 mile relay, and the 400 yard dash. Nothing over 1 mile, thankyouverymuch.

I do truly admire runners though, despite my thinking they are crazy.

And yes I know it's healthy, blah blah blah. 

I love that my husband has gotten into it in the past year or so, and that he's run 2 5k races so far. I'm so INCREDIBLY proud of him!!!!

As such, last year I was fairly involved behind-the-scenes in our 5K at our church, to show my support of hubster.

And thereby somehow found myself on the leadership team this year for the church's 2nd annual 5K race.

Ma-hum-an-ah?!?! 

It's a bigger deal this year, over 400 people expected, with strategic plans for promoting and launching the event into the social media world, etc. I'm heavily involved, and not even entirely sure how I found myself there.

I have to keep myself in check as I try not to let Satan sabotage my thinking as I feel so completely inept and incapable of working on promoting a race! I'm not in shape, I'm embarrassingly overweight, and I have major self-esteem issues, like as I pictured every person I handed a flyer to this past weekend in the lobby judging me and wondering why on earth I'm the person they're hearing from about a 5K.

But whatever, I had a blast meeting new people, greeting guests, having a laugh-fest with a couple campus pastors and a good friend I hadn't seen in a while. I'm such a people person that despite the silly thoughts circling my head, I'm grateful I had the opportunity.

I admit I really am enjoying it all immensely. It is a lot of fun and I'm learning a lot. I'm being stretched and pulled in ways I didn't know were even left in me. I'm overwhelmed and feeling like I got in way over my head, but in ways I know are going to benefit me as a person and my health.

If you live in the area and are crazy amazing enough to love to run {or walk too, actually!}, let me know and I'll get you more information! But basically until June 2nd, you'll likely see a bit less of me around the blogosphere, as I spin around in circles {but NOT running, mind you!} and try to stay sane.

As if staying sane is possible for someone like me....


--
{side note: you'll probably see me less anyway as I tend to stay away from blogs in the weeks leading up to Mother's Day.}

This Is Love

Alone in a garden weeping
Begging His Father pleading
Take this cup from me
But if it's Your will Father let it be

All of the others sleeping
Sweat on His brow was bleeding
He could have run away but He chose to stay

This is Love this is real
This is more than a hope or a feeling
It's enough to cover us
This is Love

After a kiss abandoned
Beaten and cursed for passion
They lifted Him up to die but He laid down His life

Death only wished it was stronger
The grave couldn't hold Him longer
He rose in victory to rescue His enemies

It seems like this mercy is following me
It seems like this love has come to rescue me


This is Love this is real
This is more than a hope or a feeling
It's enough to cover us
This is Love


Kutless, "This Is Love" from their 2012 album Believer

Don't Quit

I really needed to read this post at (in)courage today. Really, really, really.

~

You will want to quit. More than once.

And fear is always at the root of it.

I’m not going to make it.

I can’t do this.

It’s too much.

But listen here—you can do it. You’re stronger than you know. Your God is bigger than you’ve seen. That hill isn’t as unending as it seems right now.

Just keep going and going and going.

Until you leave fear in the dust.

~

Read the full post here.

Difficult Weeks

I go through the motions of life.

Doing okay in the grand scheme of things. Thankful for the blessings I have.

But in those still, quiet moments with God... if I'm truly honest I admit that

I'm 

falling 

apart

Completely and utterly broken.

Over a difficult issue/relationship. Over failed attempts to make things better. Over being misunderstood and judged.

Over being insanely stressed out, under pressure for an extensive period of time, and nearly burnt out at work. {And yes, I still love my job!}

Over events that are close to my heart and making me sick to my stomach. Deep conversations over stuff that really matters but is so confusing and complex it makes my head explode.

Over a dear family member fighting cancer, and potentially facing a rapidly losing battle. It absolutely tears my heart in two.

On the flip side, there's been an influx of absolutely precious times with friends that give me a glimpse of hope and a solace for my broken heart. Key times with the Lord that have been necessary for healing my wounds.

If I'm completely real and authentic, I can say that these past two weeks have truly been rough in my heart. Not really on the outside. I want to be real but also know that it all could be worse that I could be in even darker, harder places {and I have been before, not that long ago}. But the reality is if I'm honest, I'm in a difficult place right now. Not the worst, not the best. It just is what it is.

I know my faith is being tested.

That Satan heard me raving about my true peace, contentment, and joy - and he set to work on trying to knock me down several pegs.

I refuse to let him win. I refuse to succumb to the challenges ahead. I dig in my tough side and get ready with my boxing gloves.

I'm not going down. I'm going to fight.

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.
(1 Corinthians 15:56-58, ESV)

Because I've got God on my side, and I know through him we have eternal hope, blessed assurance, and ultimate victory.

Which reminds me of a favorite hymn....

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

Refrain:
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long.

Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels descending bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

Refrain

Perfect submission, all is at rest
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

Choosing to rest in Him today, no matter what may come my way!

Feeling Blue

Today I had a moment where I was ready to break.

Fall apart. At the seams. And just run away.

Then in the bathroom at work while crying out to God silently he directed me to 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.
{don't tell me I'm the only one who pops out my iPhone and browses those nifty Bible apps that go with you everywhere like while... ahem, you know....}

I immediately felt silly. How prideful and caught up in myself I get.

My struggles. My fears. My frustrations. My sin. My inability to be perfect.

In that moment as God gripped me, I was quickly able to recognize the positives of everything happening around me. Only by the grace of God.

But I was struck that my heartache was worth rejoicing over. Rejoice always. There's no modifier to that. We are commanded to always rejoice. No matter what.

No matter that we're afraid we'll never be a parent. No matter that we're afraid that coworkers think badly of us because they misunderstood a situation.

No matter that we constantly fail and sin. No matter that we can't seem to control our perfection... or serious lack thereof. No matter that we are constantly in physical pain.

Rejoice always.

Rejoice always... In the midst of not having kids. In the midst of not being seen perfectly or as we might want some people to see us. In the midst of constantly feeling judged for being overweight.

In the midst of major car issues. In the midst of our own health issues. In the midst of death, destruction, chaos, and pain.

In the midst of a favorite uncle just being told the thought-it-was-almost-gone cancer has become inoperable, terminal bone cancer.

In the midst of a dear friend's father's near-death tractor accident. In the midst of a long, long recovery road ahead.

In the midst of Fibromyalgia pain and fatigue that's so intense there's not a day this week where I haven't cried out to God to heal me. Now. Please. Through tears even now. I must choose to rejoice. Always.

In my flesh, I don't want to. I don't want be happy about all of this. I don't want to say right now that I know God is good, even though I know he is. I want to be stubborn and frustrated and tearful and sad that my life is never going to be what I thought it would be. I want to scream and kick and cry that I can't seem to do anything right these days.

Just for right now. Just for a moment. I want to be real that this is my pain, my situation.

But the Bible says rejoice always. I want to grow in that, but while I'm growing, can I be real here and just say it's really, really hard right now?

Oh how I long for Heaven. Pain-free, sin-free, and rejoicing always.

Our practice time is here on earth. To learn how to rejoice in everything, whereas someday in Heaven we'll be rejoicing for real. Always. With nothing to hold us back.

Nothing to hold us back!


Wow.

Until that day, I must choose to rejoice as God has commanded. I will do my best.

Until then, I want to be who God has called me to be. I will do my best.

I might be struggling in this very moment, but I'm thankful that God grips me, hasn't given up on me, and constantly reminds me of his presence, his goodness, and his grace even when I'm being a bit of a moron. I'm so thankful for his redeeming grace, for his love poured out on the cross so that in our pain and weakness and stumbles, his glory might be revealed.

Friends: rejoice always. 


I'm working on it. Will you work on it with me?

Courageous Movie Review

We were originally due to watch Courageous at a special preview with our Christian radio station on Wednesday 9/21, but my grandpa's visitation ended up being that day, so obviously we couldn't make it.

So we were chomping at the bit to get to the theatre to see it Friday night, but due to traffic woes we missed the showing we'd planned to go to. After a long couple of weeks, I couldn't make myself go to the late night showing. We ended up at the 1 pm showing on Saturday at the movie theatre we love, and it was in one of their biggest theatres! We were so excited, but while that theatre holds hundreds, only about 10-15 or so were there. Bummer. We really want this movie to do well so we can prove to Hollywood that family-friendly movies ARE loved & enjoyed & well-received by Americans!! {It ended up doing well, I think we just happened to be at a slow time-showing in the middle of a beautiful day....}

Unfortunately, due to a few issues {read specifics here}, Courageous is rated PG-13. It's still way more family-friendly than Hollywood-based movies, but I wanted you to be aware of this.

But trust me, GO SEE THIS MOVIE!!!!! It was amazing!

If it means you have to drive out of your way, hire a babysitter, or reschedule something so you can get there soon - do it. You will not regret it.

Courageous is brought to you by the same people who wrote, produced, and directed Facing the Giants and Fireproof. It's evident throughout that the moviemakers at Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia, stay true to their convictions and the Gospel.

They continue to improve on their cinematography, directing, and acting skills. The main two lead actors are incredible - both of them are real-life pastors at this church, and they've both grown in their acting skills since the previous movies. There are a couple of scenes where the lack of acting and direction is evident, but for volunteers I still think they do an amazing job! Granted, I realize this would drive my friend Brian absolutely bonkers, but I still think he should go see it {ahem... hint, hint B}!!!

Plot summary:
Four men, one calling: To serve and protect. As law enforcement officers, they face danger every day. Yet when tragedy strikes close to home, these fathers are left wrestling with their hopes, their fears, and their faith. From this struggle will come a decision that changes all of their lives. With action, drama, and humor, the fourth film from Sherwood Pictures embraces God's promise to "turn the hearts of fathers to their children, and the hearts of children to their fathers." Souls will be stirred, and hearts will be challenged to be ... courageous!
Read more here. 

Through the lessons these men learn, I walked away having learned some things and I'm definitely not a father! The usual hilarious scenes are there {some where you nearly fall over it's soooo funny!}, but this one is more moving and powerful than any of their other movies so far. Bring kleenex's to the theatre for sure!!!

No matter where you're at in life, or what your relationship was/is like with your own father, this is a movie you won't want to miss. It is an incredibly powerful, convicting, Christ-honoring, Gospel-presenting, funny, tearful, delightful, very well-done movie that will surely impact generations to come. We highly, highly recommend everyone go see it! We loved, loved, loved it!

The opening weekend box office numbers are in, here's the scoop. For more good stuff, and more cohesive thoughts in a much better way than I could ever say them, check out Trevin Wax's thoughts here.

Watch part of the powerful opening scene here:



And the I-can't-stop-watching-or-listening-to-it music video {although sadly this song is only a part of the final credits in the movie}:




*To be clear, I did not receive any compensation for this review, nor did anyone ask me to write it, I just loved it so much I wanted to share!*

God's Goodness In the Midst of Fibromyalgia

As I sit here feeling the cool breeze, staring at our flags whipping around in the wind, and look up to the gorgeous blue sky with the scattered white puffy clouds... I take a moment to reflect on my illness and God's goodness in the midst of it. 

I ponder. I think about what could have been. Confusion sets in as I contemplate why God would give me such a big heart to serve others and love on them, while giving me a physical limitation that means I can't do all that he's put on my heart.

I question why he'd give me a heart for kids but not allow me to have them {yet}. I think about my neighborhood and ask God why we had to live in the middle of no one who speaks our language, when I'm so ill-equipped to talk to them.

And he answers my questions in that quiet way of his, when we are silent and listening while the world around us is rushing by fast and loud.... 

"Be still and know that I am God." (Ps. 46:10)

I let that quench my thirst and give rest to my weary soul....

And as God quiets my soul, he reminds me of all the other people out there who are missionaries in foreign lands, allowing God to use them even as they can't understand the language of those around them. It makes me stop and pray for them. I cannot fully imagine that and really admire those who do it.

God reminds me that while I have a heart for kids, right now my body needs to rest, and that he's allowed this continued season of us not having kids so that he can teach me about more of who he is, and how little I really grasp of his love & grace. 

God speaks to me and tells me that I would not be who I am today without Fibromyalgia. It has opened up an entire arena of compassion and love for others that I never had before. The intensity of my love for people and desire to serve them actually came after developing the Fibro, not before. My sympathy for what others are going through was sparked by my own immense physical & emotional pain. The battlefield for my heart came through a gust of rebellion, resistance, and refusal. But was finally won by learning reliance on God's strength, not my own. By learning to trust in God, not in myself.

I sometimes long for who I once was. A thin, capable, active cheerleader, lover of volleyball and track, a person no females wanted to be up against in gym class because they knew I was so competitive and good at each sport. A youngster who excelled in AWANA circle events, and the 3-legged race. A fun, witty, spunky, ambitious, sometimes quiet leader. A person who was active at school, active in youth group, active at church, active with family & friends, and did stuff constantly. An imperfect, confused child. Someone who loved God and others with as much passion as I could muster.

But then I remember all my questions growing up. All the things that didn't make sense. All the fights I had with God and the doubt. The total misunderstanding of what the world was really like. The not fitting in. The not ever feeling like people really liked me. The not having a sense of being used by God because nothing had really happened to me. I didn't have a story to tell, and I always wondered.

And I'm so glad I'm not who I was. I'm so glad I am who I am now.  

Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go. But God has brought me so far, that I just truly cannot imagine being who I was before. Sure there are days when it's frustrating that I can't be/am not still that athletic or that I can't be that busy, running around like crazy anymore without a break. But there are so many more days when I see God's goodness upon my life, how well I am loved by so many, and how much of an impact he's allowed me to have... and I realize how very blessed I am to be where I am. 

Relief floods in. The waves of goodness and blessing are waging war over my feelings of uselessness and lack of strength. 

I sense that God is near and that he truly is my ever present help in times of trouble (Ps. 46:1). I know that despite the questions and doubts that creep in, he is using this for my sanctification and his glory. 

For that, I praise him. For that, I am thankful. For that, I look up to the bright blue sky as the clouds depart, and I anticipate his return. When I know that all my pain will be gone and all my questions will be answered.

I can truly say, without a doubt, that I see God's goodness in the midst of my Fibromyalgia. 

Overwhelmed

Life is crazy.

An uncle fighting stage 4 melanoma, an aunt with "several masses" [update at the end of today: she's been diagnosed with cancer], my mother-in-law in remission from breast cancer, family members struggling with their marriages/finances/big decisions, friends going through divorce, last surviving grandparents in nursing homes, both grandpas fighting dementia, a dear friend's mother-in-law fighting stage 4 ovarian cancer, a brother-in-law causing some dilemmas....

A messy house with way too much junk. Trying to organize it but finding my junk to be too overwhelming, and not having the resources to organize it properly. Keeping my car spotless because it's the only area I feel I have some control over.

Fighting Fibromyalgia every day. Trying to sort through what I can do in the midst of what I must do. Sorting through the overwhelming ideas for weight loss, healthy eating, exercise, and every diet plan known to man.

More research & discussions about Fibromyalgia than I can begin to fathom. A to-do list that grows faster than I can keep up with it. A hundred or so blogs that I love but cannot keep up with even monthly.

A book reading list the size of the city of Chicago.

image from Flickr. copyright (c) Walt Stoneburner, 2009. 

Insane pressure and spinning circles at work. Financial decisions looming over us. Lots of tension and arguing between us.

At the breaking point of what we're able to handle. Bad news seems to be surrounding and engulfing us. And we aren't seeing eye-to-eye on anything.

As if that wasn't enough, my car started having major issues. We had trouble getting it in anywhere. Finally we were able to. Turns out the rear brakes were at 0% and the front brakes are at 15%. Then with the car in the shop and me unable to take myself anywhere, I started feeling really, really sick at work yesterday morning. Hubster had to leave work to come get me. :( I felt so bad about that, but am so thankful he was willing! Flu, grrrrrr. :(

Anyway, I took a 2-hour nap after getting home, and laid on the couch for another 5 hours after that before even remotely being able to sit up and look at anything other than a blank and semi-awake stare at the TV.

Upon being able to, I glanced at a few of my favorite blogs. I regularly read an amazing, godly, inspiring blog with about 30 different contributors called (in)courage. It always has incredible posts that uplift & inspire me, and often make me get all teary.

One of yesterday's posts was no different. Here's an excerpt from a lady who also deals with chronic illness. In the midst of her feeling overwhelmed by life, here are some of her inspiring thoughts:

"Jesus took the pain that was to come for Him and, in the midst of what must have been overwhelming, acknowledged the Father. He acknowledged that what was going to be brutal for Him would be transformed into grace, because that is what the Father does. He didn’t let what would overwhelm Him in the garden overshadow the beauty He trusted would come. A beauty that only God can bring from the hard. 

The same way God wants to transform our hard. 

We all know how God turned the pain of Jesus’ journey into joy for each of us. And it all started with an action… not just of Jesus saying yes, but of Jesus giving thanks. 

And so, as I lay in the quiet with my own pain, feeling the natural inclination to be overwhelmed, I take action as He did. I give thanks for the gifts that come from pain. I give thanks for the people and the moments and the experiences. I give thanks to a Savior who was willing to go through the pain so that the hard I live through could also be redeemed."

Please read more of Sara's post at (in)courage. / Written by Sara Frankl, visit her personal blog at Gitzen Girl.

Just Being Real

I'm doing terrible.

No sugar-coating here. I want to be the raw, real deal.

I feel awful. My heart is feeling shredded to pieces. The pain is almost too much to bear.

And if I didn't have Christ bearing it all for me, I truly don't think I'd be making it at all right now.

So there you have it. The wounds are deep and infected. The reality of so many layers of burdens, heartache, tears, suffering, and hardship in our lives are becoming incredibly overwhelming and making me feel like I just want to curl up into a ball and hide.

But... in the midst of it all, I see, trust, and feel God's faithfulness and goodness. Like his showing me he cares during a rough-20-minutes late kind of morning where suddenly I look behind me at the stoplight and there's Monica & Parker coming to a stop. We smile & wave. Next stoplight we pull up next to each other and I get to wave, talk to briefly, and see the look of surprise & joy on Parker's face in sighting me.

It was the kind of morning where I could barely roll out of bed with all the pain. Physical and emotional. It was awful.

I prayed the entire way in about so many things on my heart & mind, and asked God to just show me a sign of his faithfulness. And that's when Monica & Parker came into view. As she & I emailed about it this morning, it really is amazing how God shows care for us. She was dropping off her hubby who was also running late for work. She spontaneously decided to go to Starbucks and made a wrong turn going in, making it longer than usual to get in. I had a haphazard morning of spinning in circles, forgetting things, and managing to do everything harder and longer than usual this morning in my attempt to get ready for work. Then I managed to get behind every slow driver along the 40 minute drive in today.

It took a lot of orchestrating of little details by God for us to run across each other's paths today. But he knew I needed it, and he showed me even in that minor event that he is truly faithful to provide for our every need if only we continually seek after him. Seeing one of my nearest & dearest friends & her sweet kiddo absolutely made an otherwise painstakingly tough day survivable & wonderful! It made me so thankful and I cried the rest of the way to work.

I'm so thankful for his love & care for us even in the small stuff!!

Big.

Looming.

Dark.

Scary.

Big.

image from benjamin venancie on flickr

We have some pretty big decisions to make. 

I'm overwhelmed.

Scared.

Frightened.

Breathless.

Amazed at all God is doing and will do.

BIG.

In the midst of all of it, I feel like a big nobody.

A big fraidy-cat. 

Totally scared of the possibilities. 

Trying to trust God completely in this.

Scared of the reality.

Scared of what awaits us on the other side of these decisions.

BIG.

Big decisions.

Big thoughts looming in my head.

Big arguments.

Big battles.

Small people.

Just trying to serve a BIG God.

Afraid.

Big time.

Quick Update & Links

I've been really struggling off and on with some stuff. Some things I'm trying to just sort out with friends in real life. Some things I'm not telling anyone. Some things I've been calling out to God about. Some things that I'll share here when I finally figure out the right words.

So in light of that, I wanted to post a few links of really encouraging words today that I can't help but share with you.

Plotting for Our Joy

Words of Wisdom

Why Shouldn't I Adopt?

When You Pass through the Waters

I hope you find them as encouraging as I do. Another encouraging word is in my sidebar under "Quote of the Week".

Now just for good measure, and because I miss them like crazyyyyy, check out the fun dear friend Monica & my little buddy Parker are having this week in California. :)

I hope to be back with regular posts soon. In the meantime, I'm listening to this song over and over and over... and resting in God's love and sovereignty even when I can't breathe from being so overwhelmed, am in too much pain to see straight, or when I'm overcome with emotion from my past. God is good.

Skype & A Little Perspective

Today I signed up for Skype.

Being as into media, technology, and such as I am... I'm surprised it took this long. Some coworkers had been asking me to join so we could talk and share screens while they work off-site, and finally I gave in.

I posted on Facebook that I'd finally joined and asked who wanted to be my first guinea pig. My dear, childhood friend Wendy jumped at the chance. Bless her heart and her patience with me as I learn Skype! She's a missionary overseas {for her safety I won't share the country}, and I simply adore her. So it was really great to see her face across the computer screen.

taken January 2010 at a lunch during my work at a nearby popular pizza place while they were on furlough

We had a really great chat, and I also got some face time with her newest baby who is now 1 month old. I can't believe my sweet childhood friend has 4 little ones!! Seems so unreal, but she is such a great mom. It was really nice to catch up with her.

She also really helps me gain a little perspective on life. Whenever I am tempted to complain about being homesick or missing family, she reminds me that at least I can technically see them just about any time I want to. She can go a couple years without seeing or being able to visit her family. Whenever I am tempted to complain {like I started to catch myself doing today} that I've been traveling too much or having too many guests and am exhausted, she helps keep me grounded and thankful that I can do those things at all.

And I think it's always good to remember that things could always be worse than they are for us right now. No matter what we are facing - missing family from a distance, facing cancer or chronic illness, financial woes, etc - someone somewhere always has it a bit worse. And while we need not focus on that, it gives us perspective. It reminds us to pray for those who have needs deeper than our own, to pray for those who have everything they need physically but are perhaps empty spiritually, and to pray for all those in-between.

God uses people of all different shapes, sizes, colors, illnesses, and circumstances to further His Kingdom and His glory. May we never lose that perspective.

Rest for the Weary

My coworker Danny is a total character. He's a 50-year-old genius sales guy who has a wonderful wife & 7 great kids! He's a busy one, but he has a total zest for life unlike anyone I've ever known before... along with the most contagious laugh!!

Danny is leaving us in a month. He's going to train in PA with a team of church planters, and then come back to our area to an existing church plant as their lead pastor. It's incredible. I'm sooo excited for them, but we will miss Danny something fierce! 

There's nothing quite like having a pastor-like coworker around to encourage and bless you throughout your crazy days and weeks! 

Yesterday was one such conversation. I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed and exhausted, and just poked my head into his office as I walked by to tell him hello. We got to chatting, and he very kindly asked me how I was doing with genuine concern. I tried to pretend like everything was okay but he saw right through it. 

He started talking about just how amazing it is that we have a promise from the Lord that we can come to him whenever we are weary and he will give us rest. True, true rest.

And I absolutely needed this reminder!

Matthew 11:28-30 says "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." 

Rest. What does that mean to you? 

Rest. 

And just think about those last few words "my burden is light". Really think about that, isn't it just incredible?!  

Wow, so phenomenal that he carries all our burdens. Why do we keep striving to carry them all on our own when he is always there for us? 

Something to think on when I'm weary and heavy laden. 

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.... For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." 

Let that just blow your mind!!

Hypochondriac with Fibromyalgia

I spent yesterday afternoon with my husband's family, but specifically with my wonderful sister-in-law and dear friend Becca. And the two little kids, Natalie who is almost 3, and Ashdyn who is 18 months.

It was a lot of fun, but when I walked in the door back home I realized just how much of a toll the bending, lifting, and playing with the kids took on my body. Which is fine, it was totally worth it, but still....

When I got home, I took a bubble bath and spent some time with the Lord, reading The Greener Grass Conspiracy, and praying.

It's always in those still, quiet moments that you can most hear God speaking to you.

Speak to me he most definitely did.

And in the midst of looking out the window and seeing the lightning flash across the sky as I sat in the tub {this would totally freak my mom out - we were never allowed in the bath/shower growing up if there was a storm, but I assume that's because we were in an old farmhouse with a tin roof... if it really should be a cause for concern, I'm not sure I 
wanna know lol, cuz it was beautiful!}, 
God quietly told me why this hypochondriac was allowed to have Fibromyalgia. Something I hadn't distinctly heard from him before.


That Fibromyalgia is something that would not just cause me to fully depend on him, but that it would also help spare me from all those little freak-out moments when pain or health issues would surface. God allowed it for me to show & display to me his grace. 


Despite Fibro giving me moments of panic, wondering if the pain or symptom I'm feeling is Fibro-related or something else, I believe that my hypochondriac-ness would be more extreme without the Fibro to teach me some things about health. Things I never would have learned without it.  

And that my friends, is supernatural grace.

Utterly amazing that such a sinner as I would even remotely deserve one iota of his favor. I'm so thankful, both for the grace and for the understanding of it. Thank you Lord Jesus!!

Hard Stuff

Right before we went away and while we were gone:

* My dad was in a car accident

* One of my best friends Tracie was in a car accident


     ** Both their cars were totaled but we are so thankful everyone's okay!!

* A blog friend's hubby was diagnosed with a difficult genetic heart disease. It is often called a "silent killer", but there's hope! Please pray for Amber, her husband Josh, & the family! And send some love their way on her blog.

* A blog friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. Please pray for Kayren and her family, and send her some blog love too!

     ** I love both of these ladies so much! I've never met them, but I care deeply about them and their lives. I couldn't help but share in their heartbreak and ask you, my friends, to join us in prayer.

* Tough stuff. Divorces. Depression. People leaving. Illness. Difficult family situations.

* My own health stuff. Additional Fibro issues. Spent the past few days wishing Fibro away.


I had to really think and pray before writing this post because I don't want it to sound as if we think these problems are anything new, anything surprising to God, anything we can't handle with God's help, or that any of this is tougher than so many other things people are facing.

In the midst of all of the trial and tragedy surrounding us here, I read a blog yesterday that stopped me cold in my tracks. No matter what you are facing, this puts a very real face to it all.

I'm reminded in all of this of just how much God loves and cares for us. He holds the world in the palm of his hands. We are extremely valuable in his sight. I don't know about you, but that calms my soul like nothing else.


Matthew 10:29-31
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows."

What Happens When

What happens when... you stub your toe. Forget your laptop at home for work. Leave the oven on. Break a dish. Learn your furnace is broken. Have a leak in your ceiling. Find out someone you really liked or perhaps dearly loved passed away. All within a matter of days. And then one more thing on top of that goes wrong.

Then what? 

Do you totally freak out, give up on God, and hide behind some pretense that everything's okay even though it's not? Or are you open, honest, and real with the people you love about how broken this all makes you feel? And how little hope and trust you have in God when it seems like everything is falling apart?

I know, I've been there.

It's easy for us to blame God, think he's forgotten or abandoned us, or left us to fend for ourselves.

But that's a lie. God is always there. Deuteronomy 31:8 tells us "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."

We can trust God and rely on his sovereignty to guide us. He is there even when we don't feel him. He's there, allowing things to happen for his glory and our good.

Let me give you a small example:

Sunday afternoon I was tempted to feel defeated when our garage door decided to stop working. We have an unattached 2-car garage and I went out to get something from the freezer out there. But the garage door only came up a few inches before stopping, and wouldn't go any further. I hollered at Tim who tried his hand at it, and we were manually able to get it open with some finagling.

Long story short, Tim called his brother Paul {the general contractor I told you about last week}, and he helped talk Tim through what he's going to have to do. {And in the interim we either have to park in the driveway or Tim will get the cars in and out of the garage each day until we're able to get it fixed. Ughhh.}

I know there can be worse things, but it just felt like the end of the world momentarily, ya know? I was slightly tempted to tell God "why another thing right now?!"

I lifted up a quick plea for help and God immediately calmed my spirit when I was about to complain, and he reminded me of what I've been reading in the book Radical lately, about the staggering and dire needs of billions of people around the world.

It. shut. me. up.

It's easy for us to think "woe is me" and "God isn't showing favor on me," but it's simply not true.

God is amazing, just, fair, loving, and gracious. He shows favor to me in more ways than I can even begin to count. No matter what we're going through, it could always be worse. No matter what we think we're deprived of, we have more than many others.

That doesn't mean our feelings and frustrations don't matter, but in light of what so many others are going through, why complain about your garage door breaking?

Just stop and thank God you have a garage in the first place.

First Clip of The Elephant Room

I'm so excited to be able to share that the content from the Elephant Room is going to be available online, in pieces as made available, on my pastor's blog at www.jamesmacdonald.com/blog. Be sure to check it out!

Here is the first clip:


Chandler and Furtick from Harvest Bible Chapel on Vimeo.


Please go back to his blog here for his thoughts.

David Platt - Do We Really Believe What We Are Saying?

For those of you in evangelical/orthodox Christianity, and those who are interested in the entire Rob Bell debate based on his book Love Wins...

check this out.

I was really encouraged by it and hope you will be too.

Reminder to Myself Today

"Come, let us return to the Lord;
for he has torn us, that he may heal us;
he has struck us down, and he will bind us up."

~Hosea 6:1