Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Fibromyalgia Update

I'm realizing lately that I haven't spent much time lately focusing on Fibromyalgia... the intent of this blog. I've found myself often in that position of not wanting to complain too much, sharing what I know about Fibro or what's affecting me in a story-like way so as not to bore you or make you think I'm talking about it way too much, and trying to remain positive in some very bleak, dark days but also wanting to shine a realistic light on how I'm feeling.

So for right now, I'm not entirely sure what all to say... so here goes some random thinking...

I've embraced this trial to the best of my ability
I'm still overwhelmed and confused by it all
The pain and fatigue are virtually unbearable these days
I'm waiting and trusting in the Lord
while learning the meaning of true rest and peace
and wanting to scream in agony all the while

Feeling frustrated by my lack of strength and energy
Wanting so badly to find a way out of the pain all over my body
unending pain
struggling to avoid bitterness and resentment
trying not to worry
leaning on God's strength

adjusting my lifestyle
trying to lose weight
so badly wanting to have a baby
hoping weight loss and diet changes might lessen my fibro symptoms
struggling because it's such hard work
and I admit to laziness

sometimes wishing my way out
but knowing that's the worst thing I could do
wanting to be molded and shaped and allow God to use this to grow me
and use this for my good and his glory

trying to figure out the next steps to take
be further tested
find new docs
get a second opinion


so exhausted
so stressed
so much pain
remembering Christ's sacrifice on the cross
how much he gave for me
what I deal with everyday is nothing near what he went through
in light of Christ, my suffering is nothing

Philippians 3:12-14
"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."


~~Deby said...

oh...I know these....these symptoms, the frustration, the fatigue...overwhelmed on most days...happy when the laundry is caught up, sad that I feel like I don't accomplish more, hurting and knowing, you just CAN'T !!!...wondering why some people in my life just don't *get it*--knowing this is not in my head, who would ever want to feel this crummy ???? duh????
Wanting to accept it, as from the Lord, wondering if it is my FAULT ?
Yes, this is a dilemna...and often a VERY lonely walk....
Good post...
thank you

Rochelle said...

Aw Deby, **hugs**

We certainly do understand each other. I feel for you. Yes, sometimes I do wonder if it's a trial or a consequence from something I did. But either way, ultimately, I know it's for God's glory. It's just a tough pill to swallow a lot of the time.

Indeed very lonely... I'm here for you whenever you need to chat in blogland.