Big.

Looming.

Dark.

Scary.

Big.

image from benjamin venancie on flickr

We have some pretty big decisions to make. 

I'm overwhelmed.

Scared.

Frightened.

Breathless.

Amazed at all God is doing and will do.

BIG.

In the midst of all of it, I feel like a big nobody.

A big fraidy-cat. 

Totally scared of the possibilities. 

Trying to trust God completely in this.

Scared of the reality.

Scared of what awaits us on the other side of these decisions.

BIG.

Big decisions.

Big thoughts looming in my head.

Big arguments.

Big battles.

Small people.

Just trying to serve a BIG God.

Afraid.

Big time.

Please Pray

My dear, sweet, favorite Uncle Bill has been fighting cancer. I've honestly lost track of how long it's been but probably at least a year. It's stage 4 melanoma {skin cancer}.

The surgery back in January finally seemed to put it at bay.

Then today came.

My mom called tonight to update me after Uncle Bill's check-up at the Mayo Clinic.

They found a lump in his lung. Not good.

*sob*

Uncle Bill with grandchild Octavia, Grandpa, & my brother Tim, Thanksgiving 2010

More testing on Monday & Tuesday with potential surgery to follow shortly. I'll keep you posted, but we deeply appreciate prayers for him & for my mom's sister {Aunt Robin} especially. This is so tough, but we know God is in control and we're so thankful for that.

Aunt Robin & grandchild Octavia, Thanksgiving 2010

Thanks for your prayers!

Pray for Kelly

Please help pray for my friend Amber's friend Kelly & her family as she recovers from a horse accident.

More details here.

Sudden Tragedy In Friend's Family

It's been a weird few days.

I've been trying to process a lot of thoughts these days - thoughts I want to share but cannot seem to find the words. 

Monday I found out a good college friend--my sophomore year RA {resident assistant}--and her family were mourning the devastating tragic accidental shooting death of their 7-year old daughter.

Here's the story.

I'm so heartbroken for them it's been hard to think of anything else. Over and over in my mind I weep and pray for them.

And in light of that situation, nothing else really seems to matter.

Mind-boggling.

Startling.

Faith-shaking.

Everything else in life seems so trivial all of a sudden.

Shock.

My niece Olivia is 7.

Reminder of how fleeting this life really is.

It's the most commented thing I've ever had on my Facebook page. People everywhere are rallying around this family, lifting them up in prayer. One of my coworkers with 7 kids was so shaken by this he came to my office and just sat there shaking his head for a minute. He even offered to do whatever he could for them.

My childhood church's music pastor for many years until they moved away a couple years ago lives in this same town. They got in touch with me on Facebook about it. That pastor's wife even remembered meeting this young girl a few days earlier at a Bible club.

Amazing.

So even in the shock and heartbreak for them, we see God's goodness. We are reminded that he's in control even when the skies are gray.

And we just can't even imagine the sheer devastation that family is feeling.

Like the feelings Steven Curtis Chapman's family felt when their daughter was accidentally killed at their home as well.

God is good. Right now we're just praying his presence is deeply felt and known by this family as they struggle to grasp all that has happened.

Instead of totally attempting to make any real sense of my thoughts here, I wanted to share with you a song that's been going over and over in my head, and replayed over and over on my Grooveshark stream.

Currently this song is blaring from my laptop as I chill out on our recliner under a warm blanket and sipping hot caramel vanilla tea, waiting for hubster to get home from work. I woke up this morning feeling sick and definitely fear I caught a cold or sinus infection, both of which have been going around work and loved ones. It's inevitable it seems, I always manage to catch something. But I've actually done really well with it this year, so I'm pretty proud of myself! March wouldn't be March if I didn't get something!

Anyway, I hope this song blesses you as much as it does me. It's by Revive and it's called Blink:

Teach me to number my days
And count every moment before it slips away
Taking all the colors before they fade to gray
I don't want to miss even just a second more of this

It happens in a blink
It happens in a flash
It happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight, but there's no stopping time
What is it I've done with my life
It happens in a blink

When it's all said and done
No one remembers how far we have run
The only thing that matters is how we have loved
I don't want to miss even just a second more of this

It happens in a blink
it happens in a flash
it happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight but there's no stopping time
What is it I've done with my life
It happens in a blink

Slow down, slow down
Before today becomes our yesterday
Slow down, slow down
Before you turn around and it's too late

It happens in a blink
it happens in a flash
it happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight but there's no stopping time
What is it I've done with my life
It happens in a blink

Lyrics from onlylyrics.com

To hear it, check out the video on YouTube {more for sound than the actual video}

Slow down.

Life really does just happen in a blink.

And then we're gone.


What have you done with your life today?

Conceiving, Adoption, and Compassion

Since we are, as of yet, unable to have kids of our own {I've been off the pill since last August and we've officially been trying/not preventing throughout this year}, and since we aren't in agreement on adoption, we love kids in other ways that we can.

It's extremely tough this time of year--as I long to be a mom and have for several years now--to face the holidays without kids. Again. Year after year other families have their traditions, opening presents and looking at lights with their kids. Decorating the house and baking cookies with their kids. They laugh, play games, and look forward to years and years of great family Christmas traditions.

I often fear that we will never have kids. That we won't be able to conceive and that Tim won't want to adopt. There are days I fully trust God and truly get to a place where I'm okay with that. I know He's good and wants the best for us. But around Christmas, it's just really stinking hard.

So. very. very. hard.

Right now the ache suddenly seems unbearable. My heart hurts. The tears come fast and furious.

In the midst of all that....

I love being an aunt to my 2 biological nieces, and an aunt to my through-marriage 25 nieces and nephews. Have I mentioned my brother's wife is pregnant and their first boy is due the end of April?! Sooo exciting, yay!! {Although also hard because I wish I could be pregnant at the same time as her, and they know this is their last one.}

I love being an auntie to four unrelated children {Logan, Eve, Parker, and Charlie--the kids of my dear friends Tracie, Monica, and Sherah}. These kids and their parents are truly like extended family to me. And apparently they feel the same way about me, yay! {I always fear being annoying or in the way, but they keep inviting me back for some reason....} See Monica's recent post on this. Made my heart happy. :)

I love being able to be soooo ridiculously excited for a great friend who tried for so long to get pregnant and is officially in her 2nd trimester! I couldn't be happier for her and her husband. She's been married for 10 years, and it truly does make me feel hopeful whenever I think of her. God is using her to remind me of His faithfulness and goodness. I rejoice with her, cry with her, and am truly so happy that this finally came to be in her life.

One thing that stuck out to me from what she said was this, because it's something I've often struggled with throughout the past several years:

yes, i know i said i was at peace with

and accepting the whole idea

of never having children by this point.

and for the most part i was.

but that thursday night at counseling,

i told my mentor/friend how i was excited about

and looking forward to the next day... our anniversary.

she asked me something.

i can't remember exactly what.

but whatever it was, it prompted me

to open up about my true feelings about the day.

i was going to just share what we would be doing to celebrate,

and other surfacy, small talk kind of sentences.

but her question made me dig much deeper.

i said something to the effect of,

"i'm so happy we have made it this far.

but deep in my heart,

i am heart-broken that we have nothing to show for it."

and then i broke down weeping uncontrollably.

she just let me cry.

then very quietly,

she said back to me, "like what?"

somehow, i uttered back through my sobs,

"like... children."

she was again quiet... giving me space and time and room.

then she went on to explain how

i have so much to show for ten years...

how we have stayed together through a great deal.

through trials in faithfulness,

through infertility.

through financial struggles beyond what we ever imagined.

through job losses.

through illness and car accidents.

through mere time taking it's toll on a relationship.

through so very much.

and what we had to show for it was a deep love

we would never have known without those things.

she was absolutely right.

and my sobs turned to tears upon peace

and realization that ten years was

an AWESOME milestone for us.

I have to be honest, I sobbed and sobbed after reading that. Letting it sink in. Letting God minister to me in my hurt through her words which were like a healing salve being poured over a broken heart. It was really touching for me, and I appreciate her friendship so much!

Since we aren't adopting yet, we're helping others who are. Like our friends Don & Sara. Please read their blog at 7500 miles and pray for them through their process. They are so close to getting their little boy from Ethiopia, but I know it's got to be so hard to wait! Also my friend Amber at Striving for 31. They are in the process of adopting two children from Belize. I've also randomly seen several other blogs recently talking about adoption. So many people in the process need our prayers!

I showed you that video recently that really impacted me about adoption. Last night we watched Home for the Holidays on CBS that promotes adoption & foster care. We went to Wendy's recently and saw their stuff about the Dave Thomas Foundation for adoption. I'm currently reading Mary Beth Chapman's book called Choosing to See and learning more about their organization Show Hope which helps people adopt {they adopted 3 girls from China over the course of a few years, and in May 2008 they lost their 5 year old in a tragic car accident}. I'm thinking often about the ministry our church works with, Safe Families, to help children in need. I've heard radio interviews, seen TV shows referencing it, and heard in general conversation the word 'adoption' a lot lately.

I know God is putting it on my heart for a reason. But I'm not sure that reason since it's not on Tim's heart in the same way at all. I don't understand why we feel so differently about it, but I know God is good and faithful, and I just have to be patient. Which is a lot easier said than done. Right now, it's super hard. I don't get it. I'm just being honest. It's really confusing. I'm practically begging Him now to stop showing me this stuff because I can't handle it emotionally if we're going to be on two totally different pages about it. Please be praying for us in this regard.

The closest thing we have to a child of our own is our Compassion child who lives in Honduras. She's on my heart and mind a lot right now. I pray for her regularly and wish we could do even more than we can. I hope someday to meet her and try to help her understand how much we love her despite that she's so far away.

Well, there you go... the very honest, open post about where we stand on having kids. Comment away. I could use hearing from you.

Prayer Requests

1. My mother-in-law starts radiation this week for her stage 1 breast cancer.

2. My Uncle Bill has surgery this week for his melanoma/skin cancer to remove the latest tumors (it's a high stage but I don't remember the number). He starts radiation after that.

3. My Uncle Bob has surgery this week for his prostate cancer, to remove the tumor.


Thank you all for your prayers as I'm really burdened about them this week!!

Need Prayer

Today has been...interesting. We sorta slept in, were lazy, cleaned a little, and then went over to our friends house to help them out. Brian & Monica are currently finishing their basement. I helped watch baby Parker for a few hours while they painted, and once he was down for the night we all worked hard at getting a lot of painting done. It was fun despite being exhausting!

A few days ago I found out my Uncle Bill's skin cancer came back. Please pray for healing for him, for his wife {my mom's sister Robin}, kids {Holly & Mary}, and grandkids, as this effects them, and then the entire family as well. We are so heartbroken over this but we know God is in control and we're thankful for it!

Well, tonight on the way home, we got a call from Tim's sister Cinda telling us their mom's doctor got the test results back tonight and it's confirmed.

Tim's mom has breast cancer.

We are really saddened at this news. We're still taking it in and shaking our heads in disbelief. We cannot believe it. But again, we know God is in control and that no matter what happens, He will be glorified.

Your prayers are deeply appreciated!!

Best Friend on the Brain

 

For reasons I cannot fully go into

I really have my best friend Tracie on the brain today

I'm praying like crazy for her

And I ask that you would pray for her too

Love you

and miss you

dear friend

!!!!!!!!

 

And your lil' munchkins too ;)

Churches Helping Churches

My pastor (James MacDonald, Harvest Bible Chapel) and Pastor Mark Driscoll (Mars Hill Church, Seattle) have teamed up to create an organization called Churches Helping Churches.

What a great concept! I can't believe it hadn't been developed before. They are specifically both struggling with what to do regarding Haiti. They are aware of the way the earthquake also devastated the churches there. While everyone does need help in Haiti, they especially feel a burden for the church. They are going on a trip this week to Haiti, taking along a film & photography crew to come back and help show us what they find... getting the church fired up to help other churches in Haiti.

I'm so excited they're doing this! I have such deep respect for both men, and it's neat to see them working together on something so big like this. I look forward to seeing what comes of it... oh the lives that will be touched, those that will come to know Jesus through this, and the ways God will be glorified!

May God continue to watch over and be with the people of Haiti, may He bless the relief efforts, and may He bless this ministry as it reaches out to other churches. Now, go check it out, please!

H1N1 Hits Close to Home

Yesterday early afternoon we found out the sister of a coworker had been hospitalized after being found by her mother unresponsive at home. She was put on life support, tested, considered to have H1N1, and died at the hospital a few hours later.

This is also the sister of someone I serve closely with at church.

The sheer reality of it all is now hitting very close to home.

Please pray for my coworker Jill, my serving partners Steve & Cheri, and the entire family.

I must admit, I'm now re-thinking the vaccination... I don't think you can help but wonder when it hits this close to home. I just remind everyone though not to be afraid... this post is not about evoking fears in anyone, it's a prayer request, an update from me around here, and my thoughts on it. Please just continue to go about things as normal... no reason to freak out.

I trust God's ways and His sovereignty in this and all situations. I don't understand why it happened, but I know that God's plans are perfect. I pray that through this God will be given more honor & glory.

I am thankful for God's hand in my life. I trust Him. I know He has me in the palm of His hand. I know if I'm meant to get this virus then I'll get it, and how it ends is up to Him. But that doesn't mean I'm going to be silly and disregard the wisdom of doctors. I'm just trying to be my own advocate, researching like crazy again the vaccination, and praying for God to show me whether or not to get it.

Either way, I trust Him. I hope & pray that you do as well.

------

Since I'm feeling kind of numb and sad today, I thought I'd point you to a couple of other blogs to look at.

1) An update on my friends Spencer and Melody, fighting very difficultly with Lyme's Disease. Please pray for them.

2) An update on my friend MckMama and her 1 year old boy Stellan, who has been very sick much of this past year. They have one amazing trooper on their hands, and he's now MckMiracle... having survived an aggressive, risky ablation which was able to make it so he will no longer suffer from SVT. Go read about it all on her blog and give her some love.

3) Read some tips on The Tramadol Diaries about staying well this flu season with a chronic illness. There's a list in there of tips that I think are applicable to everyone, not just those suffering from chronic illnesses (although it is especially important for us).

Be blessed & go bless those people today. Thanks again for your prayers for my coworker's family.

Am I Really Sick Again? Can This Be Right?!?!

I woke up at 4:30 a.m. today coughing and sneezing... awake for nearly an hour just begging God that I wasn't sick and it was just a fluke. I cannot be sick again!

This has really been the worst winter for me. I cannot believe it! Please pray for me. I'll share more details later as I know more. For now, I'm fighting it with everything that is in me... using Zicam (cold remedy to take at the first sign of a cold), Zinc pills, Vitamin C defense lozenges, guzzling OJ, taking my multi-vitamin, etc. Tonight I'm washing our sheets and spraying the whole house with as much Lysol as I can manage without gagging. It should be interesting.

Spring... oh Spring... where art thou?

I’m also in tremendous amounts of pain right now, and beyond exhausted/fatigued. Which I'm sure adds to me getting sick yet again! I’ve been having really bad headaches lately, lots of pain radiating throughout various parts of my body, and I’m struggling every morning to even crawl out of bed and make it in to work.

I’m also feeling annoyed that my Fibro Fog keeps rearing its ugly head. I hate that details slip more often and it is so frustrating!! But each day, I’m working hard to learn more about this horrible illness, and also to be more thankful for it.

I've been meaning to share these below links with you for a while now, but I keep neglecting to. I thought adding a bit of inspiration and happiness to this otherwise negative post would be nice. So, enjoy!

Top 100 Christian Women's Blogs in 2008

Crafty Chicks

30 Days - Adding a Blog Signature

At the Well - Are My Motives Pleasing to You, God?

Lynnette Kraft - Seeking God in our Daily Lives

My Life w/ Fibro - Fibromyalgia and Service

*The colors have nothing to do with it... blogger just isn't letting me change them... grrr*

Prayers for Hubster

Please pray for my beloved husband. He's had two visits to convenient care this past week, with lots of tests but no conclusive results.

Tonight's visit was pretty scary... he nearly passed out when they drew his blood. He's been on a liquid diet but hadn't drank anything in hours. So he was dehydrated. And they had trouble getting the needle in. It was right at that moment he turned a sheet of white and had to lay down. He was whiter than I'd ever seen him, had broken into a sweat, the doc came in and checked his BP which had dipped, and she remarked that he looked like he was definitely going to pass out. She kept shaking him to check and make sure he was still with us. Eventually someone got him a cold cloth for his head, and later got him some apple juice and then some water to sip. They were so great.

I'm very thankful for this great doctor at convenient care who was so gentle, patient, loving, caring, and funny. :) It was so nice to have such a good doctor after both of us have battled with our regular docs so much. The nurses weren't very nice or happy (but I'm sure it had been a long day - they were an hour past closing by the time we left) but the doctor was super nice and gracious.

I'm also very glad I was there with him!! (I almost wasn't.)

Thank you Lord for watching over us, keeping us in your hands, and please heal Tim if that be your will. Please help the doctors to know what's wrong so we can work to improve his health. Amen.

In Loving Memory

January 22, 1973 was the day abortion became legal in the United States.

Today's blog is in loving memory of the 50,000,000+
babieswho've been killed as a result.

I pray for all of those affected.

And I pray for change.

There are so many ways pregnant and scared women can get help now. Please click on one of the links below for more information or if you need help.

Between Two Worlds (blog): Interview with Rev. John Ensor
CareNet
National Right to Life
Roe v. Wade: 36 Years of Death and Destruction
Truth about the Freedom of Choice Act
Pro Life Action League
National Life Center
The Bible's Teaching Against Abortion


Psalm 139:13
"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb."

Psalm 139:16
"Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them."

Matthew 10:30
"But even the hairs of your head are all numbered."

Image credit: Fotosearch
Scripture credit: ESV

New Shoes

I'm still trying to figure out exactly how I feel about these new shoes I purchased at Kohl's last night. I'm preparing to leave on a business trip most of this coming week, and I decided it was time to keep my feet in mind. I was in badddd need of new shoes! It's a part of me that's constantly hurting, and if my feet are really hurting, then the rest of me is usually hurting too. Today I'm wearing these shoes around the house (normally I'm barefoot or just in socks around the house) to try to break them in a little each day until I leave on Tuesday.

Please be praying for me and those traveling on this trip. I always look forward to work trips because I get to do it so rarely (only for the past three years, and only this particular conference). I feel blessed to be able to go even at all. I'm so excited. But I'm nervous too. It's always extremelyyyyy draining and painful for me. But this year it's going to be different than the past two years so I'm not entirely sure what to expect. I'm going with the flow and will still be working hard, but also trying to pay attention to my body so I don't run it into the ground. The plus side this year is I'm coming back on Friday night, so I have all day Saturday to rest and recoup before we have Thanksgiving with Tim's family that Sunday. Then we leave again the following Wednesday for Thanksgiving with my family in my hometown (about 5 1/2 hours southwest of here).

I'm very excited and looking forward to everything coming in the next couple of weeks, but I've also been working hard to prepare ahead of time for it so I'm not completely drained, get sick, or end up laying in bed for a day due to all the pain and flare-ups. I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, your prayers are greatly appreciated!

Really sick

I stayed home from work today and am seemingly getting worse. I started with a cold on Thursday, thought I was better on Friday so we decided to travel as originally planned, then felt worse on Saturday after a terrible night of sleep, felt seemingly better Sunday morning but then grew increasingly worse the entire trip home (5 1/2 hrs), and today I cannot believe how sick I feel. I have no energy, a terrible and constant cough, a slight wheeze, my lungs hurt, my throat hurts, I have nausea sometimes, I feel somewhat feverish (fighting hot/cold) sometimes but never actually have a temperature, am so weak I feel like passing out sometimes, and my nose will not stop running. I didn't want to take over-the-counter meds at first because I wanted to fight the cold on my own and just let my body work itself out (I always take meds every time, but I don't want to become immune to them). So with some advice, I decided to tough it out... until tonight. I just feel wretched so I had Tim stop and get some meds on his way home from work.

Now I'm at a standstill on what to do. I don't feel that I can miss more work (it's a really busy time for me) but at the same time know that if I'm not careful I could end up missing even more days if I don't get enough rest and try to fight it up front. I am so frustrated that when I get sick, I tend to get really sick... it almost always turns from a cold to something worse (bronchitis, upper respiratory infection, pneumonia, etc)... and with my Fibro I end up keeping it much longer than some people... and I also get sick more often.

My doctor is on vacation so tomorrow might mean a trip to convenient care if I deem necessary. We'll just have to wait and see. I'm praying for a good night's sleep, and we'll see how I feel tomorrow. Hopefully I can make it to work and get in to a doc.

Once I'm feeling more like doing it, I'll post pictures and a full report of our crazy, whirlwind, sick, miserable, but otherwise good weekend. It's good to be home and to be resting.

Update on Carlos

Thanks to all those who prayed for Carlos yesterday. He's doing better and is resting at home. He does have a dislocated shoulder and a sprained knee, but we are so thankful that it wasn't anything even more painful or serious (like his head, neck, or back)!!!

It was pretty scary yesterday for a few minutes after I heard someone had fallen high in the warehouse, but we didn't have specifics. Eek!

But God is in control and watching over us all. Thank you, Lord, that Carlos is okay!

Please pray

Calling all you prayer warriors:

Please pray for our warehouse employee, Carlos. He fell today from the top level of the warehouse, which is fairly tall but not huge. May be similar to falling off a two-story house roof or something (?). Thankfully his head and neck appear to be okay, but he may have a broken shoulder and some other stuff. When I left downstairs about 20 minutes or so ago, he was being taken to the hospital by ambulance and had been wheeled out in a stretcher.

We are a little shaken, but we know God is in control and he has a purpose in all things.

Cancer Balloons and Flooding

We couldn't find gold balloons, so instead we put up yellow balloons yesterday in honor of our buddy Josh, who fought cancer last year at the age of two. And now he's officially NED - No Evidence of Disease. We praise God so much for this victory and for this amazing kid. The family inspired us and awed us and blessed us in so very many ways. It was remarkable to watch them, learn from them, and see them grow so much in the Lord during that very tough, painful, agonizing, and scary trial. They are such a blessing to so many and I just wanted to take a moment to thank them for how much they taught us and allowed God to use them in so many lives. Thanks Andrew, Julie, Emma, Josh, and Rebecca!!!! We admire you so much and have a great amount of respect for you! God bless you.



We are praying for all those affected by Hurricane Ike (as well as the recent Hurricane Gustav that many are still cleaning up from) in the south. But right now, closer to home, the Chicagoland area is fighting its own bad flooding. We have anywhere from 5-12 inches on the ground, depending on your exact location in the area, just from the past 2 days. Yesterday alone in our city we had 8 inches, then Hurricane Ike's remnants came through today and dumped 2-4 more inches or so on us.

We feel so blessed to live at the top of a hill (so we are dry and safe). But unfortunately that means the people at the bottom are very wet, under a lot of water, and not necessarily safe. Below are some pictures Tim took this afternoon at the bottom of the hill. A couple of hours ago we saw a fire truck and a "Water Rescue" truck head down the street to this intersection (through the water). The street up on the right in the below picture is a dead-end street in which the bottom is completely flooded out. We saw one person earlier driving out the back part of that street into the park, covering the vehicle in mud, but at least they were able to get out. Others must have tried to get out through the water to no avail and had to call for rescue. Even now we've heard helicopters going overhead... and have read reports of several road closings mostly on the southeast side of our city which is right where we live. We are praying for everyone affected.

Pray for Hurricane Ike and Childhood Cancer

Please join me in praying for all those affected by Hurricane Ike... that everyone would be safe and that minimal damage would be done.

The below prayer is taken from the Presidential Prayer Team email/website:

Please, join me in praying for coastal Texas and Louisiana:

• For the storm to lose energy and move away from the coast
• For citizens in need—particularly the marginalized, the ill and the homeless—to have assistance and guidance as they evacuate
• For churches to step up and provide shelter, supplies and support when and where possible
• For the protection of all involved—for police, fire and emergency medical workers, for those responsible for utilities and transportation and everyday citizens seeking refuge
• For deaths, injuries and damage to be minimal

Please also note that September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month. This Saturday, September 13th, is National Children's Cancer Awareness Day. In honor of my little buddy, Joshua V, we will be putting gold balloons all over the outside of our house to mark this occasion. From my friend Julie...

The idea is to have everyone adorn gold balloons (as many as you want) to your mail boxes or other outside fixtures (the color gold represents all childhood cancers). When the day is over and you are taking down your balloons, put them in an envelope and mail them deflated to your local congressman or senator with a letter requesting that they raise funding even further on childhood cancer research. You can print a child's name on the balloon in honor of or in memory of. Please forward this to everyone you know, asking everyone to participate in honor & memory of the littlest soldiers to help spread throughout the United States.

After Saturday, please mail your balloons to the following, asking for more funds to be allocated to childhood cancer research: (again, please do not release the balloons):

Mail your deflated balloons to the three on the Appropriations Committee responsible for allocating funds for the Conquer Childhood Cancer Act:

1. Murtha, John P. (D-PA) 2423 Rayburn HOB Washington, DC 20515 (202) 225-2065
2. Young, C. W. Bill (R-FL) 2407 Rayburn HOB Washington, DC 20515 (202) 225-5961
3. Inouye, Daniel K. (D-HI) 722 Hart Senate Office Building Washington, DC 20510 (202)224-3934

Thank you so much for helping raise awareness on childhood cancer.

Lyrica Adventure, I'm Done

Lyrica ended up not working out for me. It's frustrating because it's a medicine specific to help Fibromyalgia. But I was on a low dose because the higher dose (when it does the best work) made me too drowsy to live my life. Last night was my last pill of Lyrica. I'm feeling a little discouraged and frightened. I'm not sure where to go from here and my rheumatologist is not very helpful - another discouraging point.

There's a Fibro treatment place that I'd been hoping to get in touch with soon to see if they could help. Went back to their website and it's gone. Tried to call with the phone number I had and it's disconnected.

I feel hopeless, dejected, discouraged, scared, frustrated, upset, bitter, and sad today. But I know I can push through this because ultimately my hope is in the Lord. I have a future home in Heaven awaiting me where I will be perfect and spend eternity praising God for his marvelous works.

I don't know why I'm going through this, but I know that really doesn't matter. I want to let my pride fall down and allow God to fully do his work in and through me, whatever that may be.

Lord, today I am struggling. But I know you are my mighty King. You are my lord of Lords. You are my everything. Please help me to stay focused on you so that my challenges do not distract me from fulfilling your will for my life. You have called me to do something important and I want to be ready and willing to take on that task, without grumbling and without fear. I pray that the Holy Spirit would supernaturally energize me to push beyond these obstacles and keep pressing forward. I do not want to throw in the towel, but I admit to feeling defeated and I ask for your forgiveness. I pray for guidance, wisdom, and discernment in the next steps I need to take (whatever those may be, I pray you'll show me in your time not mine) and that I will step back and trust you for all my needs. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!