11 Years Ago

11 years ago today, I married my best friend. My sweetheart. The love of my life.

We were surrounded by a host of supportive, encouraging, wonderful friends & family!

It was a beautiful, special day...

...with a slight comedy of errors.

And at the end of the day, I got to be Mrs. Timothy M----. 

Whoop whoop!!! 

Today, we are off work, celebrating, and enjoying some time together... reflecting on all the blessings God has given to us as well as all the challenges. We're so grateful for where God has brought us over these years.

Happy 11th Anniversary Honey!!! I love you more and more with each passing day... and I'm so thankful you put up with the likes of me for the past 11 years!

For more, click on Our Anniversary on the sidebar.


Pictures (c) Lisa Wigoda, 2000, used by permission.

Marriage Tips 3-6

Marriage Tip #3:

Know what you want, and look for it. Don't just settle, no matter how desperate you might be feeling, it will never be worth it in the end!!

Have a list, but allow it to form around the person meant for you, not being so ridiculously strict that no human being could ever live up to it.


Marriage Tip #4:

Pray beforehand. A lot.

I wrote letters to my future husband and kept them in a box under my bed for years {had Tim read a few on our wedding night}, and prayed over my future husband and our life together for years. I truly think it made a difference.


Marriage Tip #5:

Look for someone you aren't exactly like, but that you do have a lot in common with. Ultimately, the biggest one is your theology. What you believe about God, the Bible, Jesus Christ, the world around you, and so on is huge! It'll make such a difference to start out on the same page. Even though some things will change over the years, you'll have a solid foundation to go back to.


Marriage Tip #6:

My mind is drawing a complete blank.

Originally I'd planned to make it to tip #11 in honor of our 11 year wedding anniversary tomorrow, but alas... I'm beat. It's been an incredibly busy week at work where I've worked really long hours. It's been great, just exhausting. So I'm going to end it here for my sanity, I just have to.

11 years ago tonight, after our rehearsal dinner, here's a pic of Tim & I the last time we saw each other before our wedding day! We look freakishly young!!!

Good night all, more tomorrow!

Marriage Tip #2

Marry your best friend.

Tim & I were good friends before we became a couple. We knew each other for several months, I was trying to help hook him up with my RA {resident assistant}, we had several classes together, and we quickly became friends.

Somewhere in the process, I managed to get his attention. And yes, I had a huge crush on him!

On April 24, 1998, Tim & I sat in his dorm and decided together to become a couple {we didn't technically date, we hung out with groups and such}. We both said we thought the other would make a good spouse.

2 years and 2 months later to the day, we got married.

To our best friends.


I highly recommend it. :)

Our 10 Year Anniversary - Final Post of the Series

We are now 2 weeks removed from our 10 year anniversary (June 24th). It's hard to believe it's already come and gone so quickly.

This weekend I had some time to go through scrapbooks and scan in some pictures I just have to share with you! Keep in mind they aren't the best quality, so I apologize for that. Also I blurred over some portions I'd rather not share publicly. So without further ado... a few final wedding reflections before we end our 10 year anniversary series.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I also thought it'd be fun to share with you a few of our honeymoon memories. This scrapbook was 12 x 12 so I couldn't scan entire pages, leaving the images even lower quality. But it's too fun to not share and reminisce with you about how life was like 10 years ago! :) 

Our first night in a local B & B was kinda weird. It was all antique and old, making us really wish we'd picked a hotel, doh!

We enjoyed a wide array of activities in the Great Smoky Mountains area, such as mini golf, go karts, lots of restaurants, a ski lift {minus ski's or snow}, whitewater rafting, and lots of hiking. Oh how I loveeee this area!

Our cabin was great! It had a fully stocked kitchen, a jacuzzi tub, a king size bed, a wrap around porch overlooking the mountains, tv/vcr, a hot tub {that didn't work}, and bathroom. Unfortunately we didn't know until we got there that the only thing missing was a SHOWER! Whoops. 

 

 
Oh my word, we look freakishly young...

 

 *I don't pretend to own this picture or its copyright, but I also have no idea who to give credit to for it. It was the whitewater rafting people.*

My family took its last vacation together before my parents divorce, in June 1999. We went to the Smoky Mountains. While we stayed in a different spot, this is ultimately the guiding force behind us deciding to go here on our honeymoon. I loved it so much, I just knew I had to share it with Tim. Plus it helped give us some ideas of where we could around town, etc. Check out the pics below. We went to the same waterfall one year apart... with the family it was barely a trickle, but with Tim & I it was gushing from all the rain the night before... what fun! :)

One last time... Happy 10th Anniversary to my beloved Timothy Henry!!!! I love you!

Fibromyalgia on Vacation

A week ago yesterday we returned from our marvelous vacation in South Haven, Michigan. Ahhh, it was bliss.

I'm still editing the photos and working on a full-blown post about it {but then again, I still have my Thanksgiving, Christmas, & Easter photos and posts sitting in my draft folder... hmmm... I am behindm doh!!}. So for now I wanted to mention a few things specific to Fibro.

Sadly, when we go on vacation, my Fibro doesn't. It's really frustrating, because you can escape from the realities of life in all other areas, except how your body is feeling.

Meh.

You know, it took me a long time to come to grips with the Fibro, to find myself through it, and to wade through all of the muck that is life with Fibro. But I'm not perfect and I still have good and bad days. I still have days where I hate Fibro. And that's okay, I know it's part of the process.

And the cold, harsh reality is that Fibromyalgia never takes a vacation.

I went on this vacation way overambitious. I think it's because of the exercise and generally feeling better most days. I thought I could do more. I was anticipating hours on the beach, reading books, relaxing, and just enjoying it.

Suddenly on Tuesday morning, mere hours before leaving on vaca, while sitting outside Panera with my wonderful, gorgeous, delightful, talented, sweet-as-can-be friend Georgia {check her out here at it's just how i see things}...

 
I realized the truth. I had gotten way ahead of myself. As I sat there melting in the hot sun {quickly requesting a move indoors after starting to feel I was burning up}, I remembered. I can't sit in the sun for hours on end. A) Because I have a medication I'm on that tells me not to do so while taking that medicine, and B) Because I get wayyyyy too hot too fast.

I used to love the beach. I used to love laying in the sun. It's just not realistic for me anymore.

And oh wow, that is sooo depressing.

So when I got home I told Tim I didn't want to go anymore. I was disappointed I couldn't do what I wanted to do. I freaked out and told him what I'd realized and he just gave me the sweet "well, duh" look like it was something he'd already realized but knew I had to realize on my own. Gah! I love him for it but was also a wee bit mad. I didn't want to have to realize something like that. I wanted to have my vacation the way I wanted to! I wanted my body back.

I wanted my Fibro to just go away for a week.

So alas, I couldn't do half what my brain was telling me I could do. I got ambitious still and took nearly 10 books on the trip thinking I'd be super busy reading and just relaxing.

I finished one book and read less than 5 pages in 3 others.

I love books, they're in my blood. After all, I grew up wanting to be a writer, and now work as an editor/administrator at a Christian book publishing company. Books are a huge part of my life. And while I read fast, I also like to soak in the moments. I don't know what I was thinking when I went up there with a suitcase full of books, as if I was going to have my nose in my books the whole time. I relished the alone time I had with Tim and tried to soak in those moments instead of just occupying myself with a book {but I did do so when he was on the computer or watching tv}.

Tim doesn't even like hanging out on the beach that much. I don't know what I was thinking. Here he is... behind the umbrella {he burns really easily}.

Oh well, we still had a wonderful, relaxing time away. Despite initial frustrations, I'm glad we did what we did, saw what we did, and were able to generally get away from reality.

Needless to say, this vacation made me remember to step back, take a deep breath, and remember who I am now.

And what medications I'm on.

Ice Cream

If you ever travel to South Haven, Michigan, be sure to stop by Sherman's ice cream. It's one of the best ice cream places ever. We heard 5 years ago how great it was on our family vacation so we stopped by, and hands down it was my brother's favorite place we visited. So of course we went back this time.

Last time hubby wasn't feeling well and didn't get ice cream.

Now hubby is a fan too.

Bye Michigan, I Miss You Already

Ten Years Ago Today - Our Wedding

Ten years ago today, I was...

* waking up having slept better than expected, with one of my closest friends, Cori, at my side {literally, she bounced on the bed screaming in my ear that it was my wedding day and time to wake up!} :)
* being all nervous that I was going to forget something at home
* having breakfast with my soon-to-be husband at Subway, praying over the day together {we are sooo not superstitious}
* getting a single red rose from soon-to-be husband which was ubber sweet
* disappointed that it started pouring rain, but laughing nonetheless and being thankful it wasn't an outdoor wedding
* getting my hair and makeup done by the greatest hairstylist ever, my soon-to-be sister-in-law Diana
* appreciating all the more the family I was marrying into as they served me, ran to get stuff for me, and helped me relax
* telling my friends to ward off my mom because I knew she'd stress me out if she was in the changing room with me. My biggest regret of the day now, as mom and I are super close and I can't believe I didn't share more of that special day with her.
* frustrated that my photographer was late, not dressed up, didn't care about the list I put together, and wasn't taking all the pictures I wanted. Oh and asking to leave early. Yep.
* frustrated that the flowers weren't what I'd wanted and that even one of my bridesmaids rose's heads popped off
* excited about the day anyway and trying to not let those things ruin it
* extremely grateful for the help of my personal assistant, Tina, who did more things than I can even begin to put into words. Her role is what later caused me to want to become a wedding planner, to help brides with the little things so they could enjoy their day... like Tina helped me be able to do.
* was beyond excited to see all my bridesmaids dressed, being surrounded by my closest friends, knowing they were there to stand up and support me was just a feeling unlike anything I've known
* oo-ing and ah-ing at the sight of my little flower girl and ring bearer all fancied up... they were sooo cute!
* walking down the aisle toward my man for our first meet-up before pictures was priceless. I still remember the look on his face and the first words he said to me "ehh, you're wearing lipstick" {he was not excited about kissing me with lipstick on, lol!}
* laughing out the window at the sight of our groomsmen making a total toilet paper mess of our car... and learning later that because of all the rain, they had to redo it
* marrying the love of my life at 2:00 p.m.
* watching and laughing at all the mishaps
* crying during the emotional moments
* soaking in time with friends and family at the cake/punch reception in our church's basement
* enjoying entering into a week of honeymooning in the Great Smoky Mountains in Tennessee

Today as I kick back on a rocker/recliner on the gorgeous covered, wrap-around porch of a bed & breakfast along the shores of Lake Michigan in a little paradise town in Michigan... I am enjoying the chance to reflect back on the past 10 years next to my beloved husband.

Here's to many, many more wonderful years together! Whatever hits us, we'll always make the most of it so long as we have the Lord and each other!

Happy 10th Anniversary honey! I love you more with each passing year!!!


Now excuse us, we have a beach calling our names....

images (c) 2000 Lisa Wigoda Photography, used by permission

Ten Years Ago Today - Our Rehearsal

Ten years ago today, I...

• was getting a manicure and massage along with one of my bridesmaids, Melissa.
• was decorating the church.
• was organizing picture displays for the reception. 
• was a little irritated that the guys kidnapped the groom for hours on end in the afternoon with me having no clue where they were (they took him to lunch and came back like 4 hours later having gone bowling! - now I'm grateful they had that time, it just threw a wrench into some questions of set up I had for Tim).
• was a little nervous.
• was organizing the rehearsal and dinner.
• was excited about a pool party with friends that got rained out.
• was embarrassed and yet had a blast at my bachelorette party at my best friend Tracie's house.
• was stoked to have one of my bridesmaids, Cori, spending the night at my house to help keep me company, get me out of the house at the right time in the morning, and to help share in my excitement... and help me get as little sleep as possible. ;)

Ten years ago tomorrow, I married the greatest guy in the world. 

Now pardon me, my hubby is sitting next to me on the front porch of a B & B in a little Michigan town, and it's time we go have some time together eating lunch and enjoying the day. Tootles!

A Spouse's View of Fibromyalgia - Part 4 of Our 10 Yr Anniv Series

Continued from yesterday...

All this leads up to where we’re currently at, which is dealing with fibromyalgia…by exercising. It sounds like a strange concept: use your muscles so your muscles and nerves don’t freak out all the time? You might even think that the exercising may actually increase the fibro pain. So far, the results (from what I gather from Rochelle) is that fibro flares become less frequent when she exercises often. Once she stops exercising for a week or two, the fibro kicks in again and it becomes tough to live with again.

Knowing all this, how has fibromyalgia changed my life? It’s…complicated. On the one hand, I feel as though I’ve had to love my wife more by taking care of her when she’s in so much pain she can’t move, especially when guests are arriving in a few days and the house is a mess. Fortunately, my parents raised me to take on chores at an early age…so chores aren’t a big deal. Doing the overwhelming majority of the chores is a different subject. The load was squarely on my shoulders. After Rochelle would apologize for her not being able to help out as much, I’d just say that when I was older, our roles would reverse.

Doing things is what comes naturally to me…and that might be a generalization of most men. We hear that something is wrong (a light bulb is out, the pilot light is out on the water heater, a spider jumped out at someone, etc) we want to fix it. The same is true when our wives have a problem: our natural tendency is to want to fix it. “Forget the explanation of how/why something happened…how can I fix it?” Imagine my world…hearing/seeing my wife in pain and not be able to fix her. Sure I can make her more comfortable…get a heating pad, do the chores for her, make breakfast/lunch/dinner, make her some cocoa, turn up/down the temperature, etc…but these won’t fix her. It’s a battle that continues to this day…one I’m not sure will ever completely end. But this is the lot that has been given to us. We try to make the best of it, but it’s a day-by-day, hour-by-hour struggle.

I've sometimes felt that I'm experiencing 'sympathy pains', even though that's a term that's typically talked about when someone is pregnant. However, that idea gets shot down. I sometimes battle with the notion of telling Rochelle of the pain that I have, because it can be seen as a comparison to her fibro pain. This comparison often causes friction between us, so I internally debate it before speaking. My biggest concern is that the pain I'm feeling could escalate into something more severe that I couldn't verbally tell Rochelle or any EMTs (if it got to that point) what's wrong with me.

I’m reminded of the Spoon theory that Rochelle blogged about a while back. It’s a very accurate description of what fibro does to someone. Sometimes, she wakes up in the morning and has 20 spoons…other times it’s only 1. We have noticed that adrenaline can delay the fibro pain (somehow adding spoons to her day), but once the adrenaline kicks off, the pain comes back (usually with a vengeance). Unfortunately, there are days that Rochelle will use her spoons on other activities (work, friends, family) and I get the leftovers, if there’s anything left at all. It’s tough to not feel jealous.

I’ve tossed around the idea that Rochelle should join a support group of some type. This idea hasn’t gone over very well, but I do think that her blog has been very therapeutic for her…to express what she’s feeling & to receive encouragement from others. To a certain extent, I think that spouses of someone with fibromyalgia should have their own support group. Why? Because the spouse is typically the one that gives support (emotional or physical) & encouragement to the one with fibro. I've found it hard to give encouragement, knowing that no matter how much Rochelle can endure the pain...it will more than likely never go away. At least when you're encouraging someone through weight loss, you can typically see results...not so much with fibro. How does one encourage someone to not give up, knowing full well that they will never succeed?

So the question that must be on everyone's mind is this: Would I have still married Rochelle had I known that Rochelle would get fibromyalgia? The answer is Yes. Obviously, there was no way of knowing that Rochelle would get fibromyalgia when we were courting or when we got married. Although the ideal situation is to not have this disabling situation, we've come to grips that this is our trial. We have been chosen to live with and deal with the pain that fibro causes so that others may see God glorified. He's the one that gives us our daily strength to press on. And press on we will...until He takes it away or until He comes back again.

A Spouse's View of Fibromyalgia - Part 3 of Our 10 Yr Anniv Series

As a part of our anniversary series leading up to our 10 year anniversary this Thursday, I thought it'd be nice to get Tim's perspective on life with Fibromyalgia. I really appreciated hearing his take on things, and I hope you will benefit from it as well. This is in two parts, next post coming tomorrow.

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Our 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up. Anniversaries tend to force you to remember how things were compared to how they are now. With that in mind, Rochelle asked me to write a few things about how fibromyalgia has impacted my life. It’s an interesting topic because I think that we all tend to focus on the subject that has ‘X-Y-Z’ syndrome/disease/etc…and forget about how having that thing effects others. But it does.

In order to see how things are now, it’s probably best to see where things were BEFORE fibro. When I met Rochelle (over 12 years ago), we were in our second year of college. I was a transfer from another college. We were both Communication majors, though somehow we didn’t end up meeting till spring semester (which is strange because of how small the department was in comparison to other schools). We began our courtship in April 1998, with the intention of marriage as an end result. Soon after, we were engaged, graduated from college and eventually married on June 24, 2000. Life…was grand.

Apart from being in an auto accident exactly one week from our wedding, the first few years together were simple and happy. We both started salaried jobs that we, for the most part, liked. We moved around a few times & eventually bought a home. Ah, the American dream…realized.

Then, out of nowhere, we started going through a streak of ‘bad luck’. Rochelle & I almost drowned in Lake Michigan from a jet ski accident, Rochelle had a big anxiety attack, we had carbon monoxide poisoning in our home, and Rochelle was in a car accident…all in a 4 month time span. Little did we know that the last event on the list would have such a lasting effect on us. This is the one event that we point towards as the beginning of Rochelle’s fibromyalgia.

It was a long/tough time figuring out what was going on. Rochelle was in pain…all over…all the time. No amount of Ibuprofen would get rid of the pain. Sure, the medicine may have decreased the pain some or maybe even dulled it, but it was lurking…just waiting to come back. So, we did what every red-blooded American would do in this situation. Go to the doctor? Nah…we surfed the web for an explanation. A few possibilities were given. We also went to the library to see if there was any more help there. Rochelle checked out a few books on fibromyalgia and began reading them. Although scared at what having fibromyalgia might mean for us, by far the greatest fear was not knowing what was the cause of Rochelle’s pain.

After all the reading was done, we pretty much had figured out that Rochelle did have fibro, but thought that we should get a doctor to verify it, so that we could attempt some sort of a drug treatment. Bear in mind that fibromyalgia was, at this point, still a syndrome that wasn’t overly accepted as an actual problem. Some in the medical field thought that it was more of a mental breakdown of sorts. Eventually we found a specialist that verified our fears…it was fibromyalgia.

The doctor prescribed a few medications. I was hoping for the best. To see someone in pain is one thing…to see someone you love in pain (and you can’t do anything to take away that pain) is another. Unfortunately, the medication didn’t help as much as we were expecting it to. Could we have taken a stronger dose? Sure. But the side effects on these pills made me wonder where the woman I married went. Rochelle was not herself and we yearned for her to be ‘back to normal’ (if there is such a thing). It got to a point where we scoffed every time there was a Lyrica commercial on TV: it may work for some (as they claim), but it didn’t work for us.

We were back at being frustrated…knowing what was wrong but having no means to get better. Rochelle continued her research and got countless pieces of advice from relatives and friends (most of the advice was not asked for, so I could sense the negativity that Rochelle had every time someone brought it up). I found myself also passing on suggestions to Rochelle (suggestions that I had either picked up from the web or from friends), only to be shrugged away. She was in a very hard place because she wanted everyone to know why she wouldn’t be able to do some things that she was able to do in the past…yet she didn’t want people to treat her like she was handicapped. It was a very thin line...one that I found myself very frustrated in determining what to do.

One of the things that made having fibro so tough was that the average person could not tell that Rochelle had it. Unlike most diseases and syndromes, fibromyalgia is one that in which the average onlooker can't tell that someone is battling. For example, you might be able to tell that someone has a sprained ankle when they start to walk...or be able to tell that someone has a type of cancer by their hair falling out. Unless the pain is so intense that she has to stop doing what she was doing, fibromyalgia was invisible to the average person.

To be continued….

Fabulous Friday - Doughboy Kitchen / Our 10 Yr Anniv / Pics

When we were registering for our wedding, I fell in love with all things Pillsbury Doughboy. A local store had a bunch of their kitchen supplies. I was so giddy with excitement at the idea! I also had some Doughboy frisbees from when I worked in the bakery of a grocery store (we served some cookies once off these frisbees as a Pillsbury promotion). We were allowed to take a couple to keep. They adorn my walls to this day.

Part of why I love it is hubster can make the Pillsbury Doughboy sound sooo well. It's freakishly adorable and funny!

He also does an insanely wonderful impersonation of Kermit the Frog. Sometimes I wonder if his true skin is actually green.

The downfall is that when we bought this kitchen, it was painted yellow and decorated with sunflowers. And we've never changed it.

Tim's brother is a general contractor now and we hope that maybe someday he'll be able to tackle our kitchen for us. I desperately need a dishwasher! And painted walls. And non-70s-style flooring and countertops. And more cabinet space.

You would think I would finish the dishes and straighten things up a bit before taking pictures, but since I didn't we'll just pretend not to notice, k?

So now that stores and even Pillsbury.com don't sell these items anymore, I'm in a bit of a pickle. I loveeeee this stuff, but the kitchen and the stuff don't match. 6 1/2 years of this and I'm ready for it to change.

Okay, so I can live with it. All in all, I'm thankful to have a kitchen. I'm blessed to have a home that is safe, full of love, and I am well cared for. I know that in these rough economic times, we all have to keep in mind the things we take for granted that other people might just cherish. I don't want to take it for granted. I am truly happy about what I have. But I'm just sharing honestly about my desire to make the kitchen our own if given the opportunity.

Without further ado, some of my items....

So what do you think? Keep the Doughboy stuff and change the kitchen? Or ditch the Pillsbury since they aren't making/selling these things anymore and trade over to sunflowers to match the kitchen?

Or keep trying crazy hard to talk hubster into moving closer to work so we can ditch our 45 minute and 1 hour each way commutes?!?!

~~~~~

I am still having a hard time believing that exactly 2 weeks from yesterday we will have been married for TEN years!!!! Here is one of my favorite recent pictures, taken at Tim's 15 year high school reunion on Saturday by our friend, and reunion party hostess, Jenni.

And here we were 10 yrs ago

He had 3 of his closest guy friends from high school as groomsmen in our wedding. So of course at the reunion, since the 3 guys were there, I had to grab a picture of all of them with Tim!

L to R: Dave, Tim, John, and Shaun

And here they were 10 yrs ago

We didn't purposefully arrange them in the same order they'd be in for this picture so I gasped when I realized how cool that was that it happened that way! :)

~~~~~

In other news: I already desperately miss these faces:

But am super stoked I got to have lunch with this guy and his wonderful mama yesterday... followed by a visit to my office where I got to see my fav lil' man CRAWLING!!!!! Yayyyy, go Parker! And oh my lands, check out all his teeth!

Happy Friday!