It all started 9 years ago today.
I won't bore you with the details yet again, for those of you all too familiar with my story. If you want to read more about it, you can do so on the "My Fibro Story" page.
It's been a long, hard road.
And I've learned a lot.
I know I'm not who I was then and I'm thankful for that.
I enjoy reflecting and I'm glad I mark these things on the calendar.
But today, I'm not full of a lot of words. Just a bit of solemn reflection.
I went away this weekend to a women's event and I came back different. Or at least I feel different. I hope I'm different.
So I'm doing a lot of thinking, praying, reading the Bible, and focusing on Jesus. Because it's all for Him anyway. He's my entire purpose.
This isn't my home. Someday I'm going to be in heaven in a new body, with no more pain. I do truly look forward to that day!
Showing posts with label Fibromyalgia Updates. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fibromyalgia Updates. Show all posts
Monday, August 17, 2015
Thursday, May 14, 2015
2015 Fibromyalgia Awareness Day
The day came and went without me even knowing it.
Apparently Fibromyalgia Awareness Day was earlier this week. Whoops!
At this point in my journey, I'm ready for life to just be more than Fibro. I don't want the pain and fatigue that I face every moment of every day to define me. So I just honestly don't keep tabs on that info much anymore. But I still do have things to say about it sometimes (though, seriously, isn't just looking at my baby... er, toddler... way cuter and more fun?!?! ;)).
And though I certainly wish I wasn't facing this all the time, I have truly learned to be thankful for it. Beyond what I could ever really put into words. It's changed me, grown my ability to be more compassionate toward the pain of others, and it has strengthened me in places I didn't know existed.
Fibromyalgia, in case you aren't aware, is all over body pain and fatigue. Constantly. It doesn't come and go in waves. It's not there one moment and gone the next. People who have Fibromyalgia deal with unimaginable pain. If you don't have it, you can't even begin to fully comprehend the level of suffering we endure daily.
Day in and day out. All over. Constant.
We hurt. We ache. We fall apart. We can barely stand because the utter fatigue weighs us down and threatens to knock us onto our backs regularly. We want to scream because it hurts so much.
Then there are the flare-ups. Ohhh. Such pain and debilitating fatigue. It's like nothing I can explain. So we try not to push too hard, to overdue it, to say yes to too much, to get stuck in situations that we can't get out of, or to over-commit. It taxes our bodies far beyond what a normal body would feel by overdoing it.
But because our pain isn't seen, it's often thought of even still as just IN OUR HEADS.
This is so ridiculous and it just gives us great stress. Which ironically makes us feel 100x worse than we already did.
Not only does Fibro come with pain and fatigue, it also comes with a host of other symptoms, which vary from person-to-person since Fibro is such an individualized syndrome/illness:
- irritable bowel syndrome
- acid reflux
- brain fog
- headaches
- anxiety
- depression
- insomnia or sleep disturbances
- numbness or tingling in hands, arms, legs, and feet
- cramps/weakness
- balance/coordination problems
- muscle spasms
- sensitivities to touch, smells, and lights
- intensely painful menstrual cramps
- restless legs syndrome
- impaired memory and concentration
- dry eyes and mouth
- ringing in the ears
- dizziness
- vision problems
[not an all-inclusive list -- taken from various websites]
So yeah. You don't wake up and wish you had this. But when you have it, you fight. You get up, you keep going (not every day, but most days).
You find inner resolve and strength. You find people like you. And you try to help others understand and become more aware so that we feel less isolated and more cared about.
Fibromyalgia. It can be a killer of your joy, but only if you let it.
Apparently Fibromyalgia Awareness Day was earlier this week. Whoops!
At this point in my journey, I'm ready for life to just be more than Fibro. I don't want the pain and fatigue that I face every moment of every day to define me. So I just honestly don't keep tabs on that info much anymore. But I still do have things to say about it sometimes (though, seriously, isn't just looking at my baby... er, toddler... way cuter and more fun?!?! ;)).
And though I certainly wish I wasn't facing this all the time, I have truly learned to be thankful for it. Beyond what I could ever really put into words. It's changed me, grown my ability to be more compassionate toward the pain of others, and it has strengthened me in places I didn't know existed.
Fibromyalgia, in case you aren't aware, is all over body pain and fatigue. Constantly. It doesn't come and go in waves. It's not there one moment and gone the next. People who have Fibromyalgia deal with unimaginable pain. If you don't have it, you can't even begin to fully comprehend the level of suffering we endure daily.
Day in and day out. All over. Constant.
We hurt. We ache. We fall apart. We can barely stand because the utter fatigue weighs us down and threatens to knock us onto our backs regularly. We want to scream because it hurts so much.
Then there are the flare-ups. Ohhh. Such pain and debilitating fatigue. It's like nothing I can explain. So we try not to push too hard, to overdue it, to say yes to too much, to get stuck in situations that we can't get out of, or to over-commit. It taxes our bodies far beyond what a normal body would feel by overdoing it.
But because our pain isn't seen, it's often thought of even still as just IN OUR HEADS.
This is so ridiculous and it just gives us great stress. Which ironically makes us feel 100x worse than we already did.
Not only does Fibro come with pain and fatigue, it also comes with a host of other symptoms, which vary from person-to-person since Fibro is such an individualized syndrome/illness:
- irritable bowel syndrome
- acid reflux
- brain fog
- headaches
- anxiety
- depression
- insomnia or sleep disturbances
- numbness or tingling in hands, arms, legs, and feet
- cramps/weakness
- balance/coordination problems
- muscle spasms
- sensitivities to touch, smells, and lights
- intensely painful menstrual cramps
- restless legs syndrome
- impaired memory and concentration
- dry eyes and mouth
- ringing in the ears
- dizziness
- vision problems
[not an all-inclusive list -- taken from various websites]
So yeah. You don't wake up and wish you had this. But when you have it, you fight. You get up, you keep going (not every day, but most days).
You find inner resolve and strength. You find people like you. And you try to help others understand and become more aware so that we feel less isolated and more cared about.
Fibromyalgia. It can be a killer of your joy, but only if you let it.
Saturday, January 10, 2015
In the Illness Trenches
This is not a post to make you feel sorry for me. This is not a post to make you feel guilty if you are healthy.
That being said, let's go....
Being in the trenches of trials and suffering through a chronic illness is often very lonely.
Very. very.
Lonely.
Dark.
Hard.
Somedays it feels like you're climbing a mountain. Daily.
Taking supplements and vitamins. Researching the latest health trends. Researching treatments. Seeing doctors and specialists. Being tested until you're blue in the face. Emailing your doctors so much that you're certain they're convinced you're a bit crazy.
Overwhelmed by articles shared and friends doing their best to share ideas they've heard of with you. It can often hit like a ton of bricks to get yet another suggestion on something to take, to do, or to consider when you've either already heard of it or can't possibly try one.more.thing.
Too much is sometimes too much when you are simply trying to survive.
Everyone has good intentions, of course. But sometimes we just want to be still. Be quiet. And not have to be faced with the reality of our illness every single moment of every single day.
It's exhausting and draining.
It's a tough road.
All this suffering. In pain. And other random symptoms that are so ridiculous you're not always sure it's part of your illness or just a part of life and you got all the bad luck.
You ask your doctors a million questions. And feel like they're tired of trying to help you. {Even when you feel you have the absolute best primary doctor and chiropractors in the world, like I do.}
You are doing things you never wanted to or ever dreamed of doing. Forcing your loved ones to care for you in ways you could have never imagined. And would never wish on them. It brings tears to your eyes sometimes to think of it.
We desperately long for community, and sometimes all we can do is get online and reach out or seek those who are like us. It's a saving grace for those who are homebound. It's an outlet when there's nothing else.
But real life. Knowing people in person who struggle with chronic illness can be a really big deal and a huge way to deal with it all. Connect with those, whenever and however you can.
I must confess. For me, it continues to be a battle to be close friends with people who are truly healthy in basically every way. I battle jealousy and frustration because I wish I was them. There's a barrier in our relationship that we wish wasn't there. We want to understand and we know they want to understand us, but there will always be a difference in our realities.
One cannot truly understand until they've been there.
It's simply true.
As much as I love those in my life who are healthy, my dearest, closest friends are those who have also struggled. Who can fully share in my joys and fears, my trials and victories, my pain and suffering, my love and zest for life despite it all, and especially those who share my love of Jesus.
I do not want you to feel guilty if you don't have these issues. Truly. It's okay. I just have to be real with those who come here with illnesses. To encourage and remind them that as they battle these feelings too, they aren't the only ones.
For me though, another saving grace is that most of the time, my husband is the one who makes me stay sane with this battle. Though he cannot comprehend what I'm dealing with daily, he lives it alongside of me day in and day out, so he sees and understands better than most.
I know that Fibromyalgia and other chronic illnesses are really misunderstood. Some people still believe Fibromyalgia is more in the head than anything else. I wish I could convince anyone reading this that it's not. That concept is still baffling to me. It's an illness. It's so hard. And people thinking it's "made up" just hurts the whole of the Fibromyalgia community.
Today I've had a burst of energy and have gotten a ton of things done around our house. It's a great feeling.
But I've also been fighting a ton of pain today as I've been doing all of that. I hurt everywhere. It just never goes away. So even when I can function well, I'm never ever going to be normal again.
There are days I can do more. There are days I can only rest and want to scream as pain tears through every ounce of my body.
The majority of people cannot possibly understand that. Though they can have sympathy, pray for me, and surround me during desperate times of need... they can't wrap their heads around what my life is fully like. Not that I expect them to.
I just mean that I think those of us dealing with chronic illnesses need people close in our lives who truly understand and can relate on a more intimate level.
For those of you who are in the trenches with illness, you also need to know that
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
You will face dark, hard days. It's going to be okay.
You will struggle indefinitely, perhaps your entire life. Take it one day at a time.
You will wish it would end, you will beg God to take it away. Cry out to him in pain and trust him to handle it for you, and pray for his strength.
You will face deep loneliness. You are not alone. Reach out and share your story with others. Let people in. Talk about what fears and struggles you face. Don't give up, there is always hope!
I promise in the end, everything will truly be okay. God will make it right. For now he just asks us to obey and to trust him.
It's a sinful, messy, hard world out there. Everyone has something hard in their lives, and this is what God has allowed for us. It may not make sense most days and you will wish you were healthier, but try to think positively and focus on what ways you've grown through your illness.
In the trenches, alongside you.
Hang in there and remember that God loves you, no matter what.
That being said, let's go....
Being in the trenches of trials and suffering through a chronic illness is often very lonely.
Very. very.
Lonely.
Dark.
Hard.
Somedays it feels like you're climbing a mountain. Daily.
Taking supplements and vitamins. Researching the latest health trends. Researching treatments. Seeing doctors and specialists. Being tested until you're blue in the face. Emailing your doctors so much that you're certain they're convinced you're a bit crazy.
Overwhelmed by articles shared and friends doing their best to share ideas they've heard of with you. It can often hit like a ton of bricks to get yet another suggestion on something to take, to do, or to consider when you've either already heard of it or can't possibly try one.more.thing.
Too much is sometimes too much when you are simply trying to survive.
Everyone has good intentions, of course. But sometimes we just want to be still. Be quiet. And not have to be faced with the reality of our illness every single moment of every single day.
It's exhausting and draining.
It's a tough road.
All this suffering. In pain. And other random symptoms that are so ridiculous you're not always sure it's part of your illness or just a part of life and you got all the bad luck.
You ask your doctors a million questions. And feel like they're tired of trying to help you. {Even when you feel you have the absolute best primary doctor and chiropractors in the world, like I do.}
You are doing things you never wanted to or ever dreamed of doing. Forcing your loved ones to care for you in ways you could have never imagined. And would never wish on them. It brings tears to your eyes sometimes to think of it.
We desperately long for community, and sometimes all we can do is get online and reach out or seek those who are like us. It's a saving grace for those who are homebound. It's an outlet when there's nothing else.
But real life. Knowing people in person who struggle with chronic illness can be a really big deal and a huge way to deal with it all. Connect with those, whenever and however you can.
I must confess. For me, it continues to be a battle to be close friends with people who are truly healthy in basically every way. I battle jealousy and frustration because I wish I was them. There's a barrier in our relationship that we wish wasn't there. We want to understand and we know they want to understand us, but there will always be a difference in our realities.
One cannot truly understand until they've been there.
It's simply true.
As much as I love those in my life who are healthy, my dearest, closest friends are those who have also struggled. Who can fully share in my joys and fears, my trials and victories, my pain and suffering, my love and zest for life despite it all, and especially those who share my love of Jesus.
I do not want you to feel guilty if you don't have these issues. Truly. It's okay. I just have to be real with those who come here with illnesses. To encourage and remind them that as they battle these feelings too, they aren't the only ones.
For me though, another saving grace is that most of the time, my husband is the one who makes me stay sane with this battle. Though he cannot comprehend what I'm dealing with daily, he lives it alongside of me day in and day out, so he sees and understands better than most.
I know that Fibromyalgia and other chronic illnesses are really misunderstood. Some people still believe Fibromyalgia is more in the head than anything else. I wish I could convince anyone reading this that it's not. That concept is still baffling to me. It's an illness. It's so hard. And people thinking it's "made up" just hurts the whole of the Fibromyalgia community.
Today I've had a burst of energy and have gotten a ton of things done around our house. It's a great feeling.
But I've also been fighting a ton of pain today as I've been doing all of that. I hurt everywhere. It just never goes away. So even when I can function well, I'm never ever going to be normal again.
There are days I can do more. There are days I can only rest and want to scream as pain tears through every ounce of my body.
The majority of people cannot possibly understand that. Though they can have sympathy, pray for me, and surround me during desperate times of need... they can't wrap their heads around what my life is fully like. Not that I expect them to.
I just mean that I think those of us dealing with chronic illnesses need people close in our lives who truly understand and can relate on a more intimate level.
For those of you who are in the trenches with illness, you also need to know that
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
You will face dark, hard days. It's going to be okay.
You will struggle indefinitely, perhaps your entire life. Take it one day at a time.
You will wish it would end, you will beg God to take it away. Cry out to him in pain and trust him to handle it for you, and pray for his strength.
You will face deep loneliness. You are not alone. Reach out and share your story with others. Let people in. Talk about what fears and struggles you face. Don't give up, there is always hope!
I promise in the end, everything will truly be okay. God will make it right. For now he just asks us to obey and to trust him.
It's a sinful, messy, hard world out there. Everyone has something hard in their lives, and this is what God has allowed for us. It may not make sense most days and you will wish you were healthier, but try to think positively and focus on what ways you've grown through your illness.
In the trenches, alongside you.
Hang in there and remember that God loves you, no matter what.
Monday, August 18, 2014
8 Years Ago Yesterday - The Beginning of My Fibromyalgia Journey
It was a day like any other.
I was at work, doing my job per usual.
And then all of a sudden... what slowly began as tingling in my arm, over time developed and was later diagnosed officially as Fibromyalgia.
8 years ago yesterday {August 17}, our lives changed forever.
Though we will never be the same, we have learned a lot through living with chronic illness, the sacrifices it takes, the toll it takes, the ways it's made us more grateful for what we do have, and the mercy & goodness God has shown us well beyond what we could have ever imagined.
The first two years, I battled a lot of depression. It was confusing, overwhelming, and felt impossible.
Then through a series of events, God helped open my eyes and I started learning, researching, feeling better, finding better ways to deal with this illness, experimenting with a wide variety of treatments and therapies, and growing exponentially in compassion for others with chronic illnesses, cancer, etc.
I've learned to be thankful for this adventure. God is working on me every day and growing my character to be more like his. I can't imagine my life now without Fibromyaglia, and while I certainly do ask him for healing, I trust his ultimate plan for my life.
Grateful to all of you who have gone with me on this journey thus far. I greatly appreciate your prayers, thoughts, advice, support, and encouragement!!
For more on my Fibro story, go to My Fibro Story page.
I was at work, doing my job per usual.
And then all of a sudden... what slowly began as tingling in my arm, over time developed and was later diagnosed officially as Fibromyalgia.
8 years ago yesterday {August 17}, our lives changed forever.
 |
| In 2007 - less than a year after my symptoms began |
The first two years, I battled a lot of depression. It was confusing, overwhelming, and felt impossible.
Then through a series of events, God helped open my eyes and I started learning, researching, feeling better, finding better ways to deal with this illness, experimenting with a wide variety of treatments and therapies, and growing exponentially in compassion for others with chronic illnesses, cancer, etc.
I've learned to be thankful for this adventure. God is working on me every day and growing my character to be more like his. I can't imagine my life now without Fibromyaglia, and while I certainly do ask him for healing, I trust his ultimate plan for my life.
Grateful to all of you who have gone with me on this journey thus far. I greatly appreciate your prayers, thoughts, advice, support, and encouragement!!
For more on my Fibro story, go to My Fibro Story page.
 |
| Me with dear friends on our girls night in July. I hope I look wiser and more carefree than I did 8 years ago {not just older, lol!}. |
Friday, June 13, 2014
Attempt at Some Fibromyalgia Treatment
Several weeks ago, Elijah & I started seeing an all-natural, holistic chiropractor.
I hadn't been to this particular chiropractor in about 5 years, and when I had gone to him it was only a few times.
But I have dear friends who go there and swear by his treatments, and I ended up going back out of sheer desperation to build Elijah's immune support. This chiro has incredible ways of treating people {different than any other chiropractor I've ever heard of, in the ways he does things...}.
And I'm liking him and his treatments better this time! But it's still a 45 minute - 1 hour drive each way. Arg.
Right now, it's worth it. Not only is he targeting our immune systems, he is also working to rid my body of chronic fatigue, and ultimately Fibromyalgia.
What?!?!
Yep, you heard right.
But it is not an easy process.
When we're in his office, he has unique ways of finding what parts of me are problematic and what he needs to most target at that time, and what supplements to give me, slowly increasing to now about 25 pills a day! {Have I ever mentioned how much I hate pills?! And that's on top of my already 7 pills of medications a day - gah!} He does some adjustments or therapy, targeting my worst areas, and making me feel immediately better. Later that night, the crushing fatigue inevitably always hits. Hard.
Both of our immune systems have gotten better... as long as I remember to actually give ourselves the supplements we're supposed to be taking! He has a liquid herbal supplement for his immune support that smells like Thyme and Sage, and he really likes it. But he's choked on it several times, once to a scary degree and he nearly stopped breathing. So the doc talked me through options when we were there a couple days ago, and I hope to get Elijah back on track soon. But gratefully he's doing really well with the treatments and is feeling great right now!
And for me to really get better, I need to regularly take these pills. Which are not always easy to swallow. And there are so many.
I need to do this. But the discouraging thing is this:
It gets way worse before it gets better.
My pain & fatigue levels lately have been astronomical. Terrible. The fatigue has been crushing. The numbness and tingling in my hands has been brutal. I fight through it all. I push. I have to. I'm a mom now, there's no real down time. Especially as we plan his 1st birthday party in 2 weeks {can you believe it?? - we can't!!}.
The worst part about the treatment? Major itching up and down my forearms. Major. Like I could claw my arms off!! I want to scratch every moment of the day. They're raw and gross and painful. Like a million little needles are poking me from the inside out {ohhh the pain} and making me itch at the same time.
It's so discouraging that it's hard to push through the treatment and feel the reward. But the biggest reward right now is that it has naturally lowered my blood pressure. Which is fantastic {!!!}. That doesn't make it easier to process that I feel worse, but it helps because that's a big deal for me. It's just easy to forget when I need to take more pills again or when I feel like clawing my arms off.
So it's a process right now. A long and uneasy one. A process that may be tough to fully stick with because of the drive, because of money, and because it's just plain hard.
But as I said, Elijah has done great with his treatments and is on a good stretch right now of not being sick. Which we are so thankful for and pray it continues!! Especially for his party. If he's sick at the time his party hits, I will be devastated.
Because 1st birthday party planning is stressful, yo.
But I'm also super excited to celebrate with family and close friends our baby's 1st year!! Though he won't remember and we aren't really doing it for him, we are really, really looking forward to it.
I will continue to keep you posted on how this treatment works for me. I'm hopeful. But it's going to be draining, challenging, exhausting, and really tough. I pray I can keep fighting through it enough to make it feel completely worth it in the end.
Not having Fibromyalgia would be phenomenal. But it's really hard to picture that actually happening.
I hadn't been to this particular chiropractor in about 5 years, and when I had gone to him it was only a few times.
But I have dear friends who go there and swear by his treatments, and I ended up going back out of sheer desperation to build Elijah's immune support. This chiro has incredible ways of treating people {different than any other chiropractor I've ever heard of, in the ways he does things...}.
And I'm liking him and his treatments better this time! But it's still a 45 minute - 1 hour drive each way. Arg.
Right now, it's worth it. Not only is he targeting our immune systems, he is also working to rid my body of chronic fatigue, and ultimately Fibromyalgia.
What?!?!
Yep, you heard right.
But it is not an easy process.
When we're in his office, he has unique ways of finding what parts of me are problematic and what he needs to most target at that time, and what supplements to give me, slowly increasing to now about 25 pills a day! {Have I ever mentioned how much I hate pills?! And that's on top of my already 7 pills of medications a day - gah!} He does some adjustments or therapy, targeting my worst areas, and making me feel immediately better. Later that night, the crushing fatigue inevitably always hits. Hard.
Both of our immune systems have gotten better... as long as I remember to actually give ourselves the supplements we're supposed to be taking! He has a liquid herbal supplement for his immune support that smells like Thyme and Sage, and he really likes it. But he's choked on it several times, once to a scary degree and he nearly stopped breathing. So the doc talked me through options when we were there a couple days ago, and I hope to get Elijah back on track soon. But gratefully he's doing really well with the treatments and is feeling great right now!
And for me to really get better, I need to regularly take these pills. Which are not always easy to swallow. And there are so many.
I need to do this. But the discouraging thing is this:
It gets way worse before it gets better.
My pain & fatigue levels lately have been astronomical. Terrible. The fatigue has been crushing. The numbness and tingling in my hands has been brutal. I fight through it all. I push. I have to. I'm a mom now, there's no real down time. Especially as we plan his 1st birthday party in 2 weeks {can you believe it?? - we can't!!}.
The worst part about the treatment? Major itching up and down my forearms. Major. Like I could claw my arms off!! I want to scratch every moment of the day. They're raw and gross and painful. Like a million little needles are poking me from the inside out {ohhh the pain} and making me itch at the same time.
It's so discouraging that it's hard to push through the treatment and feel the reward. But the biggest reward right now is that it has naturally lowered my blood pressure. Which is fantastic {!!!}. That doesn't make it easier to process that I feel worse, but it helps because that's a big deal for me. It's just easy to forget when I need to take more pills again or when I feel like clawing my arms off.
So it's a process right now. A long and uneasy one. A process that may be tough to fully stick with because of the drive, because of money, and because it's just plain hard.
But as I said, Elijah has done great with his treatments and is on a good stretch right now of not being sick. Which we are so thankful for and pray it continues!! Especially for his party. If he's sick at the time his party hits, I will be devastated.
Because 1st birthday party planning is stressful, yo.
But I'm also super excited to celebrate with family and close friends our baby's 1st year!! Though he won't remember and we aren't really doing it for him, we are really, really looking forward to it.
I will continue to keep you posted on how this treatment works for me. I'm hopeful. But it's going to be draining, challenging, exhausting, and really tough. I pray I can keep fighting through it enough to make it feel completely worth it in the end.
Not having Fibromyalgia would be phenomenal. But it's really hard to picture that actually happening.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Suffering in Silence / Fibro Update
Other than my husband, no one else knows the extreme pain and horrific-ness of the past few days.
The extreme temperatures here in Chicagoland {and across much of the U.S.} has really flared up my Fibromyalgia.
It's been brutal. For me.
I've really struggled so much with talking about my Fibro symptoms lately. Still trying to figure out that fine line of awareness versus complaint. Longing to be heard and understood in a loud world. Longing to be recognized for what I deal with, while not wanting to minimize anyone else's worse pain or suffering.
This comes in the midst of email exchanges with a dear friend suffering a great, great loss. She said goodbye to her sweet baby girl a little over a month ago. Her baby lived a mere 6 hours, but had a profound impact on many, me included. It also comes in the midst of Facebook messages with an older friend I grew up going to church with, a lady whose grandson died at the age of 6 months, one year ago yesterday. It comes in the midst of seeing a friend posting on Facebook about her absolutely terrifying health issues and concerns, with no seeming answers to the Lyme disease issues ravaging her body. It comes in the midst of those I know going through cancer treatments, like watching a 3-year-old boy finally rid his body of cancer but still feeling the great effects of his brain tumor, cancer-ravaged body.
And I feel selfish for even mentioning my own pain and fatigue, so this is a hard post for me to write.
But I feel like it also needs to be said.
Their stories don't lessen what's happening to me, but it changes the perspective. It yields my heart to compassion and mercy. To a less complaining attitude and a more grateful attitude.
Grateful that it's not worse, but ohhhh wishing it were better. Longing for Heaven where there will be no more pain or sorrow or grief or tears.
My current reality is blinding headaches every day, searing pain throughout my entire body, fatigue that hits me with a big whoomp!! when I try to get up in the morning, and more that I'll spare you.
But I push through. I manage. I have to. I'm thankful for an illness that has helped me to see the greater, deeper needs of others. To care for those in need. To learn how to take care of myself in different ways than I had ever anticipated. To have to watch my husband step up in places I wish he didn't have to.
Though I'm gripped by severe pain and fatigue... God is good. So very, very good.
The extreme temperatures here in Chicagoland {and across much of the U.S.} has really flared up my Fibromyalgia.
It's been brutal. For me.
I've really struggled so much with talking about my Fibro symptoms lately. Still trying to figure out that fine line of awareness versus complaint. Longing to be heard and understood in a loud world. Longing to be recognized for what I deal with, while not wanting to minimize anyone else's worse pain or suffering.
This comes in the midst of email exchanges with a dear friend suffering a great, great loss. She said goodbye to her sweet baby girl a little over a month ago. Her baby lived a mere 6 hours, but had a profound impact on many, me included. It also comes in the midst of Facebook messages with an older friend I grew up going to church with, a lady whose grandson died at the age of 6 months, one year ago yesterday. It comes in the midst of seeing a friend posting on Facebook about her absolutely terrifying health issues and concerns, with no seeming answers to the Lyme disease issues ravaging her body. It comes in the midst of those I know going through cancer treatments, like watching a 3-year-old boy finally rid his body of cancer but still feeling the great effects of his brain tumor, cancer-ravaged body.
And I feel selfish for even mentioning my own pain and fatigue, so this is a hard post for me to write.
But I feel like it also needs to be said.
Their stories don't lessen what's happening to me, but it changes the perspective. It yields my heart to compassion and mercy. To a less complaining attitude and a more grateful attitude.
Grateful that it's not worse, but ohhhh wishing it were better. Longing for Heaven where there will be no more pain or sorrow or grief or tears.
My current reality is blinding headaches every day, searing pain throughout my entire body, fatigue that hits me with a big whoomp!! when I try to get up in the morning, and more that I'll spare you.
But I push through. I manage. I have to. I'm thankful for an illness that has helped me to see the greater, deeper needs of others. To care for those in need. To learn how to take care of myself in different ways than I had ever anticipated. To have to watch my husband step up in places I wish he didn't have to.
Though I'm gripped by severe pain and fatigue... God is good. So very, very good.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Fibromyalgia Reality
The hard reality about Fibromyalgia is its utter unpredictability.
And the fact that there just isn't much to say about it anymore.
I started this blog as a way to help educate others about Fibro, and now, so often, I just don't have anything interesting or useful to say about it.
There's just nothing different in my life with it. It's always there. Ever-present. Never going away. Even if I don't mention it, it's not because things are better or because I've found some new cure (by the way, there isn't one!).
It's because it's part of my life now. My daily routine. Everything I do and say comes with Fibro. It's just part of me now. I've accepted it. It's part of who I am.
How do you talk about that? I certainly have no idea.
I'm okay. Trucking along as I adjust to motherhood. Being a mom is a hard adjustment, as many of you know. Add Fibromyalgia into the mix and it sure makes things interesting. But it's my life. And I'm okay. Some days are just super hard and I have to push through the pain. Other days hubby can step up and help (which he's been amazing at, regardless of whether I ask or not!). And other days I just cry a lot and try not to freak out.
It is what it is.
Back we go to posting way too many pictures and details about my kiddo, but I don't care.
He's just too dag gone cute, and we waited far too long for me to be sensitive about whether or not people actually want to know this much about my son. I'm okay if you don't want to. But I think you should because he's pretty amazing. :) Way more interesting than me or my Fibromyalgia!
And the fact that there just isn't much to say about it anymore.
I started this blog as a way to help educate others about Fibro, and now, so often, I just don't have anything interesting or useful to say about it.
There's just nothing different in my life with it. It's always there. Ever-present. Never going away. Even if I don't mention it, it's not because things are better or because I've found some new cure (by the way, there isn't one!).
It's because it's part of my life now. My daily routine. Everything I do and say comes with Fibro. It's just part of me now. I've accepted it. It's part of who I am.
How do you talk about that? I certainly have no idea.
I'm okay. Trucking along as I adjust to motherhood. Being a mom is a hard adjustment, as many of you know. Add Fibromyalgia into the mix and it sure makes things interesting. But it's my life. And I'm okay. Some days are just super hard and I have to push through the pain. Other days hubby can step up and help (which he's been amazing at, regardless of whether I ask or not!). And other days I just cry a lot and try not to freak out.
It is what it is.
Back we go to posting way too many pictures and details about my kiddo, but I don't care.
He's just too dag gone cute, and we waited far too long for me to be sensitive about whether or not people actually want to know this much about my son. I'm okay if you don't want to. But I think you should because he's pretty amazing. :) Way more interesting than me or my Fibromyalgia!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Fibromyalgia Update
I just really don't know what to say in this regard.
I know some of you read this blog for my talks on Fibro, but I found myself getting repetitive and boring.
I can't come up with anything original on this topic lately - I'm just like those of you who have chronic illnesses and are trying to survive {or sometimes thrive} in life. There are some really, really good days and there are some really, really hard days.
People are still often surprised to learn I have it or good friends who know I have it but learn more specific details about it, because I do so much that they find it hard to believe.
I don't know how I do what I do outside of the goodness & grace of God, because there's otherwise no rhyme or reason to how I'm not in bed constantly or depressed regularly as a result of all the pain and fatigue.
I struggle because I want to be completely real about it, but I also want to be and am someone outside of just my Fibromyalgia. It doesn't define who I am. I don't want to talk about it constantly or remind everyone that I have it. It's an invisible illness for a reason. It's not up to me to remind everyone I'm in contact with daily that I am in regular, constant, all over pain.
Besides, who really wants a constant complainer nearby?!
I'm trying to not bring down every conversation with what I have to deal with daily, because trust me, it's not something everyone wants to hear. I know how depressing and discouraging it can be, I don't need to drag others down with me. I'd much rather encourage and uplift them in any way that I can. I'd prefer to use what I've learned and how I've grown as a means to impact people's lives.
If my story can even remotely influence how they keep perspective on their own life, can help remind them that God is using their lives no matter what they are going through; can help us grow in character, patience, humility, and compassion; or can be used to bring glory to God in any way... then it's completely worth it.
Completely.
I'm not kidding.
But here's where I'm at with things physically right now... medications, doctors, workout programs, nutrition, etc, has all been put on a back-burner for a while as I just try to make it through for a bit without major upheaval. I need a few more constants in my life at this time.
Alas, there's just not a whole lot to say about it. I'm persevering the best that I can, with God's strength. That's all I can manage for the time being.
I appreciate so much all of you who care about this aspect of my life! And I hope I'm having even one iota of an impact, even when my posts are pictures of friends babies, what we did over any particular weekend, or some other random life update. Because this blog is about so much more than just my Fibromyalgia.
It's about me.
I know some of you read this blog for my talks on Fibro, but I found myself getting repetitive and boring.
I can't come up with anything original on this topic lately - I'm just like those of you who have chronic illnesses and are trying to survive {or sometimes thrive} in life. There are some really, really good days and there are some really, really hard days.
People are still often surprised to learn I have it or good friends who know I have it but learn more specific details about it, because I do so much that they find it hard to believe.
I don't know how I do what I do outside of the goodness & grace of God, because there's otherwise no rhyme or reason to how I'm not in bed constantly or depressed regularly as a result of all the pain and fatigue.
I struggle because I want to be completely real about it, but I also want to be and am someone outside of just my Fibromyalgia. It doesn't define who I am. I don't want to talk about it constantly or remind everyone that I have it. It's an invisible illness for a reason. It's not up to me to remind everyone I'm in contact with daily that I am in regular, constant, all over pain.
Besides, who really wants a constant complainer nearby?!
I'm trying to not bring down every conversation with what I have to deal with daily, because trust me, it's not something everyone wants to hear. I know how depressing and discouraging it can be, I don't need to drag others down with me. I'd much rather encourage and uplift them in any way that I can. I'd prefer to use what I've learned and how I've grown as a means to impact people's lives.
If my story can even remotely influence how they keep perspective on their own life, can help remind them that God is using their lives no matter what they are going through; can help us grow in character, patience, humility, and compassion; or can be used to bring glory to God in any way... then it's completely worth it.
Completely.
I'm not kidding.
But here's where I'm at with things physically right now... medications, doctors, workout programs, nutrition, etc, has all been put on a back-burner for a while as I just try to make it through for a bit without major upheaval. I need a few more constants in my life at this time.
Alas, there's just not a whole lot to say about it. I'm persevering the best that I can, with God's strength. That's all I can manage for the time being.
I appreciate so much all of you who care about this aspect of my life! And I hope I'm having even one iota of an impact, even when my posts are pictures of friends babies, what we did over any particular weekend, or some other random life update. Because this blog is about so much more than just my Fibromyalgia.
It's about me.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Quick Update
My chiropractor helped me quite a bit on Monday afternoon, and I'm so thankful for his mad skillz!
My tailbone pain is still not great, but it's much more manageable. At least now I can bend, move, lay, sit, stretch, go to the bathroom, shower, etc, without wanting to scream, writhing in pain, or nearly blacking out!!!
My fatigue is still bad, and I'm not sure what to do about that. Last night I attempted grocery shopping. I had to stop for a minute before approaching the check out line just to gather up even one iota that I had left of energy. I feared I might pass out in the line. It was an awful, scary feeling, but I'm thankful God gave me the strength I needed to push through and get to my car safely.
My chiropractor is amazing and he's hard to get into sometimes, so my follow-up appt isn't until next Monday, but I'm sure it'll help a lot too. Here's to feeling better soon and this Fibro flare-up disappearing soon!
So... I'm doing better overall, and greatly appreciate all your concerns and prayers!
My tailbone pain is still not great, but it's much more manageable. At least now I can bend, move, lay, sit, stretch, go to the bathroom, shower, etc, without wanting to scream, writhing in pain, or nearly blacking out!!!
My fatigue is still bad, and I'm not sure what to do about that. Last night I attempted grocery shopping. I had to stop for a minute before approaching the check out line just to gather up even one iota that I had left of energy. I feared I might pass out in the line. It was an awful, scary feeling, but I'm thankful God gave me the strength I needed to push through and get to my car safely.
My chiropractor is amazing and he's hard to get into sometimes, so my follow-up appt isn't until next Monday, but I'm sure it'll help a lot too. Here's to feeling better soon and this Fibro flare-up disappearing soon!
So... I'm doing better overall, and greatly appreciate all your concerns and prayers!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Cold, Hard Reality about Fibromyalgia
Every time I mentally check out from dealing head-on with my Fibromyalgia, it seems to hit me with blunt force and surprise me back to the cold, hard reality that is life with chronic illness.
I sometimes like to go about my life as if everything is fine. I enjoy my life and soak up every ounce of it I possibly can.
I pretend as if I really am normal. As if I don't deal with a host of pain, fatigue, and other symptoms.
Then... this week happened.
The fatigue was awful at times, crushing at others. Hitting me out of nowhere, making me feel like I was going to fall over. The past few days, I've fought to struggle past falling asleep at every turn. Any time I've been sitting down, my body has tried to just doze off.
The pain was radiating and difficult to manage, but I did okay.
Until yesterday morning.
I woke up to the kind of shocking, horrific, disabling pain that would knock most people off their feet. But I've had Fibro for 5 years and have figured out, for the most part, how to usually still go about life as usual if it's not too bad. So I got up and tried to do a couple of things, while very quickly learning it was not to be. I could not even pretend to push myself this time.
I ended up spending my day going between recliner, couch, and bed, trying various angles and positions, only to find more pain & agony. The only position I could tolerate was sitting at a slight angle on the recliner in our living room.
It was a whole other level of pain that I haven't faced in a long time. Every move, every breath, everything comes at a price. With the desire to scream.
And sometimes, scream I did!
Laying down is horrendous. Ibuprofen didn't make a dent, neither did the Therma-care heat wrap. The heating pad helped some but not much.
When you're in this much pain, it can be easy to be tense, straining to move, agitated, frustrated, crying, and a bit of a mess. Which can often just make it worse.
Any plans I had this weekend went out the window as every move I make is excruciating. Just walking the few steps from the recliner to the bathroom or kitchen is about all I can take.
I don't know what triggered it for sure, but every morning I've been waking up in worse pain and it's just escalated as the week has progressed. I don't know for sure that it's our bed, but something about either the way I sleep or our bed isn't helping.
I'm trying hard not to be too overwhelmed by life today, as I try to recover and still fight the awful pain. It was a difficult night as I tossed and turned, challenged to find any comfortable position. But thankfully, the heating pad and rest today have been helping at least a little bit. I was able to muster up just enough energy for a shower, but that took everything out of me and I've barely moved since!
I'm so thankful for Tim and his stepping up to make meals, do laundry and dishes, and staying with me to take care of me, even though that meant he'd miss church this morning too. Love that man like crazy!!!
In the midst of this, God is quietly speaking reminders into me and I am thankful for his nearness. For his presence in my suffering. For my ability to be still and quiet for a couple of days as he uses this to break me, and someday pick me back up and put me back to full health.
I stop and give him praise, for if I'm not broken, I miss the opportunity for him to heal me or to use a miracle in my life to bring others to him.
For all that and more, I am incredibly grateful. And honored to serve him through my Fibromyalgia. To God be the glory!
I sometimes like to go about my life as if everything is fine. I enjoy my life and soak up every ounce of it I possibly can.
I pretend as if I really am normal. As if I don't deal with a host of pain, fatigue, and other symptoms.
Then... this week happened.
The fatigue was awful at times, crushing at others. Hitting me out of nowhere, making me feel like I was going to fall over. The past few days, I've fought to struggle past falling asleep at every turn. Any time I've been sitting down, my body has tried to just doze off.
The pain was radiating and difficult to manage, but I did okay.
Until yesterday morning.
I woke up to the kind of shocking, horrific, disabling pain that would knock most people off their feet. But I've had Fibro for 5 years and have figured out, for the most part, how to usually still go about life as usual if it's not too bad. So I got up and tried to do a couple of things, while very quickly learning it was not to be. I could not even pretend to push myself this time.
I ended up spending my day going between recliner, couch, and bed, trying various angles and positions, only to find more pain & agony. The only position I could tolerate was sitting at a slight angle on the recliner in our living room.
It was a whole other level of pain that I haven't faced in a long time. Every move, every breath, everything comes at a price. With the desire to scream.
And sometimes, scream I did!
Laying down is horrendous. Ibuprofen didn't make a dent, neither did the Therma-care heat wrap. The heating pad helped some but not much.
When you're in this much pain, it can be easy to be tense, straining to move, agitated, frustrated, crying, and a bit of a mess. Which can often just make it worse.
Any plans I had this weekend went out the window as every move I make is excruciating. Just walking the few steps from the recliner to the bathroom or kitchen is about all I can take.
I don't know what triggered it for sure, but every morning I've been waking up in worse pain and it's just escalated as the week has progressed. I don't know for sure that it's our bed, but something about either the way I sleep or our bed isn't helping.
I'm trying hard not to be too overwhelmed by life today, as I try to recover and still fight the awful pain. It was a difficult night as I tossed and turned, challenged to find any comfortable position. But thankfully, the heating pad and rest today have been helping at least a little bit. I was able to muster up just enough energy for a shower, but that took everything out of me and I've barely moved since!
I'm so thankful for Tim and his stepping up to make meals, do laundry and dishes, and staying with me to take care of me, even though that meant he'd miss church this morning too. Love that man like crazy!!!
In the midst of this, God is quietly speaking reminders into me and I am thankful for his nearness. For his presence in my suffering. For my ability to be still and quiet for a couple of days as he uses this to break me, and someday pick me back up and put me back to full health.
I stop and give him praise, for if I'm not broken, I miss the opportunity for him to heal me or to use a miracle in my life to bring others to him.
For all that and more, I am incredibly grateful. And honored to serve him through my Fibromyalgia. To God be the glory!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Fibromyalgia & Medication
I'm really frustrated & overwhelmed by the lack of good medication out there for Fibromyalgia.
I've been on Elavil {also known as Amitriptyline} so far for the entirety of my 5 plus years will this illness. My original doctor prescribed it to me in a low-dose since in the lower dosage, anti-depressant medication has proven to be effective with relieving pain and helping with sleep.
I'd increased from 5 mg to 10 mg a little over time, and then the next dose up was 25 mg but we cut it in half initially. Eventually I went up to 25 mg but it made me a little drowsier than I liked. {I'm pretty sensitive to drowsiness side effects...and medications in general.} I fought through that for a bit and found it seemed to help.
For at least a year or so I went on like that, but then started to second-guess its effectiveness. I wasn't convinced it was working at all. So I thought I'd try going off of it and just working on lifestyle changes instead.
That failed.
I couldn't sleep at all without that medication. Lack of sleep flares up the pain as well so I was absolutely miserable.
Then out came Lyrica and after a time on the market, my rheumatologist thought it best to put me on it. {This was combined with the Elavil.} I tried Lyrica for a short time and had an awful experience with it, in part because my drowsiness became soooo bad, I could hardly function. We decided to go back to just the Elavil. I left that rheumatologist and continued working with just my doctor instead.
Ever since then, I've continued with just using a half pill of the 25mg of Elavil. I sleep okay. My pain levels are relatively okay. That dosage doesn't make me drowsy anymore.
But I've been really frustrated by the side effects, and my increasing sensitivity to the sun is driving me absolutely bonkers.
Thursday morning I had my annual physical with my doctor. It was wonderful. I could rave forever about my amazing doctor and how thankful I am that she's a Christian... but I'll spare you. ;) Needless to say, we talked at length in June when I was there about medications, I did a lot of research, heard from others some good suggestions, did lots more research, and talked in even more length this visit with my doc about medication options.
The long and short of it is that I'm going to stay on Elavil. *sigh*
I've generally made my peace with it, except the sun sensitivity thing really bothers me. But the difficulty is that most of the Fibromyalgia specific meds out there are not good for pregnancy, if I were to get pregnant I'd need to immediately go back off of them. Since we're kinda trying to get pregnant [er, at least not preventing], changing at this time doesn't make a lot of sense. And some of the other meds that could be safe for pregnancy, I'm not really sure I'd want to do that anyway.
It's been determined that staying on this medication is the best thing for me. And the good outweighs the bad.
Another benefit of staying on Elavil is that it means I don't have to adjust any of my medications. Safe. Stable. Secure. No changes.
Ahhhh. Sometimes dealing with an illness like this we just need some things in our lives to remain stable. Stuff like medications, doctors, etc.
Despite my frustration with this current medication, adjusting to a new one also brings along other fears and concerns that I'm not sure I feel like dealing with right now. So alas, I play it safe and keep on keeping on.
For now.
I've been on Elavil {also known as Amitriptyline} so far for the entirety of my 5 plus years will this illness. My original doctor prescribed it to me in a low-dose since in the lower dosage, anti-depressant medication has proven to be effective with relieving pain and helping with sleep.
I'd increased from 5 mg to 10 mg a little over time, and then the next dose up was 25 mg but we cut it in half initially. Eventually I went up to 25 mg but it made me a little drowsier than I liked. {I'm pretty sensitive to drowsiness side effects...and medications in general.} I fought through that for a bit and found it seemed to help.
For at least a year or so I went on like that, but then started to second-guess its effectiveness. I wasn't convinced it was working at all. So I thought I'd try going off of it and just working on lifestyle changes instead.
That failed.
I couldn't sleep at all without that medication. Lack of sleep flares up the pain as well so I was absolutely miserable.
Then out came Lyrica and after a time on the market, my rheumatologist thought it best to put me on it. {This was combined with the Elavil.} I tried Lyrica for a short time and had an awful experience with it, in part because my drowsiness became soooo bad, I could hardly function. We decided to go back to just the Elavil. I left that rheumatologist and continued working with just my doctor instead.
Ever since then, I've continued with just using a half pill of the 25mg of Elavil. I sleep okay. My pain levels are relatively okay. That dosage doesn't make me drowsy anymore.
But I've been really frustrated by the side effects, and my increasing sensitivity to the sun is driving me absolutely bonkers.
Thursday morning I had my annual physical with my doctor. It was wonderful. I could rave forever about my amazing doctor and how thankful I am that she's a Christian... but I'll spare you. ;) Needless to say, we talked at length in June when I was there about medications, I did a lot of research, heard from others some good suggestions, did lots more research, and talked in even more length this visit with my doc about medication options.
The long and short of it is that I'm going to stay on Elavil. *sigh*
I've generally made my peace with it, except the sun sensitivity thing really bothers me. But the difficulty is that most of the Fibromyalgia specific meds out there are not good for pregnancy, if I were to get pregnant I'd need to immediately go back off of them. Since we're kinda trying to get pregnant [er, at least not preventing], changing at this time doesn't make a lot of sense. And some of the other meds that could be safe for pregnancy, I'm not really sure I'd want to do that anyway.
It's been determined that staying on this medication is the best thing for me. And the good outweighs the bad.
Another benefit of staying on Elavil is that it means I don't have to adjust any of my medications. Safe. Stable. Secure. No changes.
Ahhhh. Sometimes dealing with an illness like this we just need some things in our lives to remain stable. Stuff like medications, doctors, etc.
Despite my frustration with this current medication, adjusting to a new one also brings along other fears and concerns that I'm not sure I feel like dealing with right now. So alas, I play it safe and keep on keeping on.
For now.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Fibro, Life, Bleh...
Tonight I feel miserable.
Physically I feel rotten. Emotionally I'm going downhill.
I feel like a failure at work, I can't possibly do everything I need to be doing at once. I screwed something up today. I feel inept and incapable.
After whipping up some very quick grilled cheese sandwiches, chips, and applesauce for dinner tonight, I fell apart on the couch, exhausted, and hubster wasn't even home to share in the dinner.
Hubster was running an errand with my car and getting gas for it. Getting gas has been its big issue for weeks now. Every time we think we have it fixed, it turns out it isn't fixed. It stalled at the gas station upon Tim putting gas in it and he had to wait about 15 minutes or so before he could drive away. Thankful he did this, but it was a rough day and a weird night.
I had a great weekend with my dad, and we had a lot of really good, deep, connecting conversations. It was therapeutic and wonderful. But now my mom & stepdad are coming this weekend and while I'm looking forward to it, I have no idea where one iota of energy is going to come from.
I'm trying really hard to get back into a solid workout routine. But the initial push always makes me exhausted and in horrific pain. This is how I feel today. The elevator is broken at work so even in my down, most-painful moments I don't have a back-up for getting around.
For tonight, I just have a bad attitude and am sulking. It's just what it is. I'll get over it.
Physically I feel rotten. Emotionally I'm going downhill.
I feel like a failure at work, I can't possibly do everything I need to be doing at once. I screwed something up today. I feel inept and incapable.
After whipping up some very quick grilled cheese sandwiches, chips, and applesauce for dinner tonight, I fell apart on the couch, exhausted, and hubster wasn't even home to share in the dinner.
Hubster was running an errand with my car and getting gas for it. Getting gas has been its big issue for weeks now. Every time we think we have it fixed, it turns out it isn't fixed. It stalled at the gas station upon Tim putting gas in it and he had to wait about 15 minutes or so before he could drive away. Thankful he did this, but it was a rough day and a weird night.
I had a great weekend with my dad, and we had a lot of really good, deep, connecting conversations. It was therapeutic and wonderful. But now my mom & stepdad are coming this weekend and while I'm looking forward to it, I have no idea where one iota of energy is going to come from.
I'm trying really hard to get back into a solid workout routine. But the initial push always makes me exhausted and in horrific pain. This is how I feel today. The elevator is broken at work so even in my down, most-painful moments I don't have a back-up for getting around.
For tonight, I just have a bad attitude and am sulking. It's just what it is. I'll get over it.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
What My Life Is Like with Illness
Fibromyalgia is invisible, so most people obviously don't always remember that I even have it.
I in no way blame them for that. But I do admit to getting grumpy {yes, I get grumpy!!} when family forgets, specifically my husband and my father.
I have more sympathy when other people tell me they're in pain than I used to, but when it's someone I'm close to I honestly struggle with it. I feel an innate need to speak up and remind them what I'm going through and how much daily, all over pain I have every moment. Every day. It never goes away. It flares up and settles down, but no matter what it is always, always there.
So... it really bothers me when Tim or my dad forgets {or at least they're forgetting from what I can tell}. I've always had this thing in me that made me feel like I needed to prove myself to the men in my life. That if I didn't, they'd leave and get sick of me.
Behind every fake smile, behind every genuine smile... no matter what I'm feeling like that day, I never have a 100% pain free day. Every single part of me hurts constantly.
I know that's a hard concept to grasp. Sometimes it still baffles me.
But what I love is that it never baffles or surprises God. He knows. He understands. And that still, small voice of his that speaks into me when I'm quiet enough to listen... He always gently reminds me that He knows and is carrying me through this time.
That doesn't make it automatically easier, but it settles my hurt and anger. It settles my frustration when I'm ready to lash out and tell people to stop complaining about their pain. If they only knew what I was going through.
And if I only knew what other people with worse pain were going through.
Ouch. Whenever God speaks that into me, I'm reminded to not be so quick to speak. After all, I have no true idea of what's going on in someone else's body. The reality is, I'm just speaking up because I'm being selfish. I'm being blind to the needs of others and only caring that I make sure they understand me.
I find this really {really, really} hard when it comes to my marriage. I know Tim has had to wrestle with a lot as a result of my Fibromyalgia too. I know that neither of us are the same person we were when we got married. I know that we both have days where we are ready to throw in the towel. I know that he's got a good heart and that he loves me, but sometimes, in my most sinful moments... I actually feel myself refusing to draw close to him as a defense mechanism.
Because why would anyone want to persevere with me in this life-long journey with Fibromyalgia? I don't want it, why would he? He didn't choose this.
We are learning what "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" really means.
We know that with God, all things are possible. We know that if God is for us, who can be against us? We know that He will give us the strength and ability to get through this.
But in our dark days, when the Fibro is too much for me to even get up out of bed... we have our moments. When the Fibro has me glued to the couch while he's stuck doing all the housework... I feel more guilty than I ever thought possible. And there's nothing I can do about it.
It's awful. It's demeaning.
And yet, I know that in the end, God will redeem this too. He'll redeem every battle we fought in our marriage. He'll redeem my Fibromyalgia so that the world will see that He is God... for His glory & His name's sake.
He has poured out His grace on us, and I am unceasingly baffled as to why Tim is still even standing next to me. God's grace is sufficient for the least of these. And right now, I for sure feel like the least of these.
For other Chronic Illness Awareness Week topics, visit this website, go to their Facebook page, or visit Bloggers Unite for Chronic Illness Awareness.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Fibromyalgia & Being Overweight
I had a conversation today with a friend about being overweight and how that affects my Fibromyalgia.
I have no real answers for them, but I have done some research and while it could play a role in it, it's not the root cause, nor is it as easy to fix as one might think.
While riding the Fibromyalgia roller coaster, I have seen, heard, and felt more things than you could ever imagine. Later this month I hit my 5 years to the date since I started feeling the symptoms of Fibro. This is going to be a month of deep reflection, prayer, looking inside myself, researching more about Fibro yet again, and digging deep into God's Word.
This is not an easy road. It's invisible, people forget my daily struggle with it, and it's mind-numbingly painful. No sugar-coating here, it's a tough battle to fight. And I cannot imagine doing it without God on my side. I just would not have the strength, motivation, energy, or determination to get through each day without my Savior to cling tightly onto.
Fibromyalgia affects every race, sex, size, age, and personality. It is an equal opportunity illness. It doesn't care, it just hits whoever it wants to. {In my opinion, as God allows and ordains it.} We have no choice in the matter, it finds us and changes our lives forever.
It's maddening to hear people blame my being overweight as the cause for the Fibro. In my sinfulness, I must admit I retreat back to my love for kickboxing and have to refrain from a slight desire to punch them when they say that.
In all seriousness, I know being overweight is a problem. I'm 33... I'm not stupid. I get that it's an issue. Trust me, I fight it every. stinking. day. And pretty soon, I'll share with you just what an impact it's had on my life.
Maybe then those people will be silenced. Maybe then they won't be so quick to judge and dismiss me. I have a lot to contribute to this world, and I'm not at all shy. I'll get in your face and say it proudly.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Fibromyalgia & Heat
Heat index has been over 100 the past couple of days, with temps in the mid to upper 90's.
Chicago's high yesterday was 101.
This is quite abnormal for Chicago. We've had several really hot days in a row, so it's just been oppressive and overbearing.
Wow, my body sooooo cannot handle this! It's frustrating, discouraging, and maddening. I could hardly move or function at all yesterday. It was supposed to be a work from home day. I had several projects that really needed my full focus and attention, plus I was trying to avoid another nasty hot day out and about.
It ended up being a sick day because I could barely get out of bed or off the couch. The pain levels were beyond intolerable, and my dizziness/weakness was through the roof. Walking just a few feet around the house was almost more than I could bear without feeling like I might black out or fall over. It was a really rough, really long day full of agony and extreme pain.
Lots of tears were shed, cries out for mercy, and aching for better things. Normal things.
I'm so grateful that Jesus hears us and loves us through our sorrow. That he wipes away those tears and feels our pain because he loves us so.
Thankfully this morning I woke up feeling a bit better, definitely not near my new normal, but still... better. You take what you can get with this illness! Strong storms overnight made sleep really difficult. I awoke in a fuzz this morning and needed a little extra time. I started working from home, and then waited for some more storms to roll through. Then the power was out at work {again} so I plugged away working from home, then went to lunch with a friend, checked in on the house of friends who are traveling, worked some more from home, and watched a chick flick. By the time I was leaving lunch with my friend, I was feeling back to my usual self. Today I'm just extremely thankful for today's temperatures! The heat in the morning was lessened by the storms and even though it got fairly hot again later, it's not quite as sweltering, and I'm inside! :)
Every person with Fibromyalgia handles things differently, so it's not like we can make a generalization that the heat is horrific for all of us. That's just not the way it works with Fibro. Some people do better with the sweltering heat, but the cold is really hard on them. Some people do better with the extreme cold rather than the sweltering heat. I find myself stuck in-between. I have a really, really hard time in the extreme temperature swings--the very hot and the very cold. I do tend to do worse in the extreme heat though. So of course, Spring & Fall are my favorite seasons.
I'm so thankful that I have my energy back, and that I feel a bit more like myself than I have all week. Phew!!
For a cool picture of the storms rolling into Chicago this morning, check this out.
Chicago's high yesterday was 101.
This is quite abnormal for Chicago. We've had several really hot days in a row, so it's just been oppressive and overbearing.
Wow, my body sooooo cannot handle this! It's frustrating, discouraging, and maddening. I could hardly move or function at all yesterday. It was supposed to be a work from home day. I had several projects that really needed my full focus and attention, plus I was trying to avoid another nasty hot day out and about.
It ended up being a sick day because I could barely get out of bed or off the couch. The pain levels were beyond intolerable, and my dizziness/weakness was through the roof. Walking just a few feet around the house was almost more than I could bear without feeling like I might black out or fall over. It was a really rough, really long day full of agony and extreme pain.
Lots of tears were shed, cries out for mercy, and aching for better things. Normal things.
I'm so grateful that Jesus hears us and loves us through our sorrow. That he wipes away those tears and feels our pain because he loves us so.
Thankfully this morning I woke up feeling a bit better, definitely not near my new normal, but still... better. You take what you can get with this illness! Strong storms overnight made sleep really difficult. I awoke in a fuzz this morning and needed a little extra time. I started working from home, and then waited for some more storms to roll through. Then the power was out at work {again} so I plugged away working from home, then went to lunch with a friend, checked in on the house of friends who are traveling, worked some more from home, and watched a chick flick. By the time I was leaving lunch with my friend, I was feeling back to my usual self. Today I'm just extremely thankful for today's temperatures! The heat in the morning was lessened by the storms and even though it got fairly hot again later, it's not quite as sweltering, and I'm inside! :)
Every person with Fibromyalgia handles things differently, so it's not like we can make a generalization that the heat is horrific for all of us. That's just not the way it works with Fibro. Some people do better with the sweltering heat, but the cold is really hard on them. Some people do better with the extreme cold rather than the sweltering heat. I find myself stuck in-between. I have a really, really hard time in the extreme temperature swings--the very hot and the very cold. I do tend to do worse in the extreme heat though. So of course, Spring & Fall are my favorite seasons.
I'm so thankful that I have my energy back, and that I feel a bit more like myself than I have all week. Phew!!
For a cool picture of the storms rolling into Chicago this morning, check this out.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Doctor Visit
I've been procrastinating for weeks about going in to see my doctor about a whole host of issues I've been having. So finally I called in last Monday, and they'd had a cancellation and could get me in at 9 am last Tuesday.
I was so freaked out about my list of stuff to talk to her about, that I had to take my anti-anxiety pill. But I don't know why I ever stress or get anxious about going to the doctor, because my doc is fabulous!
She helped talk me through so many things, and I am so thankful! I had some testing done and surprisingly I got the results back the very next morning! It's a huge relief to know that everything is normal. My glucose, cholesterol, thyroid, liver & kidney functions, blood cell counts, etc, are all in the normal range. However, that does mean I have some other things to work on and do as a result. I can't just chalk anything up to insulin or thyroid issues like we were beginning to wonder if I'd developed. Now the hard work begins.
It was a very helpful visit for all the concerns/issues I had. I think one problem I have is that with the Fibromyalgia, it seems like I'm always waiting for the next ball to drop. Like I know something else will hit me eventually, because that tends to happen with most Fibro patients. Hopefully nothing else will hit, but we'll see! For now, I'm just glad all is well!!
I was so freaked out about my list of stuff to talk to her about, that I had to take my anti-anxiety pill. But I don't know why I ever stress or get anxious about going to the doctor, because my doc is fabulous!
She helped talk me through so many things, and I am so thankful! I had some testing done and surprisingly I got the results back the very next morning! It's a huge relief to know that everything is normal. My glucose, cholesterol, thyroid, liver & kidney functions, blood cell counts, etc, are all in the normal range. However, that does mean I have some other things to work on and do as a result. I can't just chalk anything up to insulin or thyroid issues like we were beginning to wonder if I'd developed. Now the hard work begins.
It was a very helpful visit for all the concerns/issues I had. I think one problem I have is that with the Fibromyalgia, it seems like I'm always waiting for the next ball to drop. Like I know something else will hit me eventually, because that tends to happen with most Fibro patients. Hopefully nothing else will hit, but we'll see! For now, I'm just glad all is well!!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Fibromyalgia's Toll
I realize my posts have been overtaken by photos a lot lately. I have been trying to live my life to the fullest, and sharing with you what's going on in my life, while pretending as if Fibro is not getting the best of me.
It all came to a head on Monday night. Tim was teasing me about losing my grip on something {like the phone, the remote, my car keys, a plastic cup, etc} for the umpteenth time in recent evenings, and I lost it {meaning I started bawling}. I know he was kidding, but you know when you're just having one of those days where it's building up and out of nowhere the toll of it just gets to you and you can't hold the emotions back anymore?
This was one of those times. I felt badly for Tim, it totally wasn't his fault, so I hid myself away in our bedroom for a time while trying to keep it together. Then I spent about 20 minutes or so standing in our driveway {it was such a gorgeous evening!}, staring up at the moon and stars, talking to God and crying out to him. I confessed to God that I just really didn't want this anymore.
I read some of my favorite comforting/God's promises Scripture passages, and then I watched clips of the most inspiring, faith-filled movie I've ever seen: Facing the Giants. Every time I need a good, solid, visual reminder of what God can do in people's lives outside of Scripture, I pop this movie in. For example, the lead character, Grant Taylor, is struggling as an insurmountable bunch of odds add up in his life to more than he can handle. He goes out into a field near his house with Bible in hand, reads some Scripture out loud, and then cries out to God:
“Lord Jesus, would you help me? I need you. Lord, I feel like there are giants of fear and failure just staring down at me, waiting to crush me. And I don’t know how to beat them Lord. I’m tired of being afraid. Lord, if you want me to do something else, show me. If you don’t want me to have children, so be it. But you’re my God. You’re on the throne! You can have my hopes and my dreams. Lord, give me something. Show me something.”
Right now, I hate this battle I'm fighting.
Most days, I really am thankful for it. The good days are still around more often than the bad days lately, despite my slippage in exercising regularly. When it's a good day, I don't know what to say about it. I'm unsure of how to get on my blog and say specifics like "it's a good day despite the Fibro". But that's about all there is to say about that. I'm not sure where else to take it. So instead, I share pictures, stories, etc, about my daily life that gives you a peek into my good days.
But right now, this week, I'm just not okay with it all. I hate it. I want it to go away.
That's the truth, it's my reality, it's my fault for letting myself get this way, I'm trying to act normal, in fact I'm fighting to act normal and keep my relationships as normal as possible, but it's really, really, really hard.
The weariness of it all has hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of always putting on a happy face, and going home, hiding in a corner, and sobbing. I want my life to feel normal, that's why I sometimes pretend, because if gives me some resemblance {no matter how small} of normalcy.
I hate that I lose my grip on things so easily. My hands don't work the way they used to. Whether it's large or small, sometimes I really have to focus all my energy on it so that it doesn't just slide out of my hand. I hate that I'm excited about life events that are coming, but when it gets down to the wire, I'm too exhausted and in too much pain to care anymore.
The fatigue this week has hit me like the biggest mountain to climb, and I just can't.
But the key is, I can't in my own strength. (Phil. 4:13) I have to fully rely on & depend on God to give me the strength. When I try to do it on my own, I fail miserably. I get frustrated and want to give up. But when I'm depending on him, ohhh how much more I can do. Not necessarily physically, but emotionally and spiritually. I'm well because he's with me. I'm making a difference because he's helping me. I'm just simply taking another breath because he's allowed it to be so.
Even in these fleeting moments of frustration, fear, and failure, ultimately I know that the strength of God is at my side. I don't have to do this alone. I shouldn't do this alone. He is with me.
I keep reflecting on something Beth Moore said in our last Bible study in the Daniel series last week. "It is brokenness that ushers us into the breakthrough." Wow - that's it right there.
At the end of the day, I truly do believe that I've learned more with Fibromyalgia than without it. I truly do believe that God has used it to mold & shape my character.
And I am thankful. Maybe not every second of every day, but my thankfulness is growing as I grow in Christ. That's what's important.
More important than being able to grip the stinkin' remote control.
It all came to a head on Monday night. Tim was teasing me about losing my grip on something {like the phone, the remote, my car keys, a plastic cup, etc} for the umpteenth time in recent evenings, and I lost it {meaning I started bawling}. I know he was kidding, but you know when you're just having one of those days where it's building up and out of nowhere the toll of it just gets to you and you can't hold the emotions back anymore?
This was one of those times. I felt badly for Tim, it totally wasn't his fault, so I hid myself away in our bedroom for a time while trying to keep it together. Then I spent about 20 minutes or so standing in our driveway {it was such a gorgeous evening!}, staring up at the moon and stars, talking to God and crying out to him. I confessed to God that I just really didn't want this anymore.
I read some of my favorite comforting/God's promises Scripture passages, and then I watched clips of the most inspiring, faith-filled movie I've ever seen: Facing the Giants. Every time I need a good, solid, visual reminder of what God can do in people's lives outside of Scripture, I pop this movie in. For example, the lead character, Grant Taylor, is struggling as an insurmountable bunch of odds add up in his life to more than he can handle. He goes out into a field near his house with Bible in hand, reads some Scripture out loud, and then cries out to God:
“Lord Jesus, would you help me? I need you. Lord, I feel like there are giants of fear and failure just staring down at me, waiting to crush me. And I don’t know how to beat them Lord. I’m tired of being afraid. Lord, if you want me to do something else, show me. If you don’t want me to have children, so be it. But you’re my God. You’re on the throne! You can have my hopes and my dreams. Lord, give me something. Show me something.”
That is so powerful to me! I played that scene over and over as a reminder of how you can cry out to the Lord like the Psalmist did, but doing so without doubting God.
For me, I am questioning why... why me, why this, why now. But also doing it with hope, knowing that he can turn all of that to gold (Job 23:10).
Right now, I hate this battle I'm fighting.
Most days, I really am thankful for it. The good days are still around more often than the bad days lately, despite my slippage in exercising regularly. When it's a good day, I don't know what to say about it. I'm unsure of how to get on my blog and say specifics like "it's a good day despite the Fibro". But that's about all there is to say about that. I'm not sure where else to take it. So instead, I share pictures, stories, etc, about my daily life that gives you a peek into my good days.
But right now, this week, I'm just not okay with it all. I hate it. I want it to go away.
That's the truth, it's my reality, it's my fault for letting myself get this way, I'm trying to act normal, in fact I'm fighting to act normal and keep my relationships as normal as possible, but it's really, really, really hard.
The weariness of it all has hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of always putting on a happy face, and going home, hiding in a corner, and sobbing. I want my life to feel normal, that's why I sometimes pretend, because if gives me some resemblance {no matter how small} of normalcy.
I hate that I lose my grip on things so easily. My hands don't work the way they used to. Whether it's large or small, sometimes I really have to focus all my energy on it so that it doesn't just slide out of my hand. I hate that I'm excited about life events that are coming, but when it gets down to the wire, I'm too exhausted and in too much pain to care anymore.
The fatigue this week has hit me like the biggest mountain to climb, and I just can't.
But the key is, I can't in my own strength. (Phil. 4:13) I have to fully rely on & depend on God to give me the strength. When I try to do it on my own, I fail miserably. I get frustrated and want to give up. But when I'm depending on him, ohhh how much more I can do. Not necessarily physically, but emotionally and spiritually. I'm well because he's with me. I'm making a difference because he's helping me. I'm just simply taking another breath because he's allowed it to be so.
Even in these fleeting moments of frustration, fear, and failure, ultimately I know that the strength of God is at my side. I don't have to do this alone. I shouldn't do this alone. He is with me.
I keep reflecting on something Beth Moore said in our last Bible study in the Daniel series last week. "It is brokenness that ushers us into the breakthrough." Wow - that's it right there.
At the end of the day, I truly do believe that I've learned more with Fibromyalgia than without it. I truly do believe that God has used it to mold & shape my character.
And I am thankful. Maybe not every second of every day, but my thankfulness is growing as I grow in Christ. That's what's important.
More important than being able to grip the stinkin' remote control.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Fibro Update
i want to post about the great weekend we had.
i want to share what's going on around here with you.
but i must be honest, i'm not doing well. chicagoland has hit 90 degree temps lately {today near 97}. i spent nearly 4 hours in and out of the sun Sat morning and as a result, was very sick for a couple hours afterward.
my body doesn't respond well to this heat spike. at all.
i ran one errand after work to Target to get a few things like bread. and i came home and collapsed on the bed and slept for an hour. {granted, it was insanely busy at work today too.}
i've just been laying around all evening, completely exhausted. i'm so thankful tim doesn't mind cereal for dinner on a hot, exhausted day like today!
things always ebb and flow with the Fibro, but right now I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep some more.
this too shall pass. but not until Thursday. *sigh*
i want to share what's going on around here with you.
but i must be honest, i'm not doing well. chicagoland has hit 90 degree temps lately {today near 97}. i spent nearly 4 hours in and out of the sun Sat morning and as a result, was very sick for a couple hours afterward.
my body doesn't respond well to this heat spike. at all.
i ran one errand after work to Target to get a few things like bread. and i came home and collapsed on the bed and slept for an hour. {granted, it was insanely busy at work today too.}
i've just been laying around all evening, completely exhausted. i'm so thankful tim doesn't mind cereal for dinner on a hot, exhausted day like today!
things always ebb and flow with the Fibro, but right now I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep some more.
this too shall pass. but not until Thursday. *sigh*
Saturday, April 23, 2011
How - with Fibromyalgia?
I've been asked by many how I do what I do with Fibromyalgia.
Especially after last weekend, running around like a chicken, helping to coordinate a wedding and overseeing a ton of details and people.
I'm not really sure how to respond to that. I think it's just like anyone else who has Fibro and works full-time. Has Fibro and kids. Has Fibro and travels for a living. Has Fibro and is always stressed out and on the go. Has cancer and presses on. Fights through multiple sclerosis.
Or any other list of rare, horrible, life-threatening, or disabling illnesses. How does anyone do it?
You often hear about people being a fighter or not letting go. I think there's something to be said for embracing life and refusing to let it get to us.
If I did what I felt like doing every day, I would never get out of bed. The pain is just more than I can bare in my human flesh. If I focused on the difficulties of life, I would sit around, depressed all day, locked up in my house, afraid to do anything for fear of hurting too badly, and would succumb to deep, dark depression.
Really...who wants that?! We already feel miserable every day, why allow ourselves to shirk away from everything and everyone every single day? That just makes us feel worse. It's a vicious cycle.
Each day I ask God for strength I do not possess. I cannot imagine just drowning in my sorrows and laying around each and every day.
But the sheer reality is that not every Fibro case is the same. Some people cannot leave their house. For some, it's so intense, they just literally don't know what else to do. In no way do I want to make those people feel worse or like somehow they aren't trying hard enough. That's simply not true.
I'm very thankful for what I do have and what God has allowed me to be able to do despite my illness. I'm not sure why it's varying degrees, but obviously God has a plan for each of us.
This is a big part of why you see me sharing so many details and pictures about my life. Because I want to embrace the life that God has given to me. After over two years of seeing my health decline rapidly, feeling the pain & fatigue increase, and watching myself slowly deplete to a near shell of a human being... I knew I had to try to do something.
I'm so grateful that it worked, because it doesn't for everyone with Fibro. The truth is, many live shattered lives, in darkness, depression, and feeling overwhelmed that this is all their lives have become. I really want to encourage those people to fight, to not give up hope, to keep searching.
But ultimately, the only true hope can be found in Jesus Christ. No matter what I think I can do on my own, the truth is I can do nothing without him. No matter who I think I am or should be, the truth is I am no one without him.
He is who makes me who I am and makes me capable of what I can do.
I honestly don't know how people do this without him. For me, he is everything.
Especially after last weekend, running around like a chicken, helping to coordinate a wedding and overseeing a ton of details and people.
I'm not really sure how to respond to that. I think it's just like anyone else who has Fibro and works full-time. Has Fibro and kids. Has Fibro and travels for a living. Has Fibro and is always stressed out and on the go. Has cancer and presses on. Fights through multiple sclerosis.
Or any other list of rare, horrible, life-threatening, or disabling illnesses. How does anyone do it?
You often hear about people being a fighter or not letting go. I think there's something to be said for embracing life and refusing to let it get to us.
If I did what I felt like doing every day, I would never get out of bed. The pain is just more than I can bare in my human flesh. If I focused on the difficulties of life, I would sit around, depressed all day, locked up in my house, afraid to do anything for fear of hurting too badly, and would succumb to deep, dark depression.
Really...who wants that?! We already feel miserable every day, why allow ourselves to shirk away from everything and everyone every single day? That just makes us feel worse. It's a vicious cycle.
Each day I ask God for strength I do not possess. I cannot imagine just drowning in my sorrows and laying around each and every day.
But the sheer reality is that not every Fibro case is the same. Some people cannot leave their house. For some, it's so intense, they just literally don't know what else to do. In no way do I want to make those people feel worse or like somehow they aren't trying hard enough. That's simply not true.
I'm very thankful for what I do have and what God has allowed me to be able to do despite my illness. I'm not sure why it's varying degrees, but obviously God has a plan for each of us.
This is a big part of why you see me sharing so many details and pictures about my life. Because I want to embrace the life that God has given to me. After over two years of seeing my health decline rapidly, feeling the pain & fatigue increase, and watching myself slowly deplete to a near shell of a human being... I knew I had to try to do something.
I'm so grateful that it worked, because it doesn't for everyone with Fibro. The truth is, many live shattered lives, in darkness, depression, and feeling overwhelmed that this is all their lives have become. I really want to encourage those people to fight, to not give up hope, to keep searching.
But ultimately, the only true hope can be found in Jesus Christ. No matter what I think I can do on my own, the truth is I can do nothing without him. No matter who I think I am or should be, the truth is I am no one without him.
He is who makes me who I am and makes me capable of what I can do.
I honestly don't know how people do this without him. For me, he is everything.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Roller Coasters of Fibromyalgia
The good days happen a lot more than they used to.
But I've found that I rarely just pop on here and say "I'm having a great day today!" When I'm having a really bad pain day, I sometimes tell you.
Then I get the responses like "whoa, you're having a lot of bad days" which simply isn't true. I actually have a lot more good days than most people realize. Compared to a lot of my Fibro friends, I'm very blessed to have more good days than bad days.
I don't want any of you to have a misperception of me. And it wasn't until this last time I posted about having a bad day that I realized I only post specifically about the bad days. You see the other stuff, my life photos and what not, my general joys and sorrows, but it just seems weird to get on here and say "today is a good day!"
I don't want it to seem like I'm complaining when I talk about the bad days. When I'm voicing my pain symptoms, it's my way of telling my story to others. But sharing about my good days, while positive, there's just not really a whole lot else to say. It'd be a really short, boring post.
Welcome to the roller coaster of my life.
So with all that... today was a good day. Not without it's pain & fatigue, but on the scale of my life, it was a very good day indeed.
And it included a super fun, delightful tea tasting over lunch with several of my good coworker friends. This place is really cool the way it's set up so that you can taste a variety of their teas before you buy. For someone who generally doesn't like tea, I was even able to find a couple I really liked and bought!! It's loose tea, which I've never had before, but it was really interesting. I'm looking forward to brewing my first batch. :)
But I've found that I rarely just pop on here and say "I'm having a great day today!" When I'm having a really bad pain day, I sometimes tell you.
Then I get the responses like "whoa, you're having a lot of bad days" which simply isn't true. I actually have a lot more good days than most people realize. Compared to a lot of my Fibro friends, I'm very blessed to have more good days than bad days.
I don't want any of you to have a misperception of me. And it wasn't until this last time I posted about having a bad day that I realized I only post specifically about the bad days. You see the other stuff, my life photos and what not, my general joys and sorrows, but it just seems weird to get on here and say "today is a good day!"
I don't want it to seem like I'm complaining when I talk about the bad days. When I'm voicing my pain symptoms, it's my way of telling my story to others. But sharing about my good days, while positive, there's just not really a whole lot else to say. It'd be a really short, boring post.
Welcome to the roller coaster of my life.
So with all that... today was a good day. Not without it's pain & fatigue, but on the scale of my life, it was a very good day indeed.
And it included a super fun, delightful tea tasting over lunch with several of my good coworker friends. This place is really cool the way it's set up so that you can taste a variety of their teas before you buy. For someone who generally doesn't like tea, I was even able to find a couple I really liked and bought!! It's loose tea, which I've never had before, but it was really interesting. I'm looking forward to brewing my first batch. :)
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