It's hard to believe that 5 years ago today, it all started.
I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was sitting in my office at work, doing my usual thing, when suddenly I felt shooting, tingling pain up and down my left arm. I remember freaking out, because of course, it was my left arm. I was only 28, but being that I wasn't in the best shape, I was obviously freaked out about my heart.
I ran over to my coworker Joe to ask him what he thought. As we talked, he thought more and more like it could just be a pinched nerve [not that Joe is a doctor, not that we knew for sure, but the only symptom I had was the tingling in my arm...]. He immediately recommended to me a chiropractor friend of his. I'd never been to a chiropractor before, so I was uncertain, but I was also scared about what was going on. I called them and they were able to get me in right away.
I was there for 2 hours. He wasn't certain either, but the final analysis was that he thought it was a pinched nerve too. After working on me for a bit, I definitely felt a lot better!!! I was amazed. We set another appointment and I kept going back to him for months.
In the course of all of this, my symptoms started to get worse. I developed a laundry list of weird stuff going on with my body. I literally thought I was falling apart. I spent lots of time with the doctor, chiropractor, gastroenterologist, etc etc.
I remember sitting in the library one day, skimming through a book on chronic illness, and realizing that I was reading my story. I started crying right then and there, with a mixed feeling of relief & fear crippling me. The story was about a woman with Fibromyalgia. Just a few pages of her symptoms and her life change... and I knew that was me.
5 years ago today, my life changed radically. I will never be the same, and I'm incredibly grateful for all that God has taught me along the way!
Please go to the "My Fibro Story" page to read more of my story.
Showing posts with label My Fibro Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Fibro Story. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Five Years Ago - The Car Accident
Five years ago last Thursday, December 9th, I was rear-ended on my way to the eye doctor's office after work. And my life was forever radically altered.
Read the story about how we think my Fibromyalgia symptoms began here.
Read the story about how we think my Fibromyalgia symptoms began here.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Fibromyalgia, Working Full-Time, and Having a Life
I have Fibromyalgia.
I work 40+ hours a week at a job I love.
I commute 1 1/2 hours each day.
I workout 2-3 times a week at the gym. Sometimes I'm at the gym for 1 1/2-2 hours.
I'm in a very intense Bible study.
I babysit somewhat regularly.
I have friends I hang out with regularly over lunch or after work or on the weekends.
I serve at my church at least twice a month which involves setting up a ministry counter, counting inventory, counting money, answering questions, interacting with lots of different people, etc.
I have a husband, a home, and family who are dear to me.
.......
I've been asked how I do it. I don't.
Even looking at that list myself has me going... "Wait a second, how do I fit all that in without a severe flare-up?"
God does it. It's not anything I could attempt to do on my own.
Prior to August 2009, I could barely function. I was at a point where I was really scared. I wasn't sure my job was realistic for me anymore, but I hated the idea of leaving it. I was torn. I didn't know what to do. Much outside of work and the commute would have me in a flare-up. I'd hit physical rock bottom.
That's when I walked into my gym. My now beloved-can't-imagine-life-without-it gym. Despite the pain initially, regular workouts turned to be the best thing for me.
And work changed. Something I'd been in charge of for four years {that I really wasn't even all that good at, and had been a temporary thing} was finally handed over to a new hire. A HUGE relief.
Both of those things happened that month. It was another significant life change for me. I felt alive again.
I've had a lot of people close to me remind me of how I was several years ago. It's like I'm a different person. I have energy and my smile back. One of my best friends recently told me several things about how I was, and I honestly hadn't even realized I'd gotten that bad.
The biggest change is hope. I have hope again. I wasn't fully relying on the strength of my Savior. I was depressed. I was focusing on all of the negatives. Focusing on Christ, focusing on the positives, and pouring myself into things that can help me is all it took to turn things around.
Really, it's not that hard to change. We just think it is when we're in the thick of it so much that we can't see our hand in front of our face. If that's you right now, don't worry, this too shall pass. You will get there. If I can do it {with God}, so can you.
Now working is not really a problem. I still have occasional days where the pain is too intense to work, but they are very rare now. I'm so incredibly thankful.
I've read other blogs and health websites, and it seems to me the majority of those with Fibro can't work full-time. Others work full-time, but that's literally all they can do.
We are all different, we all have our own stories. I'm not sure why I'm able to do the things I am, but I'm really thankful for it. I was really getting tired of sitting on the sidelines.
Now I'm able to really live again.
I work 40+ hours a week at a job I love.
I commute 1 1/2 hours each day.
I workout 2-3 times a week at the gym. Sometimes I'm at the gym for 1 1/2-2 hours.
I'm in a very intense Bible study.
I babysit somewhat regularly.
I have friends I hang out with regularly over lunch or after work or on the weekends.
I serve at my church at least twice a month which involves setting up a ministry counter, counting inventory, counting money, answering questions, interacting with lots of different people, etc.
I have a husband, a home, and family who are dear to me.
.......
I've been asked how I do it. I don't.
Even looking at that list myself has me going... "Wait a second, how do I fit all that in without a severe flare-up?"
God does it. It's not anything I could attempt to do on my own.
Prior to August 2009, I could barely function. I was at a point where I was really scared. I wasn't sure my job was realistic for me anymore, but I hated the idea of leaving it. I was torn. I didn't know what to do. Much outside of work and the commute would have me in a flare-up. I'd hit physical rock bottom.
That's when I walked into my gym. My now beloved-can't-imagine-life-without-it gym. Despite the pain initially, regular workouts turned to be the best thing for me.
And work changed. Something I'd been in charge of for four years {that I really wasn't even all that good at, and had been a temporary thing} was finally handed over to a new hire. A HUGE relief.
Both of those things happened that month. It was another significant life change for me. I felt alive again.
I've had a lot of people close to me remind me of how I was several years ago. It's like I'm a different person. I have energy and my smile back. One of my best friends recently told me several things about how I was, and I honestly hadn't even realized I'd gotten that bad.
The biggest change is hope. I have hope again. I wasn't fully relying on the strength of my Savior. I was depressed. I was focusing on all of the negatives. Focusing on Christ, focusing on the positives, and pouring myself into things that can help me is all it took to turn things around.
Really, it's not that hard to change. We just think it is when we're in the thick of it so much that we can't see our hand in front of our face. If that's you right now, don't worry, this too shall pass. You will get there. If I can do it {with God}, so can you.
Now working is not really a problem. I still have occasional days where the pain is too intense to work, but they are very rare now. I'm so incredibly thankful.
I've read other blogs and health websites, and it seems to me the majority of those with Fibro can't work full-time. Others work full-time, but that's literally all they can do.
We are all different, we all have our own stories. I'm not sure why I'm able to do the things I am, but I'm really thankful for it. I was really getting tired of sitting on the sidelines.
Now I'm able to really live again.
Monday, June 21, 2010
A Spouse's View of Fibromyalgia - Part 4 of Our 10 Yr Anniv Series
Continued from yesterday...
All this leads up to where we’re currently at, which is dealing with fibromyalgia…by exercising. It sounds like a strange concept: use your muscles so your muscles and nerves don’t freak out all the time? You might even think that the exercising may actually increase the fibro pain. So far, the results (from what I gather from Rochelle) is that fibro flares become less frequent when she exercises often. Once she stops exercising for a week or two, the fibro kicks in again and it becomes tough to live with again.
Knowing all this, how has fibromyalgia changed my life? It’s…complicated. On the one hand, I feel as though I’ve had to love my wife more by taking care of her when she’s in so much pain she can’t move, especially when guests are arriving in a few days and the house is a mess. Fortunately, my parents raised me to take on chores at an early age…so chores aren’t a big deal. Doing the overwhelming majority of the chores is a different subject. The load was squarely on my shoulders. After Rochelle would apologize for her not being able to help out as much, I’d just say that when I was older, our roles would reverse.
Doing things is what comes naturally to me…and that might be a generalization of most men. We hear that something is wrong (a light bulb is out, the pilot light is out on the water heater, a spider jumped out at someone, etc) we want to fix it. The same is true when our wives have a problem: our natural tendency is to want to fix it. “Forget the explanation of how/why something happened…how can I fix it?” Imagine my world…hearing/seeing my wife in pain and not be able to fix her. Sure I can make her more comfortable…get a heating pad, do the chores for her, make breakfast/lunch/dinner, make her some cocoa, turn up/down the temperature, etc…but these won’t fix her. It’s a battle that continues to this day…one I’m not sure will ever completely end. But this is the lot that has been given to us. We try to make the best of it, but it’s a day-by-day, hour-by-hour struggle.
I've sometimes felt that I'm experiencing 'sympathy pains', even though that's a term that's typically talked about when someone is pregnant. However, that idea gets shot down. I sometimes battle with the notion of telling Rochelle of the pain that I have, because it can be seen as a comparison to her fibro pain. This comparison often causes friction between us, so I internally debate it before speaking. My biggest concern is that the pain I'm feeling could escalate into something more severe that I couldn't verbally tell Rochelle or any EMTs (if it got to that point) what's wrong with me.
I’m reminded of the Spoon theory that Rochelle blogged about a while back. It’s a very accurate description of what fibro does to someone. Sometimes, she wakes up in the morning and has 20 spoons…other times it’s only 1. We have noticed that adrenaline can delay the fibro pain (somehow adding spoons to her day), but once the adrenaline kicks off, the pain comes back (usually with a vengeance). Unfortunately, there are days that Rochelle will use her spoons on other activities (work, friends, family) and I get the leftovers, if there’s anything left at all. It’s tough to not feel jealous.
I’ve tossed around the idea that Rochelle should join a support group of some type. This idea hasn’t gone over very well, but I do think that her blog has been very therapeutic for her…to express what she’s feeling & to receive encouragement from others. To a certain extent, I think that spouses of someone with fibromyalgia should have their own support group. Why? Because the spouse is typically the one that gives support (emotional or physical) & encouragement to the one with fibro. I've found it hard to give encouragement, knowing that no matter how much Rochelle can endure the pain...it will more than likely never go away. At least when you're encouraging someone through weight loss, you can typically see results...not so much with fibro. How does one encourage someone to not give up, knowing full well that they will never succeed?
So the question that must be on everyone's mind is this: Would I have still married Rochelle had I known that Rochelle would get fibromyalgia? The answer is Yes. Obviously, there was no way of knowing that Rochelle would get fibromyalgia when we were courting or when we got married. Although the ideal situation is to not have this disabling situation, we've come to grips that this is our trial. We have been chosen to live with and deal with the pain that fibro causes so that others may see God glorified. He's the one that gives us our daily strength to press on. And press on we will...until He takes it away or until He comes back again.
All this leads up to where we’re currently at, which is dealing with fibromyalgia…by exercising. It sounds like a strange concept: use your muscles so your muscles and nerves don’t freak out all the time? You might even think that the exercising may actually increase the fibro pain. So far, the results (from what I gather from Rochelle) is that fibro flares become less frequent when she exercises often. Once she stops exercising for a week or two, the fibro kicks in again and it becomes tough to live with again.
Knowing all this, how has fibromyalgia changed my life? It’s…complicated. On the one hand, I feel as though I’ve had to love my wife more by taking care of her when she’s in so much pain she can’t move, especially when guests are arriving in a few days and the house is a mess. Fortunately, my parents raised me to take on chores at an early age…so chores aren’t a big deal. Doing the overwhelming majority of the chores is a different subject. The load was squarely on my shoulders. After Rochelle would apologize for her not being able to help out as much, I’d just say that when I was older, our roles would reverse.
Doing things is what comes naturally to me…and that might be a generalization of most men. We hear that something is wrong (a light bulb is out, the pilot light is out on the water heater, a spider jumped out at someone, etc) we want to fix it. The same is true when our wives have a problem: our natural tendency is to want to fix it. “Forget the explanation of how/why something happened…how can I fix it?” Imagine my world…hearing/seeing my wife in pain and not be able to fix her. Sure I can make her more comfortable…get a heating pad, do the chores for her, make breakfast/lunch/dinner, make her some cocoa, turn up/down the temperature, etc…but these won’t fix her. It’s a battle that continues to this day…one I’m not sure will ever completely end. But this is the lot that has been given to us. We try to make the best of it, but it’s a day-by-day, hour-by-hour struggle.
I've sometimes felt that I'm experiencing 'sympathy pains', even though that's a term that's typically talked about when someone is pregnant. However, that idea gets shot down. I sometimes battle with the notion of telling Rochelle of the pain that I have, because it can be seen as a comparison to her fibro pain. This comparison often causes friction between us, so I internally debate it before speaking. My biggest concern is that the pain I'm feeling could escalate into something more severe that I couldn't verbally tell Rochelle or any EMTs (if it got to that point) what's wrong with me.
I’m reminded of the Spoon theory that Rochelle blogged about a while back. It’s a very accurate description of what fibro does to someone. Sometimes, she wakes up in the morning and has 20 spoons…other times it’s only 1. We have noticed that adrenaline can delay the fibro pain (somehow adding spoons to her day), but once the adrenaline kicks off, the pain comes back (usually with a vengeance). Unfortunately, there are days that Rochelle will use her spoons on other activities (work, friends, family) and I get the leftovers, if there’s anything left at all. It’s tough to not feel jealous.
I’ve tossed around the idea that Rochelle should join a support group of some type. This idea hasn’t gone over very well, but I do think that her blog has been very therapeutic for her…to express what she’s feeling & to receive encouragement from others. To a certain extent, I think that spouses of someone with fibromyalgia should have their own support group. Why? Because the spouse is typically the one that gives support (emotional or physical) & encouragement to the one with fibro. I've found it hard to give encouragement, knowing that no matter how much Rochelle can endure the pain...it will more than likely never go away. At least when you're encouraging someone through weight loss, you can typically see results...not so much with fibro. How does one encourage someone to not give up, knowing full well that they will never succeed?
So the question that must be on everyone's mind is this: Would I have still married Rochelle had I known that Rochelle would get fibromyalgia? The answer is Yes. Obviously, there was no way of knowing that Rochelle would get fibromyalgia when we were courting or when we got married. Although the ideal situation is to not have this disabling situation, we've come to grips that this is our trial. We have been chosen to live with and deal with the pain that fibro causes so that others may see God glorified. He's the one that gives us our daily strength to press on. And press on we will...until He takes it away or until He comes back again.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
A Spouse's View of Fibromyalgia - Part 3 of Our 10 Yr Anniv Series
As a part of our anniversary series leading up to our 10 year anniversary this Thursday, I thought it'd be nice to get Tim's perspective on life with Fibromyalgia. I really appreciated hearing his take on things, and I hope you will benefit from it as well. This is in two parts, next post coming tomorrow.
~~~~~~~~
Our 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up. Anniversaries tend to force you to remember how things were compared to how they are now. With that in mind, Rochelle asked me to write a few things about how fibromyalgia has impacted my life. It’s an interesting topic because I think that we all tend to focus on the subject that has ‘X-Y-Z’ syndrome/disease/etc…and forget about how having that thing effects others. But it does.
In order to see how things are now, it’s probably best to see where things were BEFORE fibro. When I met Rochelle (over 12 years ago), we were in our second year of college. I was a transfer from another college. We were both Communication majors, though somehow we didn’t end up meeting till spring semester (which is strange because of how small the department was in comparison to other schools). We began our courtship in April 1998, with the intention of marriage as an end result. Soon after, we were engaged, graduated from college and eventually married on June 24, 2000. Life…was grand.
Apart from being in an auto accident exactly one week from our wedding, the first few years together were simple and happy. We both started salaried jobs that we, for the most part, liked. We moved around a few times & eventually bought a home. Ah, the American dream…realized.
Then, out of nowhere, we started going through a streak of ‘bad luck’. Rochelle & I almost drowned in Lake Michigan from a jet ski accident, Rochelle had a big anxiety attack, we had carbon monoxide poisoning in our home, and Rochelle was in a car accident…all in a 4 month time span. Little did we know that the last event on the list would have such a lasting effect on us. This is the one event that we point towards as the beginning of Rochelle’s fibromyalgia.
It was a long/tough time figuring out what was going on. Rochelle was in pain…all over…all the time. No amount of Ibuprofen would get rid of the pain. Sure, the medicine may have decreased the pain some or maybe even dulled it, but it was lurking…just waiting to come back. So, we did what every red-blooded American would do in this situation. Go to the doctor? Nah…we surfed the web for an explanation. A few possibilities were given. We also went to the library to see if there was any more help there. Rochelle checked out a few books on fibromyalgia and began reading them. Although scared at what having fibromyalgia might mean for us, by far the greatest fear was not knowing what was the cause of Rochelle’s pain.
After all the reading was done, we pretty much had figured out that Rochelle did have fibro, but thought that we should get a doctor to verify it, so that we could attempt some sort of a drug treatment. Bear in mind that fibromyalgia was, at this point, still a syndrome that wasn’t overly accepted as an actual problem. Some in the medical field thought that it was more of a mental breakdown of sorts. Eventually we found a specialist that verified our fears…it was fibromyalgia.
The doctor prescribed a few medications. I was hoping for the best. To see someone in pain is one thing…to see someone you love in pain (and you can’t do anything to take away that pain) is another. Unfortunately, the medication didn’t help as much as we were expecting it to. Could we have taken a stronger dose? Sure. But the side effects on these pills made me wonder where the woman I married went. Rochelle was not herself and we yearned for her to be ‘back to normal’ (if there is such a thing). It got to a point where we scoffed every time there was a Lyrica commercial on TV: it may work for some (as they claim), but it didn’t work for us.
We were back at being frustrated…knowing what was wrong but having no means to get better. Rochelle continued her research and got countless pieces of advice from relatives and friends (most of the advice was not asked for, so I could sense the negativity that Rochelle had every time someone brought it up). I found myself also passing on suggestions to Rochelle (suggestions that I had either picked up from the web or from friends), only to be shrugged away. She was in a very hard place because she wanted everyone to know why she wouldn’t be able to do some things that she was able to do in the past…yet she didn’t want people to treat her like she was handicapped. It was a very thin line...one that I found myself very frustrated in determining what to do.
One of the things that made having fibro so tough was that the average person could not tell that Rochelle had it. Unlike most diseases and syndromes, fibromyalgia is one that in which the average onlooker can't tell that someone is battling. For example, you might be able to tell that someone has a sprained ankle when they start to walk...or be able to tell that someone has a type of cancer by their hair falling out. Unless the pain is so intense that she has to stop doing what she was doing, fibromyalgia was invisible to the average person.
To be continued….
~~~~~~~~
Our 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up. Anniversaries tend to force you to remember how things were compared to how they are now. With that in mind, Rochelle asked me to write a few things about how fibromyalgia has impacted my life. It’s an interesting topic because I think that we all tend to focus on the subject that has ‘X-Y-Z’ syndrome/disease/etc…and forget about how having that thing effects others. But it does.
In order to see how things are now, it’s probably best to see where things were BEFORE fibro. When I met Rochelle (over 12 years ago), we were in our second year of college. I was a transfer from another college. We were both Communication majors, though somehow we didn’t end up meeting till spring semester (which is strange because of how small the department was in comparison to other schools). We began our courtship in April 1998, with the intention of marriage as an end result. Soon after, we were engaged, graduated from college and eventually married on June 24, 2000. Life…was grand.
Apart from being in an auto accident exactly one week from our wedding, the first few years together were simple and happy. We both started salaried jobs that we, for the most part, liked. We moved around a few times & eventually bought a home. Ah, the American dream…realized.
Then, out of nowhere, we started going through a streak of ‘bad luck’. Rochelle & I almost drowned in Lake Michigan from a jet ski accident, Rochelle had a big anxiety attack, we had carbon monoxide poisoning in our home, and Rochelle was in a car accident…all in a 4 month time span. Little did we know that the last event on the list would have such a lasting effect on us. This is the one event that we point towards as the beginning of Rochelle’s fibromyalgia.
It was a long/tough time figuring out what was going on. Rochelle was in pain…all over…all the time. No amount of Ibuprofen would get rid of the pain. Sure, the medicine may have decreased the pain some or maybe even dulled it, but it was lurking…just waiting to come back. So, we did what every red-blooded American would do in this situation. Go to the doctor? Nah…we surfed the web for an explanation. A few possibilities were given. We also went to the library to see if there was any more help there. Rochelle checked out a few books on fibromyalgia and began reading them. Although scared at what having fibromyalgia might mean for us, by far the greatest fear was not knowing what was the cause of Rochelle’s pain.
After all the reading was done, we pretty much had figured out that Rochelle did have fibro, but thought that we should get a doctor to verify it, so that we could attempt some sort of a drug treatment. Bear in mind that fibromyalgia was, at this point, still a syndrome that wasn’t overly accepted as an actual problem. Some in the medical field thought that it was more of a mental breakdown of sorts. Eventually we found a specialist that verified our fears…it was fibromyalgia.
The doctor prescribed a few medications. I was hoping for the best. To see someone in pain is one thing…to see someone you love in pain (and you can’t do anything to take away that pain) is another. Unfortunately, the medication didn’t help as much as we were expecting it to. Could we have taken a stronger dose? Sure. But the side effects on these pills made me wonder where the woman I married went. Rochelle was not herself and we yearned for her to be ‘back to normal’ (if there is such a thing). It got to a point where we scoffed every time there was a Lyrica commercial on TV: it may work for some (as they claim), but it didn’t work for us.
We were back at being frustrated…knowing what was wrong but having no means to get better. Rochelle continued her research and got countless pieces of advice from relatives and friends (most of the advice was not asked for, so I could sense the negativity that Rochelle had every time someone brought it up). I found myself also passing on suggestions to Rochelle (suggestions that I had either picked up from the web or from friends), only to be shrugged away. She was in a very hard place because she wanted everyone to know why she wouldn’t be able to do some things that she was able to do in the past…yet she didn’t want people to treat her like she was handicapped. It was a very thin line...one that I found myself very frustrated in determining what to do.
One of the things that made having fibro so tough was that the average person could not tell that Rochelle had it. Unlike most diseases and syndromes, fibromyalgia is one that in which the average onlooker can't tell that someone is battling. For example, you might be able to tell that someone has a sprained ankle when they start to walk...or be able to tell that someone has a type of cancer by their hair falling out. Unless the pain is so intense that she has to stop doing what she was doing, fibromyalgia was invisible to the average person.
To be continued….
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Where I'm at Now with This Whole Fibro Thing
Here's a conversation I had today on Facebook with a guy who is more or less like a Grandpa to me. I love him dearly despite having only met him in person once. He's full of wisdom, wit, and kindness. I simply adore him and his wife. I'll have to post more about that another time. For now, I just really liked talking with him about this, and was able to put it into words a little better than I can sometimes here. So I wanted to paste the conversation here...all for God's glory:
Bernie:
So glad you are feeling better. You had a tough time for a while. Checked out your blog and understand better the agony of fibro. God is giving you a wonderful spirit through it all. Praise His name.
Me:
Aww, thanks Bernie! It's encouraging to hear that others are seeing the effects of the Lord in me through this. It's truly so hard, but God has really poured out His grace on me. It's so easy with Fibro to get swept up in how awful you feel, woe is me, to dwell on the negatives, and slink into depression. It took me a couple of years to get to this point where I'm thankful for it, consider a blessing, and am just trying to help give God the glory. He allowed this in my life for a reason, it's time I step up to the plate and own it. Being depressed isn't going to help, although I think I had to go through that to get to where I am now. Praise God he brought me through that time to the other side! I still have hard days, but overall, I'm doing a lot better than I was 2-3 years ago!!! :) Praise the Lord!
Bernie:
So glad you are feeling better. You had a tough time for a while. Checked out your blog and understand better the agony of fibro. God is giving you a wonderful spirit through it all. Praise His name.
Me:
Aww, thanks Bernie! It's encouraging to hear that others are seeing the effects of the Lord in me through this. It's truly so hard, but God has really poured out His grace on me. It's so easy with Fibro to get swept up in how awful you feel, woe is me, to dwell on the negatives, and slink into depression. It took me a couple of years to get to this point where I'm thankful for it, consider a blessing, and am just trying to help give God the glory. He allowed this in my life for a reason, it's time I step up to the plate and own it. Being depressed isn't going to help, although I think I had to go through that to get to where I am now. Praise God he brought me through that time to the other side! I still have hard days, but overall, I'm doing a lot better than I was 2-3 years ago!!! :) Praise the Lord!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Four Years Ago Today
Four years ago today started it all. We think.
Four years ago today, I headed out of work on my way to an eye doctor appointment. I took a different route than usual that would get me more directly to my destination. I was stopped at a stoplight, letting a lady out of her driveway, when all of a sudden...
a loud thunk/crash. I'd just been rear-ended.
It felt weird. I remember being stunned. It took several seconds before I realized what had happened. I was so surprised because I remember glancing in the rearview mirror after I'd stopped to make sure the guy behind me had stopped. The lady had gotten out of her driveway fine, and I was just about to start going myself. Instead, wham.
I was in disbelief and shock. It took a couple minutes {seemingly... although maybe just seconds} before we got out of our vehicles. He was in a big truck. Maybe like an F-150 but maybe not quite that big. It was white. It was covered in the back.
But then, wait, he's walking behind him....
Sure enough, someone else had hit him, causing him to hit me. And really in retrospect, he wasn't all that close to me. Obviously close enough but it's not like he was sitting on my bumper or anything. The second guy was also in a truck, almost the same size as the first. It was green and also covered in the back.
It had snowed the previous day and he claimed he tried to stop and just slid into us. I'd never experienced anything like it. But thankfully both guys were very kind and apologetic. We looked at all 3 vehicles and deemed there was no damage and everyone seemed okay. We decided not to call the police and cause a larger back-up, there was no need. Did we need to exchange information or anything? We all decided that wouldn't be necessary.
And in a sudden moment of clarity, I decided, yes in fact, we do need to exchange information. Just in case. After all, you never know.
So we did just that. I remember the guy in the middle giving me his name, address, phone number, and insurance information. So when the guy in the back gave me just his name, address, and phone number, I went ahead and asked for his insurance information. He said he didn't have it on him, he was just running over to the WalMart over here really quick and his house was nearby so he didn't think he'd need it. I thought that was strange, but I didn't question him, I figured what I had would be enough. Again, they apologized. They were both incredibly nice and protective of me, wanting to be sure I was okay. I said I was and that I couldn't be late for my eye doctor appt. That's just what I kept thinking in my mind, I have to go.
So, we left. I cried and was shaking the whole way to the appt (another 20 minutes of driving). I didn't call hubster until I was in the eye doctor's parking lot. I was really shook up. He tried to help calm me down a little as I ran into my appt. The doc and his asst were both very kind and wanted to make sure I was okay. I left hurriedly afterward and ran to my car and sobbed and sobbed. Called hubster again still shaking. This time he was able to help calm me down, but also questioned why I hadn't called the cops... said he'd take a look at my car later to be sure I hadn't missed any damage.
That happened on a Friday night. Sunday morning after church, Tim remembered to take a look at the car and when he pointed out the damage, I remember nearly falling over.
How did I miss that?
It was a crack in the bumper near the license plate... it wasn't big, but it was very obviously there. And I probably missed it because of my hurry and shock. Stink! I remember that I was really sore both Sat and Sun. I remember being surprised by the pain. I remember the next day staying home from work to continue to give my body time to heal and to have our insurance guy come out and assess the damage. I called both guys involved. First, the guy directly behind me. Secondly, the guy two cars behind me.
"We're sorry... your call cannot be completed as dialed...."
Wait, WHAT?!
I quickly did an Internet search to see about his address.
It didn't exist.
Then a quick search for his name.
It didn't exist.
Holy moly. I knew I was in trouble. I had the worst feeling in my stomach. I thought I was going to pass out. I was shocked.
And then incredibly angry.
Remember, I grew up in a small town where everyone was kind, honest, and respectful. Nothing like this would have ever happened. I didn't even know there were people out there like this. It was like my little world came crashing down into a shock of reality.
The insurance agent arrived and we spoke at length about what happened, and he looked at my car. He showed me the back of my insurance card and the list of things to do whenever you're in an accident. Whoops, didn't know that was there. The guy in the middle couldn't be held liable since the accident wasn't his fault. I called that guy again, let him know... he was so kind and apologetic again... But obviously there wasn't anything that he could do.
And the damage was assessed at $800. Bleh.
I called hubster. Cried a lot. Freaked out a bit. Had to fill out insurance paperwork. Felt devastated and frustrated. Knew that with our $1,000 deductible, the cost would be on us. It was all my fault for not asking the guy more information, writing down his license plate number, etc. I felt terrible.
And exactly 8 months later, the weird symptoms began that would later be known to me as Fibromyalgia.
I don't understand it in a lot of ways. The accident wasn't that bad. Yes I was hit with the force of two trucks. Yes, it hurt. Yes, it did damage. Yes, I was stressed and tense for weeks afterward. But I wasn't in the hospital. I wasn't immediately injured. I don't understand.
I was in a much worse car accident when I was 16, was transported by ambulance to the ER, wore a neck brace for days after my whiplash, etc. Why didn't this come on then?
There are no real answers. Just a lot of questions. But what I do know is this...
I'm learning a lot. I'm learning to trust, rest, and hope in Christ. I'm learning to be thankful for this gift. I'm learning to wait on God. I'm learning that in my worst brokenness, God is there, suffering with me, feeling my pain, and holding me in the palm of His hand.
I've learned more in the past four years than I ever thought possible.
Four years ago today changed my life forever.
Four years ago today, I headed out of work on my way to an eye doctor appointment. I took a different route than usual that would get me more directly to my destination. I was stopped at a stoplight, letting a lady out of her driveway, when all of a sudden...
a loud thunk/crash. I'd just been rear-ended.
It felt weird. I remember being stunned. It took several seconds before I realized what had happened. I was so surprised because I remember glancing in the rearview mirror after I'd stopped to make sure the guy behind me had stopped. The lady had gotten out of her driveway fine, and I was just about to start going myself. Instead, wham.
I was in disbelief and shock. It took a couple minutes {seemingly... although maybe just seconds} before we got out of our vehicles. He was in a big truck. Maybe like an F-150 but maybe not quite that big. It was white. It was covered in the back.
But then, wait, he's walking behind him....
Sure enough, someone else had hit him, causing him to hit me. And really in retrospect, he wasn't all that close to me. Obviously close enough but it's not like he was sitting on my bumper or anything. The second guy was also in a truck, almost the same size as the first. It was green and also covered in the back.
It had snowed the previous day and he claimed he tried to stop and just slid into us. I'd never experienced anything like it. But thankfully both guys were very kind and apologetic. We looked at all 3 vehicles and deemed there was no damage and everyone seemed okay. We decided not to call the police and cause a larger back-up, there was no need. Did we need to exchange information or anything? We all decided that wouldn't be necessary.
And in a sudden moment of clarity, I decided, yes in fact, we do need to exchange information. Just in case. After all, you never know.
So we did just that. I remember the guy in the middle giving me his name, address, phone number, and insurance information. So when the guy in the back gave me just his name, address, and phone number, I went ahead and asked for his insurance information. He said he didn't have it on him, he was just running over to the WalMart over here really quick and his house was nearby so he didn't think he'd need it. I thought that was strange, but I didn't question him, I figured what I had would be enough. Again, they apologized. They were both incredibly nice and protective of me, wanting to be sure I was okay. I said I was and that I couldn't be late for my eye doctor appt. That's just what I kept thinking in my mind, I have to go.
So, we left. I cried and was shaking the whole way to the appt (another 20 minutes of driving). I didn't call hubster until I was in the eye doctor's parking lot. I was really shook up. He tried to help calm me down a little as I ran into my appt. The doc and his asst were both very kind and wanted to make sure I was okay. I left hurriedly afterward and ran to my car and sobbed and sobbed. Called hubster again still shaking. This time he was able to help calm me down, but also questioned why I hadn't called the cops... said he'd take a look at my car later to be sure I hadn't missed any damage.
That happened on a Friday night. Sunday morning after church, Tim remembered to take a look at the car and when he pointed out the damage, I remember nearly falling over.
How did I miss that?
It was a crack in the bumper near the license plate... it wasn't big, but it was very obviously there. And I probably missed it because of my hurry and shock. Stink! I remember that I was really sore both Sat and Sun. I remember being surprised by the pain. I remember the next day staying home from work to continue to give my body time to heal and to have our insurance guy come out and assess the damage. I called both guys involved. First, the guy directly behind me. Secondly, the guy two cars behind me.
"We're sorry... your call cannot be completed as dialed...."
Wait, WHAT?!
I quickly did an Internet search to see about his address.
It didn't exist.
Then a quick search for his name.
It didn't exist.
Holy moly. I knew I was in trouble. I had the worst feeling in my stomach. I thought I was going to pass out. I was shocked.
And then incredibly angry.
Remember, I grew up in a small town where everyone was kind, honest, and respectful. Nothing like this would have ever happened. I didn't even know there were people out there like this. It was like my little world came crashing down into a shock of reality.
The insurance agent arrived and we spoke at length about what happened, and he looked at my car. He showed me the back of my insurance card and the list of things to do whenever you're in an accident. Whoops, didn't know that was there. The guy in the middle couldn't be held liable since the accident wasn't his fault. I called that guy again, let him know... he was so kind and apologetic again... But obviously there wasn't anything that he could do.
And the damage was assessed at $800. Bleh.
I called hubster. Cried a lot. Freaked out a bit. Had to fill out insurance paperwork. Felt devastated and frustrated. Knew that with our $1,000 deductible, the cost would be on us. It was all my fault for not asking the guy more information, writing down his license plate number, etc. I felt terrible.
And exactly 8 months later, the weird symptoms began that would later be known to me as Fibromyalgia.
I don't understand it in a lot of ways. The accident wasn't that bad. Yes I was hit with the force of two trucks. Yes, it hurt. Yes, it did damage. Yes, I was stressed and tense for weeks afterward. But I wasn't in the hospital. I wasn't immediately injured. I don't understand.
I was in a much worse car accident when I was 16, was transported by ambulance to the ER, wore a neck brace for days after my whiplash, etc. Why didn't this come on then?
There are no real answers. Just a lot of questions. But what I do know is this...
I'm learning a lot. I'm learning to trust, rest, and hope in Christ. I'm learning to be thankful for this gift. I'm learning to wait on God. I'm learning that in my worst brokenness, God is there, suffering with me, feeling my pain, and holding me in the palm of His hand.
I've learned more in the past four years than I ever thought possible.
Four years ago today changed my life forever.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
My Fibromyalgia Story, Part 5
...continued from 4 previous posts.
While I'm still unsure of exactly why I got Fibromyalgia... why God allowed this to happen to me... and I still get overwhelmed at times... I've come a long way even since I posted the 4th part of my story.
God has been incredibly gracious to me. Showing me His constant sovereignty, His hand in my life, and His awesome ways.
And I am so thankful!
I have been recently tested again for thyroid problems, and it's all clear. I never did get further testing for Lyme's disease, but I spoke extensively with my doctor and I trust her, and I don't think that's really an issue for me. And as most of you know now, I've made huge strides in my weight and lifestyle adjustments. I've lost 6 pounds thus far and several inches in places like my hips, triceps, and abs. Woohoo! I know I still have a long way to go, and the holidays are setting me back slightly, but I will not give up, I will persevere with God's help!!
I've also had excellent biblical counseling with a friend from church (Fibro takes quite an emotional toll). I still deeply long to be a mother, but we're still waiting. I haven't found another rheumatologist. I haven't seen my amazing chiropractor in nearly a year. Mostly, he's too far out of the way and this year I wanted to concentrate more on weight loss and getting healthy. I love my new doctor, she is really awesome and knows a lot about Fibro. She's helping me stop taking some meds. I've already come off one and I've seen a difference in my blood pressure. We're working to come off another one... I am coming off it slowly to just see what happens. I hope to get off my blood pressure meds in the next 6 months or so. The hope is that as I come off these meds, I can handle things more naturally so that the weight continues to come off and my health continues to improve. I do not want to be so reliant on medicines if I can help it. (Not that there's anything wrong with it or that you should do likewise, this is just what I am thinking and what thus far is working for me because of other lifestyle changes that are assisting in the process.)
The biggest difference, of course, has been the exercising. I am so in love with my gym! From the awesome member advisor, to the personal trainers, to the nutritionist, they are all extremely knowledgeable about Fibro. I was so surprised. They are all so incredibly amazing. I remember feeling so intimidated for so long about going in. But I also know a coworker who loves that place (different location), and I knew it had a pool (thinking that would be all I could do). They have a 7 day free trial pass, so I finally decided why not? So in I went. And I have been very grateful ever since. I'm just thrilled with Lifetime Fitness, and cannot imagine going anywhere else. Ever. It's my kind of place! (Sometimes I still can't believe I'm even saying that!) Thank you Lord!!!!!
My Fibro story will continue to go on. But by God's continued grace, we will find ways to manage and control it so it doesn't overtake my life. Ever again.
Thanks for sharing in my journey with me!
While I'm still unsure of exactly why I got Fibromyalgia... why God allowed this to happen to me... and I still get overwhelmed at times... I've come a long way even since I posted the 4th part of my story.
God has been incredibly gracious to me. Showing me His constant sovereignty, His hand in my life, and His awesome ways.
And I am so thankful!
I have been recently tested again for thyroid problems, and it's all clear. I never did get further testing for Lyme's disease, but I spoke extensively with my doctor and I trust her, and I don't think that's really an issue for me. And as most of you know now, I've made huge strides in my weight and lifestyle adjustments. I've lost 6 pounds thus far and several inches in places like my hips, triceps, and abs. Woohoo! I know I still have a long way to go, and the holidays are setting me back slightly, but I will not give up, I will persevere with God's help!!
I've also had excellent biblical counseling with a friend from church (Fibro takes quite an emotional toll). I still deeply long to be a mother, but we're still waiting. I haven't found another rheumatologist. I haven't seen my amazing chiropractor in nearly a year. Mostly, he's too far out of the way and this year I wanted to concentrate more on weight loss and getting healthy. I love my new doctor, she is really awesome and knows a lot about Fibro. She's helping me stop taking some meds. I've already come off one and I've seen a difference in my blood pressure. We're working to come off another one... I am coming off it slowly to just see what happens. I hope to get off my blood pressure meds in the next 6 months or so. The hope is that as I come off these meds, I can handle things more naturally so that the weight continues to come off and my health continues to improve. I do not want to be so reliant on medicines if I can help it. (Not that there's anything wrong with it or that you should do likewise, this is just what I am thinking and what thus far is working for me because of other lifestyle changes that are assisting in the process.)
The biggest difference, of course, has been the exercising. I am so in love with my gym! From the awesome member advisor, to the personal trainers, to the nutritionist, they are all extremely knowledgeable about Fibro. I was so surprised. They are all so incredibly amazing. I remember feeling so intimidated for so long about going in. But I also know a coworker who loves that place (different location), and I knew it had a pool (thinking that would be all I could do). They have a 7 day free trial pass, so I finally decided why not? So in I went. And I have been very grateful ever since. I'm just thrilled with Lifetime Fitness, and cannot imagine going anywhere else. Ever. It's my kind of place! (Sometimes I still can't believe I'm even saying that!) Thank you Lord!!!!!
My Fibro story will continue to go on. But by God's continued grace, we will find ways to manage and control it so it doesn't overtake my life. Ever again.
Thanks for sharing in my journey with me!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Why I'm Thankful for Fibromyalgia *Edited*
If you are new to my blog, you may not be aware that I'm actually at a place where I can say I'm truly thankful for Fibromyalgia and it's affect on my life.
And I don't say that lightly.
I am truly thankful. To read more about my experience, click the My Fibro Story tab at the top. It's an ongoing story....
I never in a million years would have thought I'd say I'd be thankful for a condition like this. But I am. In part it's because I know it could be worse. Fibro affects everyone so differently and I realize I could be so much worse, or I could have cancer, or something even more painful. I'm glad I don't. And I pray for those who do.
Really it's mostly because I know I wouldn't be the person I am today without having Fibromyalgia in my life. It's not like it hasn't been a major struggle. It's not like I could do this at all on my own, I firmly believe God is carrying me and granting me grace and mercy. I am so utterly thankful for this journey. I often hope and pray that doesn't mean it'll last my entire life, but I'm okay if God chooses to allow that too (I think). Whether it's just for a season, or my lifetime, I know it has helped grow me as a person in ways I never could have otherwise. I truly believe God genuinely knows what he's doing. And despite my initial bitterness about the situation, I know he's forgiven & embraced me.
You know, prior to this happening to me, I didn't understand. I didn't know what it might be like to go through cancer and deal with horrible pain. I didn't really even know anything about chronic pain and illness. I'd never heard of Fibromyalgia before (MS, yes / Fibro, no). I've met an entire community of people who have this syndrome that I never understood before. I truly love all the people I've met, have such respect for so many of you, and deeply desire to use this gift to bring more honor and glory to our Heavenly Father. I believe that's God's true purpose for me in this. That I will grow and be molded/shaped by him as a person, and that I will allow him to complete this good work he's doing so that I can bring honor and glory to him. For after all, he is why I even get to breathe another day.
Through it all, I'm learning to trust God more. I'm learning to rely solely on him, find my peace and happiness in him alone, and be dependent on him alone. For he is my strength, my purpose, my shield. I know I'm going through this for reasons I may not fully grasp on this earth, but I know that he's got me in his strong and mighty hands.
And I'm finally okay with that.
On another note... to you newbies, a few blogging things you should know about me:
1. I love sarcasm and being witty, even if it doesn't entirely translate right onto the page.
2. While I do blog about Fibro a lot, it's not the only thing I talk about. I need an outlet for the other creative/fun sides of me, and to help cheer me up without the constant talk about Fibro. Plus too much talk about it, and I feel as though I'm complaining. So I like to keep myself in check with other things. I hope you will enjoy those things and get to know me beyond just the Fibro side of me.
3. While I absolutely love God and am not ashamed of it, those of you who don't need not worry about being criticized or judged. We may disagree, and I may talk with you about how you function in life without knowing Him as your Lord and Savior (since I've been a Christian since I was 5, I just don't understand, and I mean that in a loving/kind way), but that doesn't mean you won't be loved and appreciated around here. My only request is that you don't swear in any comments you leave, and that we all communicate lovingly, not argumentatively.
Thanks for joining or visiting! I appreciate all you blogging friends so much!
YOU ARE LOVED!
And I don't say that lightly.
I am truly thankful. To read more about my experience, click the My Fibro Story tab at the top. It's an ongoing story....
I never in a million years would have thought I'd say I'd be thankful for a condition like this. But I am. In part it's because I know it could be worse. Fibro affects everyone so differently and I realize I could be so much worse, or I could have cancer, or something even more painful. I'm glad I don't. And I pray for those who do.
Really it's mostly because I know I wouldn't be the person I am today without having Fibromyalgia in my life. It's not like it hasn't been a major struggle. It's not like I could do this at all on my own, I firmly believe God is carrying me and granting me grace and mercy. I am so utterly thankful for this journey. I often hope and pray that doesn't mean it'll last my entire life, but I'm okay if God chooses to allow that too (I think). Whether it's just for a season, or my lifetime, I know it has helped grow me as a person in ways I never could have otherwise. I truly believe God genuinely knows what he's doing. And despite my initial bitterness about the situation, I know he's forgiven & embraced me.
You know, prior to this happening to me, I didn't understand. I didn't know what it might be like to go through cancer and deal with horrible pain. I didn't really even know anything about chronic pain and illness. I'd never heard of Fibromyalgia before (MS, yes / Fibro, no). I've met an entire community of people who have this syndrome that I never understood before. I truly love all the people I've met, have such respect for so many of you, and deeply desire to use this gift to bring more honor and glory to our Heavenly Father. I believe that's God's true purpose for me in this. That I will grow and be molded/shaped by him as a person, and that I will allow him to complete this good work he's doing so that I can bring honor and glory to him. For after all, he is why I even get to breathe another day.
Through it all, I'm learning to trust God more. I'm learning to rely solely on him, find my peace and happiness in him alone, and be dependent on him alone. For he is my strength, my purpose, my shield. I know I'm going through this for reasons I may not fully grasp on this earth, but I know that he's got me in his strong and mighty hands.
And I'm finally okay with that.
On another note... to you newbies, a few blogging things you should know about me:
1. I love sarcasm and being witty, even if it doesn't entirely translate right onto the page.
2. While I do blog about Fibro a lot, it's not the only thing I talk about. I need an outlet for the other creative/fun sides of me, and to help cheer me up without the constant talk about Fibro. Plus too much talk about it, and I feel as though I'm complaining. So I like to keep myself in check with other things. I hope you will enjoy those things and get to know me beyond just the Fibro side of me.
3. While I absolutely love God and am not ashamed of it, those of you who don't need not worry about being criticized or judged. We may disagree, and I may talk with you about how you function in life without knowing Him as your Lord and Savior (since I've been a Christian since I was 5, I just don't understand, and I mean that in a loving/kind way), but that doesn't mean you won't be loved and appreciated around here. My only request is that you don't swear in any comments you leave, and that we all communicate lovingly, not argumentatively.
Thanks for joining or visiting! I appreciate all you blogging friends so much!
YOU ARE LOVED!
Monday, August 17, 2009
3 years ago today
3 years ago today...
...I felt horrible tingling in my left arm
...I got totally freaked out and worried
...I ran down the hall to a coworker who encouraged me to talk to a chiropractor because it could just be a pinched nerve
...I felt much better after seeing the chiro who also thought it was a pinched nerve
...I started to wonder after seemingly a gazillion treatments why the tingling/pain was spreading
...I got some weird other symptoms and started seeing another specialist
...I got poked and proded and had a ton of tests run on me
...I wondered where all this all-over constant body pain came from
...I started reading books and doing research online
...I wept when I read a story that was absolutely me
...and that person had Fibromyalgia
3 years ago today this adventure started. I don't know where it's taking me, but I know Who is with me all the way. He's never changed. He's my only constant. I don't know where I'd be without Him.
3 years ago today, my life changed. And I will never be the same.
And I thank God for it.
...I felt horrible tingling in my left arm
...I got totally freaked out and worried
...I ran down the hall to a coworker who encouraged me to talk to a chiropractor because it could just be a pinched nerve
...I felt much better after seeing the chiro who also thought it was a pinched nerve
...I started to wonder after seemingly a gazillion treatments why the tingling/pain was spreading
...I got some weird other symptoms and started seeing another specialist
...I got poked and proded and had a ton of tests run on me
...I wondered where all this all-over constant body pain came from
...I started reading books and doing research online
...I wept when I read a story that was absolutely me
...and that person had Fibromyalgia
3 years ago today this adventure started. I don't know where it's taking me, but I know Who is with me all the way. He's never changed. He's my only constant. I don't know where I'd be without Him.
3 years ago today, my life changed. And I will never be the same.
And I thank God for it.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
My Fibromyalgia Story, Part 4
...continued from 3 previous posts.
There are so many variables, and there's really no real way to know for sure. Somehow, for some reason, it happened. It happened to me.
Welcome to my new normal.
To which I'm still adjusting.
I'm trying to understand it and allow God to mold & shape me through it. I want to bring honor & glory to him through it all. I'm not quite sure yet how to do that, but I hope this blog is part of that.
I started this blog back in November 2007 after becoming more vocal about my Fibro, and realizing that perhaps this would be the best way for me to make a difference in this world for Christ.
I have to say, I honestly don't know how anyone does this without Him. Jesus Christ is my everything. If I didn't have Him to lean on through this, I would not make it. Of that, I am certain.
You know, my pastor always says "whatever doesn't make you better, makes you bitter". That is so true. I know I'm at the stage right now where I'm fighting bitterness and anger; but I want to get to that place where it's making me better. I have a ways to go... I'm not perfect, but I am tired of allowing myself to ride an emotional roller coaster. And I know that's a terrible place to be.
But sometimes when I step back and realize just how much I have to do to feel better physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally... I get incredibly overwhelmed. It's tough in moments like that to not just want to quit. But I will keep pressing on because I know that's what God wants of me.
Read more in this regard on My Thorn.
So where am I at now?
The doctors ruled out autoimmune diseases and multiple sclerosis, asked me a million questions, and poked me til I was blue. They've found that I'm very mildly anemic and have something going on with my thyroid that they can't explain... literally just scratching their heads and walking away from that one.
I will have to be my own advocate for sorting out my thyroid issues as well as getting the deeper testing I've learned about for Lyme's disease (since Lyme's can mimic arthritis, Fibro, MS, etc) and I grew up in the country where we got tick bites all the time and thought little of it.
One issue these days is getting my eating, exercise, and weight under control. I have issues. Go to the right column and click on my weight loss blog if you want to know some more information on that. But instead we'll just say here that since I'm 5'2", I'm classified by the BMI as morbidly obese. That is depressing. I don't think of myself that way... in fact I still sometimes picture myself as being that skinny, athletic person that I was in high school and college (and given that I'm only 30, it's really not that long ago...). I know that is something I really need to get working on, especially in hopes that it'll help lessen my Fibro symptoms. I know that the weight could be making it worse, although I'm fairly certain that's not what caused it. I know a lot of people with Fibro who are otherwise skinny/active/healthy people. It hits people of all sizes, races, religions, genders, and ages.
Another big struggle for me is that after 9 years (end of June) of marriage, and being 30, I'm very much ready to start a family. I deeply long to be a mother, but also know that my health is not where it needs to be able to bring a child into this world where it wouldn't be put at high risk. I don't want to do that. I want to get my blood pressure and health under control, and hope to learn more about Fibro before attempting to actually start a family. I'm there emotionally, just not physically. [And yes I realize perhaps adoption would be the way to go in that case, but that's another story for another time.] I'm slightly fearful of what life will be like after having a baby... with Fibro. I don't want to drop the baby, lose my balance, or have such a bad flare I can't function and provide for my child the way I'd need to. I'm not waiting because of that... I'm just wondering. [See Interesting Article on Fibro and Pregnancy link in the right-hand column, which I really appreciated, on this topic.]
Right now I've stepped back from a few things and am reassessing where I'm at. I lost my rheumatologist who left his practice in November, and I lost my regular physician who left her practice/moved away in March. [Hubster likes to joke that I chased them away. ;)] I did have one appointment with the doctor who replaced my previous one, and I really liked her. She knows about Fibro and helped give me some good things to consider. We'll see how that continues to go. I don't have another rheumatologist yet, not sure if I'll be searching or not. I have a fabulous chiropractor who is just too far away to see regularly (going to him doubles my already nasty commute).
I'm on more medications and taking more vitamin supplements than I like to count. I've tried powder drinks and some nasty uncoated pills that make me gag so horribly that I can't continue on them. I've tried more things, heard more things, researched more things than I EVER thought possible. If you're thinking about mentioning it to me, there's a chance I've already heard it. That doesn't mean don't share ideas because maybe I haven't heard it yet, but also don't take it personally if I don't use that information or give that thing a try [or get grumpy if it comes to me at a bad time for me emotionally... again, it's not personal]. Not everything works on every Fibro patient. That's one thing that continues to boggle and frustrate Fibro doctors and patients alike. There's just no guarantee that what works on one Fibro person will work on the next. That's one totally great thing about my chiro. He has 20+ years of experience with it, and an assistant who even has Fibro herself, and knows all the wide arrays of tools, vitamins, adjustments, massage, and other assistance he can try. If it doesn't work, he moves on to the next thing.
HE IS AMAZING and a true God-send. Now if only I could get him to move north a bit... hmmm....
On another note, I have to brag on my pastor for a bit. I know that he's just a messenger of the Lord and that all the glory is the Lord's. But God sure made a great guy to send as a messenger in our neck of the woods. Every week I am continually amazed at what all I'm learning and digesting... things I never knew or imagined.
Earlier this year, he preached a phenomenal sermon series titled Turning Your Trials to Gold, during which time he was going through his own deep trials (including battling prostate cancer). I'd highly, and I mean very highly, recommend that you buy it and listen to or watch it regularly. We bought it on both CD and DVD, and I listen to it nearly every day to and from work in my 45 minute each way commute. It has been a huge blessing and God is really using it in my life. I'm sure that it'll have a deep impact on you as well.
Please read all 4 parts of my Fibro story (quick links are in the upper right-hand column), and let me know if you have any questions. If I left anything hanging unanswered, or if you have any further questions or think of any issues I didn't address, please don't hesitate to leave me a comment or send me an email (rochellelearning@gmail.com). I'd be happy to elaborate further.
...Continued...
So, how did I get Fibromyalgia?
Is it a pinched nerve?
Was it from a car accident?
Was it caused by some other traumatic event in my life?
Has it been a part of me since birth and only now starting to show itself?
We assume it's from a rear-ending car accident in December 05.
But there's really no way to know for sure.
And the person who hit me gave me false info so
I can't even try for any money reimbursement on this.
Was it caused by some other traumatic event in my life?
Has it been a part of me since birth and only now starting to show itself?
We assume it's from a rear-ending car accident in December 05.
But there's really no way to know for sure.
And the person who hit me gave me false info so
I can't even try for any money reimbursement on this.
There are so many variables, and there's really no real way to know for sure. Somehow, for some reason, it happened. It happened to me.
Welcome to my new normal.
To which I'm still adjusting.
I'm trying to understand it and allow God to mold & shape me through it. I want to bring honor & glory to him through it all. I'm not quite sure yet how to do that, but I hope this blog is part of that.
I started this blog back in November 2007 after becoming more vocal about my Fibro, and realizing that perhaps this would be the best way for me to make a difference in this world for Christ.
I have to say, I honestly don't know how anyone does this without Him. Jesus Christ is my everything. If I didn't have Him to lean on through this, I would not make it. Of that, I am certain.
You know, my pastor always says "whatever doesn't make you better, makes you bitter". That is so true. I know I'm at the stage right now where I'm fighting bitterness and anger; but I want to get to that place where it's making me better. I have a ways to go... I'm not perfect, but I am tired of allowing myself to ride an emotional roller coaster. And I know that's a terrible place to be.
But sometimes when I step back and realize just how much I have to do to feel better physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally... I get incredibly overwhelmed. It's tough in moments like that to not just want to quit. But I will keep pressing on because I know that's what God wants of me.
Read more in this regard on My Thorn.
So where am I at now?
The doctors ruled out autoimmune diseases and multiple sclerosis, asked me a million questions, and poked me til I was blue. They've found that I'm very mildly anemic and have something going on with my thyroid that they can't explain... literally just scratching their heads and walking away from that one.
I will have to be my own advocate for sorting out my thyroid issues as well as getting the deeper testing I've learned about for Lyme's disease (since Lyme's can mimic arthritis, Fibro, MS, etc) and I grew up in the country where we got tick bites all the time and thought little of it.
One issue these days is getting my eating, exercise, and weight under control. I have issues. Go to the right column and click on my weight loss blog if you want to know some more information on that. But instead we'll just say here that since I'm 5'2", I'm classified by the BMI as morbidly obese. That is depressing. I don't think of myself that way... in fact I still sometimes picture myself as being that skinny, athletic person that I was in high school and college (and given that I'm only 30, it's really not that long ago...). I know that is something I really need to get working on, especially in hopes that it'll help lessen my Fibro symptoms. I know that the weight could be making it worse, although I'm fairly certain that's not what caused it. I know a lot of people with Fibro who are otherwise skinny/active/healthy people. It hits people of all sizes, races, religions, genders, and ages.
Another big struggle for me is that after 9 years (end of June) of marriage, and being 30, I'm very much ready to start a family. I deeply long to be a mother, but also know that my health is not where it needs to be able to bring a child into this world where it wouldn't be put at high risk. I don't want to do that. I want to get my blood pressure and health under control, and hope to learn more about Fibro before attempting to actually start a family. I'm there emotionally, just not physically. [And yes I realize perhaps adoption would be the way to go in that case, but that's another story for another time.] I'm slightly fearful of what life will be like after having a baby... with Fibro. I don't want to drop the baby, lose my balance, or have such a bad flare I can't function and provide for my child the way I'd need to. I'm not waiting because of that... I'm just wondering. [See Interesting Article on Fibro and Pregnancy link in the right-hand column, which I really appreciated, on this topic.]
Right now I've stepped back from a few things and am reassessing where I'm at. I lost my rheumatologist who left his practice in November, and I lost my regular physician who left her practice/moved away in March. [Hubster likes to joke that I chased them away. ;)] I did have one appointment with the doctor who replaced my previous one, and I really liked her. She knows about Fibro and helped give me some good things to consider. We'll see how that continues to go. I don't have another rheumatologist yet, not sure if I'll be searching or not. I have a fabulous chiropractor who is just too far away to see regularly (going to him doubles my already nasty commute).
I'm on more medications and taking more vitamin supplements than I like to count. I've tried powder drinks and some nasty uncoated pills that make me gag so horribly that I can't continue on them. I've tried more things, heard more things, researched more things than I EVER thought possible. If you're thinking about mentioning it to me, there's a chance I've already heard it. That doesn't mean don't share ideas because maybe I haven't heard it yet, but also don't take it personally if I don't use that information or give that thing a try [or get grumpy if it comes to me at a bad time for me emotionally... again, it's not personal]. Not everything works on every Fibro patient. That's one thing that continues to boggle and frustrate Fibro doctors and patients alike. There's just no guarantee that what works on one Fibro person will work on the next. That's one totally great thing about my chiro. He has 20+ years of experience with it, and an assistant who even has Fibro herself, and knows all the wide arrays of tools, vitamins, adjustments, massage, and other assistance he can try. If it doesn't work, he moves on to the next thing.
HE IS AMAZING and a true God-send. Now if only I could get him to move north a bit... hmmm....
On another note, I have to brag on my pastor for a bit. I know that he's just a messenger of the Lord and that all the glory is the Lord's. But God sure made a great guy to send as a messenger in our neck of the woods. Every week I am continually amazed at what all I'm learning and digesting... things I never knew or imagined.
Earlier this year, he preached a phenomenal sermon series titled Turning Your Trials to Gold, during which time he was going through his own deep trials (including battling prostate cancer). I'd highly, and I mean very highly, recommend that you buy it and listen to or watch it regularly. We bought it on both CD and DVD, and I listen to it nearly every day to and from work in my 45 minute each way commute. It has been a huge blessing and God is really using it in my life. I'm sure that it'll have a deep impact on you as well.
"He knows the way that I take, and when he has tried me,
I shall come forth as gold." ~Job 23:10
I shall come forth as gold." ~Job 23:10
Please read all 4 parts of my Fibro story (quick links are in the upper right-hand column), and let me know if you have any questions. If I left anything hanging unanswered, or if you have any further questions or think of any issues I didn't address, please don't hesitate to leave me a comment or send me an email (rochellelearning@gmail.com). I'd be happy to elaborate further.
...Continued...
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
My Fibromyalgia Story, Part 3
...continued from previous 2 posts.
January 29, 2008, I walked into the rheumatologist's office extremely nervous. I signed in, filled out paperwork, and quietly waited my turn. I was hoping for a slight wait so that I could sit, breathe, and calm down. But instead they called me back very quickly {sigh, the one time I really didn't want them to!} and I saw the doctor pretty quickly. They also had to tell me to calm down because my blood pressure was through the roof.
Well no duh, if I could rest a bit that'd be good.
He did all of the official testing for Fibro. He checked to see what had already been ruled out. We went through my symptoms and history. He did the pressure point test for Fibro (where you have to have pain in 11 of 18 areas for 3 months or more; I had pain in all 18 areas for 17 months) and the checklist of symptoms (where you have to have a list of certain symptoms in 3 out of at least 10 of the areas; I had pretty much every symptom). So he stepped back and said,
"You have Fibromyalgia."
Shocker.
I thought those words would bring relief. Instead I felt overwrought with sorrow. It was official. It was real. It was overwhelmingly real.
Oh. my. word. I. thought. I. was. gonna. die.
It was a relief to have it over with, and as I felt my blood pressure lessening and my head stopped spinning, I took the information handed to me including orders for further blood tests to rule more things out, scheduled a follow-up appt to go through the blood test, went downstairs to request the blood test, found out I had to fast for it so the lab sent me away (despite doctor's orders to take it anyway), scheduled it for the next morning (if I remember correctly), and I exited the building while sobbing and hitting hubster's work number on speed dial.
Click here to read my official diagnosis post one month after.
I went back to work and shared my diagnosis with my close family & friends. One friend was quite surprised by my difficulty with having a diagnosis. I know it's hard to understand why I reacted that way, but now after reading more Fibro blogs, I know I'm not the only one. You feel relief, yes. But you also feel a sense of sorrow as you mourn the loss of your old self, realizing life will never be the same again. Yes I was glad to be sure and have a name for all that pain and misery. But this friend, who'd struggled with her own diagnosis for some time, had every test in the book and no answers or ways to alleviate the pain, couldn't imagine my difficulty in getting the official diagnosis. What she said to me though, was very much what I needed to hear that day, reminding me to be thankful to even have the diagnosis.
Thank you sweet friend, you know who you are.
So, I prayed hard, ate too much food in my sad state, and picked myself back up off the floor, dusted myself off, and started looking toward the next steps to take now that it was official. I slowly started telling more and more people as the year went by and as my other coworkers urged me to do so for continued understanding and support.
I remember being really, really, ridiculously nervous to tell my previous boss. I was so scared. Shaking in my boots. Thought I was going to die. He and I had many past disagreements as our personalities clashed, but I also thought highly of him and knew he's a man of integrity, faith, and I have a lot of deep respect for him. And of course, my fears were once again unfounded, and it went very well.
Whew.
After that I started telling pretty much everyone, specifically at work as we approached a big conference I'd be attending (and on my feet a lot; after 2 yrs of attending previous to this, I decided I needed to be more vocal because faking it was only making it worse, and I was tired of crying all the time in pain behind closed doors when the long, hard days finally came to an end; then spending days after getting back home so sick I was sure I was going to die). I have now lost track of who knows and who doesn't know. Please don't take it personally; I'm not not telling you on purpose!
Telling people had its bad things. I didn't want people to feel sorry for me, think that I couldn't do my job anymore, think less of me, or misunderstand it. I didn't want everyone researching and coming out of the woodwork telling me this thing or that thing that they found, most of which I already knew. At this point I'd already located practically every book in the library about it and a ton of online articles and medical websites. I didn't want it to come across like a complaint or oh woe is me, so I spent a lot of time praying about telling each person. Some people found out on a whim because I knew if I overthought it, I'd never get around to it or would be too nervous to face them without getting super dizzy and feeling faint.
Telling people also had its really great things. It was freeing to have people understanding me better, helping me out where needed, befriending me and encouraging me, covering me in prayer, and learning more about it for their own sakes so they knew what to do/how to help/how to encourage or pray for me.
I'm so appreciative of all the wonderful people in my life: family, friends, coworkers, blog friends, old friends I've found on Facebook, and so on. This journey certainly has had its ups and downs, but I'm thankful to have so many great people by my side.
To be continued...
January 29, 2008, I walked into the rheumatologist's office extremely nervous. I signed in, filled out paperwork, and quietly waited my turn. I was hoping for a slight wait so that I could sit, breathe, and calm down. But instead they called me back very quickly {sigh, the one time I really didn't want them to!} and I saw the doctor pretty quickly. They also had to tell me to calm down because my blood pressure was through the roof.
Well no duh, if I could rest a bit that'd be good.
He did all of the official testing for Fibro. He checked to see what had already been ruled out. We went through my symptoms and history. He did the pressure point test for Fibro (where you have to have pain in 11 of 18 areas for 3 months or more; I had pain in all 18 areas for 17 months) and the checklist of symptoms (where you have to have a list of certain symptoms in 3 out of at least 10 of the areas; I had pretty much every symptom). So he stepped back and said,
"You have Fibromyalgia."
Shocker.
I thought those words would bring relief. Instead I felt overwrought with sorrow. It was official. It was real. It was overwhelmingly real.
Oh. my. word. I. thought. I. was. gonna. die.
It was a relief to have it over with, and as I felt my blood pressure lessening and my head stopped spinning, I took the information handed to me including orders for further blood tests to rule more things out, scheduled a follow-up appt to go through the blood test, went downstairs to request the blood test, found out I had to fast for it so the lab sent me away (despite doctor's orders to take it anyway), scheduled it for the next morning (if I remember correctly), and I exited the building while sobbing and hitting hubster's work number on speed dial.
Click here to read my official diagnosis post one month after.
I went back to work and shared my diagnosis with my close family & friends. One friend was quite surprised by my difficulty with having a diagnosis. I know it's hard to understand why I reacted that way, but now after reading more Fibro blogs, I know I'm not the only one. You feel relief, yes. But you also feel a sense of sorrow as you mourn the loss of your old self, realizing life will never be the same again. Yes I was glad to be sure and have a name for all that pain and misery. But this friend, who'd struggled with her own diagnosis for some time, had every test in the book and no answers or ways to alleviate the pain, couldn't imagine my difficulty in getting the official diagnosis. What she said to me though, was very much what I needed to hear that day, reminding me to be thankful to even have the diagnosis.
Thank you sweet friend, you know who you are.
So, I prayed hard, ate too much food in my sad state, and picked myself back up off the floor, dusted myself off, and started looking toward the next steps to take now that it was official. I slowly started telling more and more people as the year went by and as my other coworkers urged me to do so for continued understanding and support.
I remember being really, really, ridiculously nervous to tell my previous boss. I was so scared. Shaking in my boots. Thought I was going to die. He and I had many past disagreements as our personalities clashed, but I also thought highly of him and knew he's a man of integrity, faith, and I have a lot of deep respect for him. And of course, my fears were once again unfounded, and it went very well.
Whew.
After that I started telling pretty much everyone, specifically at work as we approached a big conference I'd be attending (and on my feet a lot; after 2 yrs of attending previous to this, I decided I needed to be more vocal because faking it was only making it worse, and I was tired of crying all the time in pain behind closed doors when the long, hard days finally came to an end; then spending days after getting back home so sick I was sure I was going to die). I have now lost track of who knows and who doesn't know. Please don't take it personally; I'm not not telling you on purpose!
Telling people had its bad things. I didn't want people to feel sorry for me, think that I couldn't do my job anymore, think less of me, or misunderstand it. I didn't want everyone researching and coming out of the woodwork telling me this thing or that thing that they found, most of which I already knew. At this point I'd already located practically every book in the library about it and a ton of online articles and medical websites. I didn't want it to come across like a complaint or oh woe is me, so I spent a lot of time praying about telling each person. Some people found out on a whim because I knew if I overthought it, I'd never get around to it or would be too nervous to face them without getting super dizzy and feeling faint.
Telling people also had its really great things. It was freeing to have people understanding me better, helping me out where needed, befriending me and encouraging me, covering me in prayer, and learning more about it for their own sakes so they knew what to do/how to help/how to encourage or pray for me.
I'm so appreciative of all the wonderful people in my life: family, friends, coworkers, blog friends, old friends I've found on Facebook, and so on. This journey certainly has had its ups and downs, but I'm thankful to have so many great people by my side.
To be continued...
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
My FIbromyalgia Story, Part 2
...continued from previous.
After that day at the library, I lose track a bit of the timeline. I just remember feeling sooo relieved to have a name for what seemed to be going on within me.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't immediately pretend to think that's all there was to it. I did a lot more reading, digging, exploring, searching, and discovering. I got more blood tests, more pokes, more prodes, more crazy testing, and more evaluations.
My doctor and chiropractor both indicated it could be Fibromyalgia (at this point maybe April or May of 2007), and that I should go see a rheumatologist for an official diagnosis. My doctor gave me the info for one, and I politely accepted it.
I know it's a bit odd, but at that point I was fairly confident that it was Fibromyalgia, and I wasn't sure I wanted more poking and proding right away. So I set the card aside for another day.
And it stayed there... for months. While I attempted to just get by and live a "normal" life, continuing to hide my symptoms and how bad I was feeling from most of the people in my life. I was embarrassed and frustrated. I didn't want people to know what was going on in case it really wasn't that, and in case it really was a result of my weight issues.
As I met more people with Fibro, did more research online, and tried to figure out what might have caused the Fibro, I decided my weight certainly wasn't the issue, and that I didn't really need to be embarrassed.
For reasons I won't fully go into, I didn't want to reveal any of this to any of my coworkers outside of just a handful of my closest friends there. I was mostly afraid it could possibly jeopardize my job or people thinking it might affect my ability to do my job. Not that those thoughts were necessarily founded, but that's what I thought nonetheless. (I'm a bit of a sensitive gal.)
Finally in Dec 07, I called that rheumatologist. She wasn't covered by my insurance and cost nearly $450 for a first appointment. Yipes!
This time instead of giving up, I decided to check online and see who was covered by my insurance in a nearby location. I found someone near my husband's work which was also in the same facility as a lab, so dealing with blood tests would be fairly similar (or so I thought). I set an appt for Jan 29, 2008. I was more nervous than I'd been in a long time and it was still weeks away.
Despite being pretty sure I knew what it was, as weird as this may sound, I was terrified to have it official. Like somehow it changed things even more.
After lots of praying, more doctor visits, 2 changes in chiropractors, and my official but unofficial self-diagnosis, I finally decided to make a big step and tell my boss. He wasn't my boss when all of this had started happening, but had, at this point, been my boss for 8 months. I knew he'd be understanding, but still, I was pretty nervous. But I knew I needed to finally know.
And, surprise surprise, he was very understanding, listened attentively, and offered assistance. I'm very grateful to work at such an amazing company and to have such a great boss. I've read so many other blogs now that tell such a different story about their Fibro journeys and how quickly many of them had to stop working outside the home.
Next I took another huge step and told 3 of the ladies working closest with me over a group lunch. And it went better than I ever could have imagined. Despite some differences, I love those ladies to pieces, and it formed one of the best friendships I've had in a long time.
At that point I started to gain confidence and appreciated being surrounded by people willing to help me, encourage me, push me on, and support me. It was amazing. I didn't realize just how freeing it would be. I felt like a new person.
Was it still difficult? Yes. Would I go back and do it differently? I doubt it, unless perhaps tell people sooner and get an official diagnosis sooner.
I continued to go an occasional chiropractor appt, get a rare massage, and await my first ever rheumatologist appointment on that dreaded day last January.
To be continued... again...
After that day at the library, I lose track a bit of the timeline. I just remember feeling sooo relieved to have a name for what seemed to be going on within me.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't immediately pretend to think that's all there was to it. I did a lot more reading, digging, exploring, searching, and discovering. I got more blood tests, more pokes, more prodes, more crazy testing, and more evaluations.
My doctor and chiropractor both indicated it could be Fibromyalgia (at this point maybe April or May of 2007), and that I should go see a rheumatologist for an official diagnosis. My doctor gave me the info for one, and I politely accepted it.
I know it's a bit odd, but at that point I was fairly confident that it was Fibromyalgia, and I wasn't sure I wanted more poking and proding right away. So I set the card aside for another day.
And it stayed there... for months. While I attempted to just get by and live a "normal" life, continuing to hide my symptoms and how bad I was feeling from most of the people in my life. I was embarrassed and frustrated. I didn't want people to know what was going on in case it really wasn't that, and in case it really was a result of my weight issues.
As I met more people with Fibro, did more research online, and tried to figure out what might have caused the Fibro, I decided my weight certainly wasn't the issue, and that I didn't really need to be embarrassed.
For reasons I won't fully go into, I didn't want to reveal any of this to any of my coworkers outside of just a handful of my closest friends there. I was mostly afraid it could possibly jeopardize my job or people thinking it might affect my ability to do my job. Not that those thoughts were necessarily founded, but that's what I thought nonetheless. (I'm a bit of a sensitive gal.)
Finally in Dec 07, I called that rheumatologist. She wasn't covered by my insurance and cost nearly $450 for a first appointment. Yipes!
This time instead of giving up, I decided to check online and see who was covered by my insurance in a nearby location. I found someone near my husband's work which was also in the same facility as a lab, so dealing with blood tests would be fairly similar (or so I thought). I set an appt for Jan 29, 2008. I was more nervous than I'd been in a long time and it was still weeks away.
Despite being pretty sure I knew what it was, as weird as this may sound, I was terrified to have it official. Like somehow it changed things even more.
After lots of praying, more doctor visits, 2 changes in chiropractors, and my official but unofficial self-diagnosis, I finally decided to make a big step and tell my boss. He wasn't my boss when all of this had started happening, but had, at this point, been my boss for 8 months. I knew he'd be understanding, but still, I was pretty nervous. But I knew I needed to finally know.
And, surprise surprise, he was very understanding, listened attentively, and offered assistance. I'm very grateful to work at such an amazing company and to have such a great boss. I've read so many other blogs now that tell such a different story about their Fibro journeys and how quickly many of them had to stop working outside the home.
Next I took another huge step and told 3 of the ladies working closest with me over a group lunch. And it went better than I ever could have imagined. Despite some differences, I love those ladies to pieces, and it formed one of the best friendships I've had in a long time.
At that point I started to gain confidence and appreciated being surrounded by people willing to help me, encourage me, push me on, and support me. It was amazing. I didn't realize just how freeing it would be. I felt like a new person.
Was it still difficult? Yes. Would I go back and do it differently? I doubt it, unless perhaps tell people sooner and get an official diagnosis sooner.
I continued to go an occasional chiropractor appt, get a rare massage, and await my first ever rheumatologist appointment on that dreaded day last January.
To be continued... again...
My Fibromyalgia Story, Part 1
On this special "holiday" that is used to raise awareness for Fibromyalgia, I thought I'd recap my story for those who are new to my site.
I started having some strange tingling in my left arm on August 17, 2006. I went straight to one of my coworkers because I was completely freaked out. I'm no small cookie, so I was scared, of course, about my heart. This coworker thought maybe it was a pinched nerve though, and not to be too worried because I didn't have any other heart attack type symptoms. (Whew! Although I know that can be a bit of a guessing game....) So he immediately recommended a chiropractor nearby, and he was able to get me in just about an hour later.
I was again a bit freaked out, never having been to a chiropractor before and having heard horror stories. But the guy I met was a really nice, gentle, Christian man who really helped me feel better. He also believed it was likely a pinched nerve, and started having me come 3x a week. Thankfully it was close by and I went for a couple months very regularly. But after a while, I started to have doubts that it was helping me, and I was getting close to hitting my limit for chiropractic care, so I backed off to once a week and then once every other week. Eventually I stopped going altogether because I didn't see much benefit.
I started to wonder how this could be a pinched nerve that eventually led to all over body pain. I was surprised he hadn't taken any X-Rays. I was hearing some things that made me wonder about what good this was doing, and instead concentrated on the bad things. I had to really be assertive about certain things, and didn't understand why he wasn't more proactively telling me things to be thinking about or looking into.
I'd been researching online a lot. I didn't understand all that was happening with my body. I started having horrible IBS and acid reflux. My doctor sent me to a gastroenteroligist who sent me in for a gastroscopy to make sure I didn't have an ulcer (I didn't), later sent me in for a gallbladder ultrasound after having a lot of pain in that region, then a gallbladder scan, and eventually sent me away with just some meds for the acid reflux and a "hope it goes away" and some slight diet restrictions. After months of avoiding tomatoes, orange juice, and other highly acidic foods/drinks, I slowly tried them again and seemed just fine.
But I still kept experiencing strange things, weird sensations, tingling, numbness, sleep disturbances, groggy feeling, lessing in my alertness, utter fatigue; sensitivity to light, smells, and spices; and various other odd things.
After 7 months of this, my husband and I ran across some chronic illness information. We decided to go to the library to look at some books to learn more about my symptoms and what was going on.
I don't remember all the details of why/how we got there, but I remember vividly picking up a book that Saturday afternoon (that now I don't recall the title of), sitting on a chair in the library, opening up to a particular section, and literally sobbing right there (thankfully no one was nearby and telling me to shhhhh!).
I had just read the story of someone almost exactly like me. Same symptoms. Same problems. Same attempts with doctors. Caused by a car accident.
I had just read about someone with Fibromyalgia. And a turning point in my life happened right in that library. In February of 2007. With my beloved husband beside me... both of us happy that it finally had a name... probably.
To be continued...
I started having some strange tingling in my left arm on August 17, 2006. I went straight to one of my coworkers because I was completely freaked out. I'm no small cookie, so I was scared, of course, about my heart. This coworker thought maybe it was a pinched nerve though, and not to be too worried because I didn't have any other heart attack type symptoms. (Whew! Although I know that can be a bit of a guessing game....) So he immediately recommended a chiropractor nearby, and he was able to get me in just about an hour later.
I was again a bit freaked out, never having been to a chiropractor before and having heard horror stories. But the guy I met was a really nice, gentle, Christian man who really helped me feel better. He also believed it was likely a pinched nerve, and started having me come 3x a week. Thankfully it was close by and I went for a couple months very regularly. But after a while, I started to have doubts that it was helping me, and I was getting close to hitting my limit for chiropractic care, so I backed off to once a week and then once every other week. Eventually I stopped going altogether because I didn't see much benefit.
I started to wonder how this could be a pinched nerve that eventually led to all over body pain. I was surprised he hadn't taken any X-Rays. I was hearing some things that made me wonder about what good this was doing, and instead concentrated on the bad things. I had to really be assertive about certain things, and didn't understand why he wasn't more proactively telling me things to be thinking about or looking into.
I'd been researching online a lot. I didn't understand all that was happening with my body. I started having horrible IBS and acid reflux. My doctor sent me to a gastroenteroligist who sent me in for a gastroscopy to make sure I didn't have an ulcer (I didn't), later sent me in for a gallbladder ultrasound after having a lot of pain in that region, then a gallbladder scan, and eventually sent me away with just some meds for the acid reflux and a "hope it goes away" and some slight diet restrictions. After months of avoiding tomatoes, orange juice, and other highly acidic foods/drinks, I slowly tried them again and seemed just fine.
But I still kept experiencing strange things, weird sensations, tingling, numbness, sleep disturbances, groggy feeling, lessing in my alertness, utter fatigue; sensitivity to light, smells, and spices; and various other odd things.
After 7 months of this, my husband and I ran across some chronic illness information. We decided to go to the library to look at some books to learn more about my symptoms and what was going on.
I don't remember all the details of why/how we got there, but I remember vividly picking up a book that Saturday afternoon (that now I don't recall the title of), sitting on a chair in the library, opening up to a particular section, and literally sobbing right there (thankfully no one was nearby and telling me to shhhhh!).
I had just read the story of someone almost exactly like me. Same symptoms. Same problems. Same attempts with doctors. Caused by a car accident.
I had just read about someone with Fibromyalgia. And a turning point in my life happened right in that library. In February of 2007. With my beloved husband beside me... both of us happy that it finally had a name... probably.
To be continued...
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