Saturday, October 18, 2008

Overdue Fibromyalgia Update

This is long overdue, and I apologize for not getting to it sooner. After being crazy sick for two weeks, volunteering at a pastor's conference at our church, working on getting back to full health, and trying to adjust again to my regular schedule... full out blogging has not really been on my mind.

So, here's the latest... there's not a whole lot to say about it. When I get sick, it hits me harder and longer than normal people. I was miserable for two weeks... beyond miserable really.

As I posted before, the rheumatologist that my doctor referred me to most recently isn't covered by our insurance. That's discouraging. Every time I feel like a door opens, it often gets slammed again in my face. Trying to figure all of this out can be exhausting both physically and financially. If this rheumo were to really help, ultimately it'd be worth the cost. But there's no guarantee of that, and unfortunately the first visit is always the most expensive. Specialists like this can run upwards of $3-400 just for one visit, and that doesn't include the tests.

Several friends have referred me to chiropractors they think could help. I feel uncertain.

I'm at the point where I'm losing faith in the healthcare system, and thinking very hard about decisions now before I make them. It's exhausting to attempt another visit to a specialist, to no avail, and it's mind-numbingly discouraging.

Today was a great day with perfect fall weather. We slept in (as much as we could considering our neighbor's dog barking right outside our window at 9 am - grrrrr), took a gorgeous 8-mile bike ride on our favorite trail near our house, came home for just a bit, then Tim took me to one of my favorite hometown restaurants where he treated me to my favorite fall special (which they only have for a limited time) of pumpkin pancakes (AMAZING! - if you like pumpkin), and then we came back home to "relax". I chilled out for about an hour while Tim mowed the lawn and did a little yard work. Then he came in to relax and I decided to work in the garden [we weren't trying to avoid each other - our timetables are just different... I can't work a lot physically right after eating]. So I worked really hard in the garden for about an hour, trying to get it ready for winter. I finally stopped when my body was no longer just screaming at me but it was so bad I could barely get up without my entire body spazzing out. And at that moment I knew I'd pushed myself too hard.

So even though it wasn't all done, I went back inside and took a much-needed break. Tim & I discussed going to a movie later in the evening, and relaxed some to HGTV shows. Tim decided to grill some hot dogs for dinner, and when I got up to go outside (to take in the wonderful grilling aroma) I could barely move. I knew at that moment going to a movie wasn't going to be happening. I felt like I was going to die.

It's hard to describe the pain. Because of the bike ride I'm numb, tingly, and achey. Because of the gardening I'm stingy, shooting, sore, and dying. It really feels like a thousand needles pricking me all over the outside and the inside of my body. It feels like someone pounding me over the head with a brick. It feels like someone throwing my body into the wall. It feels like someone squishing me so the circulation is all cut off throughout my body. It feels awful.

Needless to say, we're sitting at home tonight instead of inside a movie theatre but I'm glad to give my body a break.

I don't know what my next step is going to be or what it should be, but I'm praying about it and hoping for the best. Thanks as always for your prayers and encouragement.

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