What I Want to Do Vs. What I Have to Do

I want to clean my house, organize the piles, sift through the closets, finish our basement room, and prepare ourselves to hopefully move closer to work next year. / My body tells me I have to rest and do nothing today, because I pushed too hard this week.

I want to organize my photos and upload to Facebook, my blog, and Shutterfly. So many months of pictures still just sitting in iPhoto. / My body tells me that when I'm not doing the constant extra hours of work from the comfort of my home and laptop, that I have to put the laptop away, give my fingers and neck and back a rest.

I want to blog every day and keep up-to-date with my bloggy friends. / My body tells me it's just not as important as everything else I have to do because outside of work these days, I don't have a lot to go around and have to make sure my priorities are in the right place.

I want to cook, meal plan, and eat healthier. / My busy job, commute, and chaotic life trick me into making me think that I have to pick up quick food {not necessarily fast food like McDonald's, but sandwiches like Subway, Panera, or stuff like Boston Market, etc} instead of cooking because I just get so short on energy and strength - despite that I know I'd be saving more money with cooking and I'd feel better physically AND mentally by eating healthier foods, etc. It's a trick I fall for more times than I care to admit!

I want to be able to take the stairs every day at work. / My body, no matter what shape I'm in, tells me I have to take the stairs or I'll fall backward down them, collapse on them, scream in front of my coworkers, or not be able to fully get up them without having severe repercussions.

I want to be on the constant go - with friends, family, etc, and say yes to more things that I enjoy doing. / My body forces me to slow down any time I even remotely push hard. Still love the times that I do push too hard and do the things I enjoy, but I just have to be careful not to overdo it and cause a serious flare-up.

I want to be firing on all cylinders constantly. / My brain fog often causes my memory and cognitive function to be less than ideal. I have to concentrate harder and focus more intensely than the usual brain. And then I'm zapped of even more energy, which I was already lacking.

~~

It's all beyond frustrating.

But I'm learning more every day, growing in my ability to understand my symptoms, and am increasingly thankful for my Fibromyalgia which has taught me so much about human fraility; the strength, love, and mercy of God; and the might power of a Risen Savior who has redeemed all the bad stuff so that I might bring glory & honor to him in all of it.