Thank you for not minding my little break. I know I've taken a week or so between posts before without verbally saying I was breaking, I just got busy. But this time I needed to be intentional about it. Verbally mentioning it was in part for my own benefit, because I needed to be reminded there were other priorities and it was okay to say no to the blog.
Thank you for graciously loving me whether I'm here or away, feeling great or feeling miserable, rambling on about odd things or talking about important stuff. You guys are the best! :)
It's Fall around here. It's been gorgeous. Many of the trees are now past their prime, but the few colors left are still deliciously wonderful. I'm thankful for the cool breezes and the beauty of God's confetti from the trees littering the ground. Such a beautiful sight.
As most of you know, I work for a small Christian publisher in our book production division - partly with production scheduling/project management and partly as managing editor of our catalogs, order forms, and various other promotional materials. It's highly intense, a lot of pressure with deadlines constantly gripping me, and with a lot of overtime just to keep myself sane during the workdays. But I love, love, love it and am so thankful for a terrific job, phenomenal company, and great boss!
Tuesday of this week was incredible. Just a few blocks down the road at a small Christian college, the Evangelical Christian Publishers Association (ECPA) hosted a Publishing University (PubU). It's like a mini-conference where various Christian publishers get together to network, learn from each other, and remind ourselves that we are all on the same team - for the glory of God.
It was quite a joy to be there! To witness the coming together of various 'competing' publishers. To see how our God unites us, and how much we all have in common. To learn from the best and to also be able to show what we're doing and what others can learn from us. It's remarkable, really. I loved every. single. second. I thrive at things like that. Which is why it's so maddening to have a body that doesn't thrive there.
My mom & stepdad were visiting this past weekend, just after a full week with a very tight deadline at work. Weeknights have been busy. The past couple of months have been full. The past couple of weeks without a break for my body to recover. Visits with friends and dear little ones. A farewell party for a coworker. A huge wedding weekend. Marriage difficulties. Started a wonderful but challenging women's marriage Bible study with lots and lots of homework. Trying to stay connected and on top of all my emails, birthday cards, gift packages to nieces away at college, etc. Trying to stay connected with hurt friends and distant family members. Struggling to stay on top of it all and fading quickly into a spiral of self-doubt and fears.
All good things. Great things.
But apparently this conference on Tuesday was the last straw for my body.
I've been hit with excruciating pain and crushing fatigue. The few hours I was at work yesterday were barely manageable and I had to force myself really hard just to stay sitting up and focused. My brain was so fried from all the input on Tuesday that I'm not sure I remember much of yesterday.
So today I'm at home, resting. Feeling down and sorry for myself. Fighting an inward battle of frustration and guilt, while also remembering to stop, look around me, and be thankful for what God has given me. I know this flare-up will pass. I know life goes on around me.
The hardest part is most people don't understand. And I don't know how to explain it anymore. I feel like I've been run over hard by a truck. Or at least I imagine this must be what that feels like, sans broken bones or blood. I feel afflicted. Perplexed. Struck down. And I'm reminded.....