This week has really hit home for us.
We've watched a coworker of mine and his wife struggle with finding out at 20 weeks that their 4th baby wasn't doing well and would not survive outside of a miracle. They don't know if they will lose the baby tomorrow or the day of baby's arrival at full-term. Many abort the baby at this point - they will not do that. So now it's just wait... and pray for a miracle.
We've watched my husband's coworker and her husband as she went into pre-term labor on Monday at 23 weeks and lost the baby.
Both very close in their stages to where we are at now.
Both heartbreaking for us.
All of them believers in Christ -- struggling to get a grip on what's happening, recognizing God's goodness in the midst of the storms, fighting to stay strong and not lose faith, doubting, and wondering how this will all turn out in the end.
Because, friends, whether you are a Christian or not, know this. Christians struggle too. It's okay to doubt and question, all the while still focusing on God and sorting out your faith. My times of doing that have always brought me to a much better, much deeper place of faith than ever before. Life either breaks you and makes you bitter, or breaks you to fix you and make you better. It's all up to you. Even for Christians. Some walk away from God at this point and it's really hard to watch. But some, like I have no doubt these friends will, come back stronger and better than ever. Not wanting their trial, but not resenting God as a result either.
These are the times when there just aren't any real words to say to those going through such things, except "I'm praying for you". We cry for them, we wish there was something we could do, and we pray like we've never prayed before.
For Tim & I -- we are incredibly grateful for and humbled by the moments God gives us with our little baby... knowing full well that God is in control and that we are not. That our baby's life is in his hands.
Anything can happen and we want to soak in whatever time is given to us with this little one. Whether that's 5 more months, 10 years, or a lifetime. To God be the glory for all of it. He gives life and he takes it away, all in his sovereignty and perfect timing. And while we don't pretend to understand it, we have faith to believe he has a plan and will work it all together for our good in the end.
God holds all our futures, and we are so utterly humbled by his love for each of us. Even in the brokenness and uncertainty.