Sunday, December 28, 2008

Back to Reality

The past couple days I've been feeling a little depressed... missing the joy and spirit the holiday season brings, and the ability to set our problems aside for a short season. Now, back to reality.

Our campus pastor at our church this morning had a great sermon dealing with just this. It was a good reminder to us for what to focus on in the year to come, and that we can face reality and getting back to "real life" now that Christmas is over. Our hope and love for Christ should not change or diminish just because Christmas has passed.

I was going to initially give a detailed blog about last week and all the festivities. I may still do so, simply for my own ability to look back at it, but if I do I likely won't have time again until next weekend. I've caught another cold or whatever it may be, and I've been feeling fairly miserable the past couple of days. Just standing up and walking around was tough, much less cleaning, cooking, typing, or any of the many other things I really wanted to get done over these days off.

In part I'm feeling depressed because it's back to the reality of dealing with Fibromyalgia. Some days I like to pretend it's not a part of my life... sometimes I like to hide behind the curtain and pretend my life is normal again... I know that's not realistic but it gives me a little break from the stress and pressure of dealing with fibro. I'm tired of it today. I don't want to face reality... I want to keep hiding out... just for one more week.

But alas... I know that I cannot do that. Tomorrow it's time to return back to work, back to reality, back to routine, back to getting up early and dealing with early morning stiffness and pain, and driving my horrible commute every day. Yeah, no matter how much I try to talk myself into it, I must admit I'm still struggling with it.

Today I'm feeling very sick, exhausted, in pain, and trying to think to the year ahead and all that I want/need to accomplish. I feel scared. I feel frustrated that I'm never going to be good enough or amount to enough for certain people in my life... but realizing that's okay and that the Lord is the only one I need to please.

I hesitate to complain and be negative on here so much, but at the same time, it really is a challenge for me to focus on the positives. Sometimes just vocalizing the concerns/complaints helps me feel better and reminds me of the positives. And it's a reality of fibro... depression is easy for people dealing with fibro... it's really, really challenging to stay happy & positive when you're miserable, in pain, and discomfort all the time; when no one around you seems to understand you; and when you struggle to maintain any shred of the previous life you held.

Don't worry... I'll be fine. I know I'm in God's hands and that he is in control. I just know it's going to be a challenging week for me. Thanks for listening.


melody said...


I may not "know" you, but everything you shared makes SO much sense - I can definitely relate.

I will make a point of praying for you tomorrow as you return back to work.

Monica Gee said...

OH friend, I am so sorry you have caught another bug. I miss you today at work but hope you are able to recover and revive a bit. I am looking forward to resuming our Tuesday lunches soon. Praying for you!