Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Welcome to My Insane Corner of the World

I'm going looney.

For real.

Work has been crazy busy. Home has been crazy busy. Working out has been crazy busy and intense.

So much pressure. So many things happening at once at work that I feel like I should be cloned about ten times over. No joke.

But I love it anyway.


Tim's mom was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer a couple weeks ago. For more details, check out hubster's blog. Today was super hard. She was in surgery much of the day. There were family emails, texts, phone calls, and instant messages...and confusion. And waiting. And me wanting to pull my hair out. God bless 'em. I love 'em all, seriously. It was just one of those days. {His mom is doing well. She had the cancerous lump removed, tests done on some nodes, etc. She is resting and recovering well. We'll know more soon.}

A very dear friend of mine is going through some really crazy stuff right now. I can't go into details, but to say that it's gotten even worse than before, and it utterly breaks my heart!! I am speechless and praying my heart out. And going to spend the holiday weekend traveling several hours to spend as much time as possible with her.

My uncle's skin cancer came back. He's being given some medicine to try from the Mayo Clinic. He's had a bunch of testing. I don't really know much more than that, but we are praying for healing!

My brother-in-law might also have some sort of cancer thing going on. We're not sure yet. It's all very scary. Tim's dad died 4 years ago in August from prostate cancer. This is all hitting a bit too close to home right now and about to make my head explode.


I'm tragically behind on reading my favorite blogs {I miss you guys!}, I'm behind on uploading and sorting pics, I'm behind on calling friends & family, etc.

I have some other things going on that are difficult and I don't know how to deal with them.

Life stinks.

I have to admit, today I broke down into a tear-less {you know it's bad when I can't even cry}, freak-out moment at my desk at 5:45 p.m. {over an hour after office hours end} when I started to have a bit of a panic attack with how much I had to do. I felt like staying all night and all morning still wouldn't have me where I need to be. 15 minutes later I forced myself to walk out the door because I knew I'd hit my limit.

And I still had to manage a 45 minute drive home. That was a challenge.

You know those moments when you feel like there's just no way you're going to make it? It's just impossible? You know that in your own power and strength you absolutely cannot do it?

Yeah, I'd definitely slammed cold, hard into that reality. 

I believe God met me right there. In my deep, dark moment. And gently carried me through, reminding me that while I am powerless and weak, He is powerful and strong.

When we lean fully on Him, we can trust that His plans are being carried out in just the right way. I know He's forming and shaping my character through it all.

But in my weakness, I admit I sometimes pray that I'll learn the lessons quickly so I can just get through it and be a better person and not have to go through so much pain. "Just take me to the other side Lord, I can't handle as much as You think I can, I'm not that strong. Just do the work, teach me quickly, and get it over with."

I know it sounds awful, but it's true. And I know others who have prayed that too. We want to rush through life, learn the hard lessons the easiest ways possible, and see if we can just skid through it by the skin of our teeth.

God has bigger plans. 

God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows our strengths and weaknesses. He knows what we can handle, because He's bigger than it all and helps handle it for us!

His power is perfected in our weakness!!

I know that even all these things I'm dealing with right now are not bigger than God. They're not impossible with God. He can do all things. He can see the road behind me and before me. He knows what's coming next around the bend.

And He knows it'll ultimately bring Him more glory and me more good. So despite how challenging it all is right now, or how much I feel I really could be losing my mind... I know it's going to be okay. I know God's got it all under control, and at the end of the day, that's all I need.

Now I can go to bed and rest well, in the comforting hands of my almighty God.


Sydney said...

OH my gosh. Everything you said in this post rings true in my life. I will definitely pray for your family! Well done :) His power is made perfect in weakness!!

Carol said...

Prayers for all of you,your hubby and all of your family. Yes, sometimes life is overwhelming but we are given a strength that no one but God could give us... Tie a knot in your rope and hang on tight, things will get better...