When I started this blog several years ago, it was with the intention of spreading the word about Fibromyalgia, connecting with people online who have it, and for keeping my family updated.
Since then, my journey has transformed to a different type of blog. I no longer spend a lot of time networking or talking about Fibromyalgia. I spend more time journaling, sharing, and reflecting on life in general.
I just get so tired of talking about Fibromyalgia, because I want to be so much more than just that illness that is simply part of me. But I know I should still mention it occasionally, because really it is a big part of my life. It's with me constantly. It never goes away.
But it's often misunderstood, I get a lot of advice I don't want, and people judge me constantly, thinking that if I just lose weight POOF! the Fibro will go away. Ohhhhhh that makes me so mad!!! Also, I don't like to dwell on it and complain anyway. I still see it as a telling of my story, but I don't ever want it to come across wrong.
All that aside, here's my latest update....
It's a lot about consistency these days for me.
No major doctor appointments, no medicine changes, no major lifestyle adjustments, no big relational conflict, yada yada yada, blah blah blah.
The biggest struggles I have consistently are:
1. sleep regime
2. food & exercise monitoring
Good sleep is really hard for me to come by. I usually wake up feeling like it was fitful sleep and that there were so many sleep disturbances through the night that I'm not always sure I really deeply slept that night at all.
It's hard for me to even want to go to bed on time because I know I'll lay awake for 30 minutes to 2 hours just trying to fall asleep. But if I don't keep a consistent bedtime, that also seems to affect me.
I love sleeping in on Saturdays, and I know my body can tell if I haven't been able to do so even one time during a month. But every time I do sleep in, it also seems to affect me.
Regular bedtime, regular wake-up time... consistency definitely seems to be key. While I'm good with consistency with medicines, doctors, and general healthcare, I'm bad with consistency when it directly applies to my lack of energy and desire to eat the food that I like!
Needless to say, I'm continuing to learn a lot. Through my tingling fingertips down to my numb toes, and every aching part of me in-between. God's teaching me more than I ever could have imagined, and I continue to thank Him for it all, despite the hard days when I just want to put my head in a hole and pretend it's someone else's life.
But it's not. It's my life. It's my illness.
And I accept it.