I’m learning more and more these days about how attitude affects my Fibromyalgia. I’m noticing that the days I feel depressed, moody, anxious, stressed, annoyed, or just kind of down-in-the-dumps is when I feel the most pain & fatigue overwhelm me.
It’s hard to admit how it seems to affect me, because inevitably people’s reactions will be something like “just suck it up and deal with it.” Grrr, life just doesn’t always work that way.
Yesterday & today I am depressed. Not full-blown depression, but you get the idea. It seems like everyone around me is moving on, and I’m the only one standing still. I’m happy for all of them, genuinely, truly, I am… very, very happy for them. But I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself, and while I know that’s ridiculous, I also just can’t seem to let it go.
In the course of mere months, I’m losing several close coworkers to babies, moving to another state, and retirement. While they’re all moving on around me, I’m struggling to just get out of bed despite the pain, I’m crying at the drop of a hat, I’m grumpy, I can’t straighten my right arm these days without excruciating pain, and my teeth feel like someone blew them to bits. Each step I take is another source of agonizing pain. Every day all I want to do is sleep and sleep some more.
I love my friends. I am so thankful for them. I am happy for them. I will miss them.
It’s a part of life and I just need to go with it. I guess I just need a few days of wallowing before I get there and I’m content right now to just wallow. I’ll try to not let it last long and seek after the Lord with all my heart so that I remember my own selfish desires are not what this life is about.
Thanks for listening.