Sunday, October 18, 2009

Fibro Update

There hasn't been a whole lot to say as far as the Fibro goes. Generally, everything is the same. I haven't updated any medications, had any new treatments, or had any big lightbulb idea moments. I continue to have my ups and downs... more ups lately as my energy level has increased with regular activity/workouts. I'm overall feeling better, but I still have my moments.

One of those moments most definitely hit in the midst of our worship time at church this morning. I was feeling okay most of the morning while getting ready, but as I was standing for worship about 10 minutes into it, I started feeling some seriously intense pain radiating from my tailbone. I tried shifting, modified slight stretching/bending (about as good as you can do in church while rocking it out with the music and not draw attention to yourself) and it really didn't help much. Then I moved again and made it worse. A few more times of shifting and I thought I'd gotten it figured out. I would be okay.


One more slightly wrong move and...


In a milli-second I was just sure I was about to black out from the excruciating, blinding pain that rocked my entire body.

I don't know how to explain it, but I was slammed with such intense pain it almost felt like a bunch of elephants were all standing on top of my tailbone. It was really, really bad. And I got scared.

We have stadium seating in our worship center, so I just lowered myself to the edge of the seat and somewhat "sat" down. It took the pressure off and I relaxed a little. I didn't say anything to hubster, hoping by not voicing it that would make it a little less real. Plus he notices when I sit down or start balancing myself in such a way that he knows I'm struggling. There's not really much to do at that point anyway. I know I can sit down if I need to... we have an amazing church with some really great people and I feel comfortable doing what I need to in order to most worship God the way that works best for my physical needs at any given time. In any direction I look from where I sit, I see people I know and love. Despite that our church is about 12,000 people total (we are a multi-site church), the campus I attend is just a few thousand, and the service I attend is maybe 1,500 or so. I'm still amazed that we attend such a place, and I always feel so blessed & happy there.

And of course, I was so glad to know that the Medical Response Team member I know was at my service, so if something had happened it was comforting to me to know that someone I trusted and knew would have taken good care of me.

Thankfully, I was fine. Nothing happened. But it was scary. And the pain has waivered with intensity all day, but never got quite that black-out bad again... whew.

After worship, we sat down and I took the last 2 Ibuprofen I had in my purse. Our pastor got up to preach and I lifted up a quick prayer for him. Last weekend's message was incredibly impactful and a really, really big deal. He got up this morning and told us about Satan's fight to keep the truth away... that after 6 months of no medical emergencies in our services, there was one or more in each service where our pastor was preaching live last weekend.

Wow. That's a tangible way of knowing how real spiritual warfare can get.

And then suddenly, I thought, "Oh Lord, please don't let this week's medical emergency be me!"
*laugh, laugh * Because of course, our pastor was there live at the service we were in, and I was having such excruciating, blinding pain that I wasn't always convinced I'd be upright for the entire service.

I'm so thankful for God's protection over all of us this morning, and for our pastor continuing to fight and push through the stormy battles. Satan doesn't want him to share the truth. Our pastor stands firm.

And I am grateful.

Now... for a new tailbone.....


On a slightly different topic, at the end of the message this morning, our pastor read a very meaningful email he'd received from his mother who is fighting a bad illness and can no longer speak or swallow food. She mentioned what she's learning and how she's learning to be grateful for God's good gifts given to us that are often taken for granted. It really made me think about the negativity I concentrate on sometimes. And how I need to work on focusing more on the positives.

No matter how bad it does get in this Fibromyalgia journey...

I'm thankful I can talk.
I'm thankful I can walk, even though it's not always well.
I'm thankful I can see, even though I have contacts & glasses and can't see well without them.
I'm thankful I can hear, even if my hearing isn't the best despite only being 31.
I'm thankful I can move.
I'm thankful I can bend.
I'm thankful I can laugh.
I'm thankful I can swallow.
I'm thankful I can smell.
I'm thankful I can think, even if my mind is no longer what it used to be.
I'm thankful I can blink.
I'm thankful I can breathe.
I'm thankful I can stretch.
I'm thankful I can workout, given that so many others with Fibro and other chronic illnesses cannot.

I'm thankful that by God's grace, He found me. And chose me. And never gives up on me.

What are you learning to be more thankful for in your life?


blueviolet said...

Even in the face of your pain, you still can find so much to be thankful for. You're inspiring!

SnoWhite said...

Thanks for sharing your heart. God is using you.