Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Thinking about Going Through the Motions

Do you ever think about how easy it is to just go through the motions of life? 

Image from tamelyn

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I don't want to just go through the motions, I want to purposefully live life, seek after God, and honor Him in all I say and do.

But, the truth is, there are so many days when I'm definitely not living that out. When it gets to the end of the day and I put my head on my pillow, knowing I'm not right with God, that I didn't spend any one-on-one time with Him during the day reading His Word... I feel so ashamed {as well I should}. And then I realize I'm not even sure exactly how I managed to do that. I woke up with the full intent of that being a more determined day where I spend time with Him, and yet I allow myself to just get sucked into the full swing of life and scurrying around like a chicken, and before I know it, it's time for bed. Why am I not being more intentional? I want to be. I long to be. I want to seek more after Him. So I just need to make it happen and stop letting myself just zoom through the day.

Then there are times, in my stages of rebelliousness and selfishness, I fully realize what I'm doing and decide I am too tired, in too much pain, and too depressed to care. And I avoid it because I don't feel like He wants to hear from me that day anyway. {I know, I know...} I get to where I feel depressed and in a funk, and I truly just go through the motions. I just try to survive that day. 

No one ever said living with fibromyalgia would be easy. No one ever said I should be upbeat and positive every moment of every day, or down and depressed every moment of every day. There's a definite balance when it comes to this chronic illness. I can't be too hard on myself as it really is difficult and makes doing even the smallest tasks sometimes a million times harder. But I can't just let myself completely go either and walk around as though I'm a zombie. I can seek Him in even the smallest places of my life. I can pray unceasingly. I can thank Him constantly for all He's done for me and given to me. I know He knows my pain and wouldn't want me to push myself too hard either. But I also know He deserves more than I've been giving Him. He created me and sent His Son Jesus to die for me! For little, pathetic, sinful me. I want to know Him more, praise Him more, delight in Him more, seek Him more, long for Him more, and want nothing more in my life than more of HIM.

Matthew 6:33

Chronic illness or not, kids or not, crazy life or not... we are all called to something greater. Something bigger than us. To be a light to a dark world. To shine the light of Jesus through every thought, every word, every deed, and every everything. To honor God and bring Him glory through our suffering, through our trials, through our joys.

So my challenge to myself the rest of this week is to be more intentional. More determined. More motivated. Less hiding. Less slinking under the table, hiding from my life, and less trying to hide from God as if that's somehow really going to make me feel better.

A few lines from one of my favorite new songs that helps me rethink some things during times like this...

Tonight by Toby Mac:

Everytime I try to go in alone I get shut down,
Locked up and held captive in the clutches of my down
We go back, we go forth,
We go back
I'm sick with vertigo
Weary of my ways, my days
My absent flow so
I wanna feel a new day
(There's gotta be more than this)
I wanna live a new way
(There's gotta be more)
I wanna feel a new day
(There's gotta be more than this)
I wanna live a new way
(There's just gotta be more)

Right here, right now
Under the stars, I promise you my heart

Cause it starts tonight!

We wanna rise,
We wanna touch the other side
(It starts tonight!)
We wanna soar
We wanna reach right out for more
(Cause it starts tonight!)
We wanna rise,
We wanna touch the other side
(It starts tonight)
We wanna soar,
We wanna reach right out for more
(Cause it starts tonight)

No more going through the motions.
I want to soar.

How about you?

Image from winks211


georgia b. said...

yes, me too!

inspiring post, roe.

... by the way, just say when you want to meet for coffee. i'm open all the time... no job gives you that kind of flexibility! hahaha.

hope you are surviving this heat!

Lynda Young said...

I can't just go through the motions. When I do, I die a little inside. I applaud your decision to live purposefully for the Lord.

I'd like to know how the rest of your week goes.

P.S. I finally saw the end of Lost. Yay.