Saturday, July 3, 2010

Fibromyalgia on Vacation

A week ago yesterday we returned from our marvelous vacation in South Haven, Michigan. Ahhh, it was bliss.

I'm still editing the photos and working on a full-blown post about it {but then again, I still have my Thanksgiving, Christmas, & Easter photos and posts sitting in my draft folder... hmmm... I am behindm doh!!}. So for now I wanted to mention a few things specific to Fibro.

Sadly, when we go on vacation, my Fibro doesn't. It's really frustrating, because you can escape from the realities of life in all other areas, except how your body is feeling.


You know, it took me a long time to come to grips with the Fibro, to find myself through it, and to wade through all of the muck that is life with Fibro. But I'm not perfect and I still have good and bad days. I still have days where I hate Fibro. And that's okay, I know it's part of the process.

And the cold, harsh reality is that Fibromyalgia never takes a vacation.

I went on this vacation way overambitious. I think it's because of the exercise and generally feeling better most days. I thought I could do more. I was anticipating hours on the beach, reading books, relaxing, and just enjoying it.

Suddenly on Tuesday morning, mere hours before leaving on vaca, while sitting outside Panera with my wonderful, gorgeous, delightful, talented, sweet-as-can-be friend Georgia {check her out here at it's just how i see things}...

I realized the truth. I had gotten way ahead of myself. As I sat there melting in the hot sun {quickly requesting a move indoors after starting to feel I was burning up}, I remembered. I can't sit in the sun for hours on end. A) Because I have a medication I'm on that tells me not to do so while taking that medicine, and B) Because I get wayyyyy too hot too fast.

I used to love the beach. I used to love laying in the sun. It's just not realistic for me anymore.

And oh wow, that is sooo depressing.

So when I got home I told Tim I didn't want to go anymore. I was disappointed I couldn't do what I wanted to do. I freaked out and told him what I'd realized and he just gave me the sweet "well, duh" look like it was something he'd already realized but knew I had to realize on my own. Gah! I love him for it but was also a wee bit mad. I didn't want to have to realize something like that. I wanted to have my vacation the way I wanted to! I wanted my body back.

I wanted my Fibro to just go away for a week.

So alas, I couldn't do half what my brain was telling me I could do. I got ambitious still and took nearly 10 books on the trip thinking I'd be super busy reading and just relaxing.

I finished one book and read less than 5 pages in 3 others.

I love books, they're in my blood. After all, I grew up wanting to be a writer, and now work as an editor/administrator at a Christian book publishing company. Books are a huge part of my life. And while I read fast, I also like to soak in the moments. I don't know what I was thinking when I went up there with a suitcase full of books, as if I was going to have my nose in my books the whole time. I relished the alone time I had with Tim and tried to soak in those moments instead of just occupying myself with a book {but I did do so when he was on the computer or watching tv}.

Tim doesn't even like hanging out on the beach that much. I don't know what I was thinking. Here he is... behind the umbrella {he burns really easily}.

Oh well, we still had a wonderful, relaxing time away. Despite initial frustrations, I'm glad we did what we did, saw what we did, and were able to generally get away from reality.

Needless to say, this vacation made me remember to step back, take a deep breath, and remember who I am now.

And what medications I'm on.


Lynn-Marie said...

I remember how easy it used to be to plan our I have to plan for the fibro as well :)

Sydney said...

I can't even imagine. But I find it so cool to see how you look at it and "wade through" as you said. I've been reading this blog for a bit now, and it always amazes me. Wow!

Mary @ Giving Up On Perfect said...

Rochelle, I have no idea what it's like to deal with a chronic condition like fibro. I wish so much that you COULD get a break from it, though!!! I love reading through your journey of understanding and acceptance. It's beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us!

Patrina said...

Sorry, Rochelle
Life is hard sometimes - but we mustn't forget who we are underneath this disease. The disease may control us to a degree - but it will never overpower me. I refuse to give it any more personal power then it has already taken! I am still me! I refuse to allow disease or anything else to 'control' me....The Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need!

May the Lord bless you and keep you and cause His face to shine upon you - be gracious unto you and heal thee, body mind and spirit. May He fill you with His unending Peace and FAVOR!

God's wonderful amazing blessings be upon you and all around you...Life changes...things are different... but life is too short for chess. I pray that this disease is just a 'season' in our lives...that this tooo...shall pass. I BELIEVE!

Patrina <")>><
watchman on the wall
expecting His return!

Dogmom Diva said...

Rochelle, no it doesnt take vacations but it does give us a break now and then! Glad you had a good time despite the issues.

I have noticed that I don't tolerate heat at all fact when I am working in the house i break out in sweats..i was thinking it was hormones but I take meds for that, so maybe its the fibro..we were at my folks early this evening and it was warm in their house and I had to come home, I broke out in a full body sweat and got nauseated. Is that something that is caused by this hideious disease..ugh..I felt really bad I needed to leave..I dont think my parents understood...