Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Invisible Illness Week, Post 1

For those who have been around here a while, you know that I'm overall positive and thankful for my Fibromyalgia. It took a long time for me to get to that point, but I did.

Those new to my site, please check out My Fibro Story.

Overall, the way for me to best keep my pain and fatigue at bay is to exercise regularly and eat more organic, natural, whole foods.

But I have to admit the reality for me right now.

I'm really struggling. I think I might even be a bit depressed.

Not the oh noooo she's depressedddd and needs medicine kind. No, just the I'm in a funk, sorting things out, I'm tired of so many bad things happening, struggling with my faith, this will go away soon kind. 

I have really been analyzing a lot of things in my life lately. Going through a lot of difficult things. But when I look at or hear about other people's lives, I can't help but stop and think shame on me. My life really isn't bad. I know it could be so much worse.

But this is my life. This is my viewpoint. And for right now, from this angle, my life really stinks. I'm so thankful for so many things, but the hard things are really at the forefront right now. I know that means I'm concentrating too much on the negatives, I know.

I think I just have to right now for processing and analyzing some things. That's where I am. This is my reality. It is hard. I know it will pass. I know there are only good things on the other side. I know that sometimes we have to go through the bad stuff to get to the great stuff. I know that I need to be strong. I know that I am weak and only in God's strength can I truly be strong.

It's just a very slow climb out of this valley right now. My fingers and toes keep slipping on the rocks on the side and every time I try harder, I just seem to fall harder.

Every time I cry out for God's help, I feel ignored. Abandoned.

Even though I know that's not true.

Because I feel him pursuing me in little ways all around me.

I know "Every day of rebellion is another plank kicked out of the bridge back to God" but then why do I have to feel this way every day? Why me? Why this? Why now?

God, I am sooo overwhelmed!!!!! Please help me!

My Fibromyalgia reality. My life reality. My faith reality. My sin reality.

I will get to the other side. I can do this. But only by the grace of God. I know He's got my back... I just am not feeling it at the moment.......


Fibromommyx3 said...

I so feel your pain. That was me completely last week. I knew things could totally be worse for me, but in my life I was really down and it stunk. It's hard to connect with God when you are in such a funk, but keep trying. I hope your week gets better and your perspective looks up.
Know that you are not alone and others have been exactly where you are.

Sydney said...

Oh my gosh. I feel like we all must go through this. But, you can't help but wonder, WHY? This isn't fair. I don't deserve this! Why can't it be easier?
I like to think of His love in these times. To think of His sacrifice and how unfair it all was. Even Jesus said "my God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" Imagine. The son of God feeling distant from Him.
That truly breaks my heart.
Hang in there! You're not alone!

Lisa C said...

I enjoyed reading through some of your blog and your profile and getting to know you a bit. Thank you so much for posting about Invisible Illness Awareness Week. I hope you will drop by our sister-site too, Rest Ministries. I know it's very hard to live with fibro (I have had it and rheumatoid arthritis 18 years.) Thank you for sharing your story.