Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Invisible Illness Week, Post 1
For those who have been around here a while, you know that I'm overall positive and thankful for my Fibromyalgia. It took a long time for me to get to that point, but I did.
Those new to my site, please check out My Fibro Story.
Overall, the way for me to best keep my pain and fatigue at bay is to exercise regularly and eat more organic, natural, whole foods.
But I have to admit the reality for me right now.
I'm really struggling. I think I might even be a bit depressed.
Not the oh noooo she's depressedddd and needs medicine kind. No, just the I'm in a funk, sorting things out, I'm tired of so many bad things happening, struggling with my faith, this will go away soon kind.
I have really been analyzing a lot of things in my life lately. Going through a lot of difficult things. But when I look at or hear about other people's lives, I can't help but stop and think shame on me. My life really isn't bad. I know it could be so much worse.
But this is my life. This is my viewpoint. And for right now, from this angle, my life really stinks. I'm so thankful for so many things, but the hard things are really at the forefront right now. I know that means I'm concentrating too much on the negatives, I know.
I think I just have to right now for processing and analyzing some things. That's where I am. This is my reality. It is hard. I know it will pass. I know there are only good things on the other side. I know that sometimes we have to go through the bad stuff to get to the great stuff. I know that I need to be strong. I know that I am weak and only in God's strength can I truly be strong.
It's just a very slow climb out of this valley right now. My fingers and toes keep slipping on the rocks on the side and every time I try harder, I just seem to fall harder.
Every time I cry out for God's help, I feel ignored. Abandoned.
Even though I know that's not true.
Because I feel him pursuing me in little ways all around me.
I know "Every day of rebellion is another plank kicked out of the bridge back to God" but then why do I have to feel this way every day? Why me? Why this? Why now?
God, I am sooo overwhelmed!!!!! Please help me!
My Fibromyalgia reality. My life reality. My faith reality. My sin reality.
I will get to the other side. I can do this. But only by the grace of God. I know He's got my back... I just am not feeling it at the moment.......