I'm doing terrible.
No sugar-coating here. I want to be the raw, real deal.
I feel awful. My heart is feeling shredded to pieces. The pain is almost too much to bear.
And if I didn't have Christ bearing it all for me, I truly don't think I'd be making it at all right now.
So there you have it. The wounds are deep and infected. The reality of so many layers of burdens, heartache, tears, suffering, and hardship in our lives are becoming incredibly overwhelming and making me feel like I just want to curl up into a ball and hide.
But... in the midst of it all, I see, trust, and feel God's faithfulness and goodness. Like his showing me he cares during a rough-20-minutes late kind of morning where suddenly I look behind me at the stoplight and there's Monica & Parker coming to a stop. We smile & wave. Next stoplight we pull up next to each other and I get to wave, talk to briefly, and see the look of surprise & joy on Parker's face in sighting me.
It was the kind of morning where I could barely roll out of bed with all the pain. Physical and emotional. It was awful.
I prayed the entire way in about so many things on my heart & mind, and asked God to just show me a sign of his faithfulness. And that's when Monica & Parker came into view. As she & I emailed about it this morning, it really is amazing how God shows care for us. She was dropping off her hubby who was also running late for work. She spontaneously decided to go to Starbucks and made a wrong turn going in, making it longer than usual to get in. I had a haphazard morning of spinning in circles, forgetting things, and managing to do everything harder and longer than usual this morning in my attempt to get ready for work. Then I managed to get behind every slow driver along the 40 minute drive in today.
It took a lot of orchestrating of little details by God for us to run across each other's paths today. But he knew I needed it, and he showed me even in that minor event that he is truly faithful to provide for our every need if only we continually seek after him. Seeing one of my nearest & dearest friends & her sweet kiddo absolutely made an otherwise painstakingly tough day survivable & wonderful! It made me so thankful and I cried the rest of the way to work.
I'm so thankful for his love & care for us even in the small stuff!!