Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The Overwhelming Nature of Things

Making a baby and preparing for baby's arrival are very overwhelming things in life.

I always knew this from my family and friends, but experiencing it first-hand has definitely brought a new perspective to this thought I was never gonna be a parent heart.

A room to prepare, registeries to consider and lots of goods to review, finances to sort through, daycares to compare, work adjustments to be made, maternity leave to plan for, birthing/nursing/CPR classes to sign up for and attend, a home to prepare and organize the best we can {in part because it's literally going to make me bonkers - helloooo nesting...}, books to read and research to do to prepare us for baby/delivery/parenthood, pregnancy stuff to learn more about so this thing or that thing doesn't concern me, doctor's visits, more and more doctor's visits, lots of tests, annoying and also great advice to receive, gifts arriving, showers to prepare for {I've hosted so many... I can't believe I'm going to finally be on the receiving end}, information overload and trying to avoid panic, etc etc etc etc.

I have to remind myself not to focus overly so on the delivery right now. It sends me into sheer terror. I'd gotten to a place where I'd been thinking I was okay if I never did that. I used to watch A Baby Story on TLC sometimes and sob because I hadn't had that experience. Then I got to being okay because I was okay not being that person. Now if I watch it I sob because I'm terrified because I AM going to be in that place!! Oh. my. word.

I mean, I know women have done this for centuries. I know I can do it, with God's help and modern medicine's help. And yes, despite being surrounded by friends who love the all-natural, I'm not that person. Bring. on. the. drugs. I get that it's hard and that women have been expected to endure this for generations because of sin and the fall of man and what not. But trying to think of it positively like that still doesn't take away the panic of I have to do that!

I'm trying to focus on I GET to do that. But let's be real people. It's terrifying, okay? Okay.

So all that to say, we've both been a wee bit overwhelmed. I knew to expect that. And yet not. It's just different really living it. It's fine, we'll be okay. But it's still pretty surreal that WE are planning and talking through these things. I'm sorry if I repeat myself, but I just can't get over it.

Last Thursday morning we heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time. Oh wow. That is so surreal and incredible!!!! I mean, I never imagined anything quite like it. I felt like I was in a movie. Amazing. So amazing.

And then add to it recent friend challenges {with one major reconciliation/healing down, a few more to go}, a new leadership responsibility at church that we're doing together, and travel plans so that we can share this time with beloved family members - there's just been a LOT.

But just for the record

I WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY!!!!!!! 

I am loving this.

While needing some balm for my weary heart this past week, there have been a few blog posts by others that have been deeply encouraging to me. I'd really encourage you to read these great perspectives:

Keeping house in the rainforest {joy} vs. Keeping house in the suburbs {sherah} -- from my friend Sherah and her friend Joy's new shared blog giving us two perspectives on life. One from life in Chicagoland and the other across the sea in Indonesia. Love, love, love this idea from these wonderful ladies!! 

Are you in need of a new year makeover? - oh man, yes!! There are definitely times I wish we'd just throw out all the stuff in our house and start a bit fresh.

25 point manifesto for sanity in 2013 - just read it. It's amazing.


Happy 18 weeks today to me & baby!! Baby is about the size of a dragon fruit. If you can tell me you've eaten dragon fruit before, you will have my total admiration for life. What the heck is that?!! All I know is the pictures look really funny.

I'm showing more and more, and would honestly post pictures but I need to remove things from my hard drive first. I have no room left in iPhoto to download more pics. This is ridiculous people. I just never organize my computer. Who has time for that? Yes, my computer may speak into the fact that I have issues getting rid of things. Shush. 


2 comments:

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

Oh the baby's little heartbeat!!!! That makes it all the more exciting. There is lots to do and you're only worrying because you care so much. Things will all fall into place though. :)

Rachel Jones said...

you will do great - epidurals are my best friend. i literally told the athesiologist that he was my best friend or that I loved him?? one of those.... :)
Because of having it it was a super enjoyable experience for me, I actually wish I could re-live my births, they were wonderful, precious memories