Wednesday, April 2, 2008

This past weekend

This past weekend was quite a roller coaster. Friday I was having some family drama on both sides of the family, fielding calls from either people upset with me or people upset with others, and by the end of the day I stayed as far away from the phone as possible. Saturday morning, as you can see from below, we had some drama of our own before heading to the wedding, then dealing with talking to my doctor on the way home. By the time we got home, I was in a lot of pain, and completely beat so I just crashed.

Sunday morning we got up early and served at church for the first time totally together. It was so nice but exhausting (and we did it for an hour after the service too). Then we headed over to Tim's Nana's nursing home where we met up with his mom, and aunt and uncle (Tim's mom's brother) in from NC. We had a good chat with Don and Sue, then mom joined the mix later after she was done helping Nana eat lunch. We decided to go to the basement where they had a lounge area where we could have some privacy. We did some catching up, then Don and I took a walk and talked about Nana's condition. She is worsening quite rapidly and nearing the end. They were talking about calling Hospice soon as she's considered to be in the last 6 months of her life or less. When we saw her we were so saddened by her worsening condition... the last we'd seen her was at her 96th birthday party the end of February and it was amazing how much she'd changed. She can't feed herself now, is on a pureed diet, and sleeps almostly constantly. Even while we were talking, she couldn't stay awake. Anyway, Don told me he & Doris had a wonderful time that week of conversation and planning. It was also quite difficult to admit it was coming to the end, but alas it is and they are being very strong about it. They know she's lived a great life. As of yesterday, she's now on Hospice. God, please take her peacefully and swiftly so she will be with you soon and no longer in pain of suffering. We'll miss her here on earth, but we know we'll see her again with you someday in heaven.

After our alone time in the basement, we joined Nana's roommate and some friends upstairs for a birthday party. I leaned over to Nana shortly after getting there and whispered to her that we were going to have to leave soon, but that we love her. She very slowly, softly, and methodically said "I... l-o-v-e...y-o-u
t-o-o R-o-e..." which was pretty surprising since earlier she'd called me Ann. I got really choked up and had to move to the window to collect myself for a few minutes. Shortly thereafter I spent time massaging her shoulders, which is one of her favorite things, and later sat next to her and held her hand. It was a very special and sweet time for me. Both of my grandmas are deceased, and she's the last one we have left. We are trying to soak up the last moments and memories the best that we can.

After an emotional few hours with Nana, we headed home. I started getting quite overwhelmed making a list of all the things to do before mom's wedding, as well as with all of the emotions of the weekend. I pretty easily allow myself to get overcome with grief and emotions, so I was pretty emotional that night. By Monday I was a bit depressed with all of my health issues and everything I have to get done. Mondays are always tough days for me as they seem to be painful, emotional, and stressful.

Thankfully in spite of my little roller coaster, God is faithful and merciful, and continues to shine his grace upon me daily, even when I least deserve it. He has shown himself to me in new and wonderful ways this week, and I could not be where I am without him. I do not know how people get through such major trials in their lives when they do not know the Lord personally. If you are struggling and are unsure of your beliefs, and have never trusted Christ as your Savior, I pray you'll find a Bible-believing, Bible-preaching church near you and seek out a pastor to help guide you through this process. (Or email me and I'd be happy to share this with you!)

God bless!

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