Thursday, November 19, 2009

Feeling Stupid...

...And wishing I hadn't posted what I did yesterday.

First off, I think it was a little selfish and prideful. I really am so thankful for the things that we have, and I never want to take them for granted. Ever. God is working on that area of my life.

{But I also do always want to be as real here as I can.}

Second off, I was wrong. This car is not as suh-weet as I first thought. Don't get me wrong, it's still ubber nice, but while it's spoiling me with some features, I'm reminded of why we bought what we did in the first place...

Despite loving the smell of leather and it being homey for me, reminding me of my beloved dad, I also generally don't like sitting on leather {especially black}. It's too cold in the winter and too hot in the summer. It would never be a wise choice for this Fibro body to regularly have a leather interior. Also, turns out this one is not AWD. Doh! I even caught myself slipping with it a little this morning at a stop sign on the wet pavement. And it doesn't have the reverse alarm thingy. {Anyone know the technical term for this?} When I put my car in reverse, it makes a beeping noise to remind me it's in reverse. There are sensors on the bumper of my car that beep to alert me if I'm getting close to hitting something {say a small child, a dog, or our house when backing out of the garage...something I really missed this morning!}. The beeping gets more persistent the closer you get to something, and when you are really close, it sounds like a heart monitor flat-lining.

So alas, I am enjoying what I have for the days my car's catalytic converter is getting repaired {and hey, why not be thankful it happened now while still under warranty, instead of complaining that it happened so soon after buying it?}, and I will gladly hand it back over to the dealer tonight... not missing it at all because I know and appreciate how very blessed I am to have what I do have.

Okay, I might miss part of it a little bit, but I won't dwell on it, I promise.

You know, I grew up relatively poor. My parents separated the summer between kindergarten and first grade. Dad lived 2 1/2 hours away from us in Iowa {us in west central IL along the Mississippi}. We got to see him at least every other weekend or so. {They didn't divorce until after Tim & I [that's brother Tim not husband Tim] had both graduated college and gotten married. The divorce was final 6 months after my wedding in 2000.} My mom cared for us with a small salary but doing what she loved as a childcare teacher. My dad helped out, don't get me wrong. But still, we didn't have much. Mom was diligent about a desire to take us around the country. She saved so much so that we'd be able to travel. Every summer we went away for two weeks. I've been to all 48 continuous states, plus Canada and Mexico. Despite not having materialistic things and sometimes wishing we did when I saw what my friends had, I know I was very blessed to have this traveling experience. Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing about that. I'm so thankful mom had this plan for us and that we gained so much knowledge and experience from our travels.

I learned the importance of not living with, for, or wanting material things or wealth. I grew up in a house that was on the same deed as the farm right next door. My uncle owned it for many of those first years there. And ultimately even though it was old, rickety, drafty, and crawling with bugs, I often miss it to this day. It was home. No matter the situation. I was very loved and well taken care of, and my mom and my brother are still two of my best friends and the two people I admire & respect the most.

Here are some pictures from growing up:

My brother Tim & I playing in the leaves with our cat, Blacky {real creative, right?}

Me playing in the leaves outside our house {you can see the farmhouse next door in the distance}... with our cat... you guessed it... Whitey

Chilling on the couch with Cotton... yes, we finally got creative with names... and this is the cat I had most of my childhood/young adult life.

Can I please plead the 5th about my hair here?

And just for kicks... me graduating high school...

Anyway... the point of all this being, as I got older and dad would give me allowances, I found myself wanting more of what was out there. I was pretty sheltered growing up, and once we got married and I moved up here to Chicagoland, I found myself in major culture shock. Over the years, I've continued to find that Satan knows a weakness of mine is for material things I was never able to have as a kid... eating out regularly, a decent house that wasn't ant/cockroach/snake/cricket infested or 100 years old {nothing wrong with that at all, I'm just saying I struggled w/ it}, nifty cars, watching TV, etc.

That is my thing.

We all have our things. The things Satan can most attack us with.

What stronghold is Satan trying to grab in your life? Is he able to use it? Are you letting him frequently sway you with those things? 

I'm reminded of 1 Peter 5:8. "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." {ESV}

I am praying for God to continue working in my life, freeing me from these strongholds, and not letting Satan get a full grip on me.

How are you doing with this in your life?


blueviolet said...

What a terrific post! I had a bitterness in my heart from not forgiving someone for something. Although forgiveness wasn't deserved, I finally let it go last year and I feel so much peace.

Sherah said...

Love the pictures! They made me smile :) Too precious!