Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Overdue Full Fibromyalgia Update

I guess it's long overdue for a full Fibro update. Although I'm not really sure what to say....

It's been a long couple of weeks. Being sick really threw me out of whack. I feel like my pain levels and discomfort are all over the place. My diet is out of sync. My exercise is scattered. I feel like pulling all my hair out.

I'm not in a flare-up, but I'm not doing great. My emotional state is more of a mess. The fatigue waivers based on exercise and since that hasn't been constant, I'm mostly feeling every day like I could sleep for a week straight and still not feel 'caught up'. My sleep has been okay. Last night I didn't sleep overly well, but it could have been worse too.

Headaches. Digestion trouble. Muscle spasms. Short-term memory trouble. Being in the middle of a sentence and completely losing my train of thought. Extremely dry skin, dry eyes, and dry mouth. Anxiety. Depression. Occasional dizziness. Seeing stars {especially when I cough}. Off-kilter. Depth perception issues. Looking like I need a V8.

It's all fairly typical, run-of-the-mill, daily stuff for me. But like for most people with Fibro, I have my good days, bad days, horrible days, and the days where it's just...okay. I'm surviving. I'm still thankful. I know it could be worse.

But I guess I just feel stuck in the middle somewhere. In the in-between. In more ways than one. Confused. Frustrated. Exhausted. In pain. Grumpy. Trying to put on a happy face. Pretending. Going through the motions. Wondering how horrible of a person God thinks I am.

Listening to "Holy One" by Rush of Fools over and over and over again.

Face to the ground
I'm not proud
Of all You must see
When You look at me
I tremble at first
As You wash the dirt
The dirt from my feet
And I see my need for Thee

You lift me up
Holy One, Holy One
When I but come
You're enough, You're enough
You fill me up
With your love, with your love
To You I run
Holy One, Holy One

All other noise fades away
Like all of the fear
When your voice I hear
You're beckoning me
To come and just be
A child at Your feet
Seeing my need for Thee


You're enough to satisfy
When the world has left me only dry
Enough to save my life
When the world has left me here to die


Lyrics from Only Lyrics 
To listen to it, go to YouTube

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