I've been in a season of life where I'm just increasingly thankful for every moment I spend with family and friends. I'm bursting with joy for the blessings God has given to me. I've been learning a lot the past year or two about how valuable the people are in our lives. With my increase in energy and ability to do more things, I find myself even more passionate about celebrating the small things in life, taking pictures of literally everything, and working hard to not take a single second for granted.
Life is so precious, friends. We truly never know when we, or someone we dearly love, could pass away. I've spent so much of my life having regrets. I don't want to continue down the path of wishing I'd done or said things differently. But I find that no matter how much I long to not live with regrets, I still do. I get so into enjoying life, being myself again after years of hiding in the shadows, daily finding myself in new ways, and wanting so badly to spread joy and love wherever I go...that I catch myself acting like an idiot or so far beyond silly that I fear people must be thinking I'm a complete freak.
I don't technically care what people thing when I'm being my boisterous self. But hours later, I catch myself bawling my eyes out, convinced people think I'm an idiot, and that I really just need to shut up and act like a normal human being.
I find myself caught in that space of wanting to be myself, wanting to be noticed, wanting to be recognized, and wanting to just not care about any of it and be who God made me to be. I don't want to be a people pleaser, but it's really challenging for me sometimes. When all of a sudden after I did something, I realize what a buffoon I must look like, and I retreat into hiding and become insanely self conscious.
I long to consistently be more convicted of what my Savior thinks, not what anyone else thinks.