Somehow this year, it was easier.
And it was definitely because we weren't home, weren't in our usual context, and didn't go to church. It was nice to be out of our environment and with my aunt, and my uncle's mom to help them celebrate over breakfast before they left Santa Barbara.
I think the hardest part normally is watching all the other moms at church stand up and get clapped for during the service. I want them to have that recognition, but it doesn't quiet my own sobs.
I am really happy for those in my life who have kids or grandkids, I love hearing their stories, I really am excited when a friend gets pregnant, and I do love to babysit and play with the kids in my life.
I know everyone handles it differently but no matter if you are single and longing to get married and have kids, if you are married and trying to have kids, if you are married and desire kids but your spouse doesn't yet, or whatever else your circumstances are... any sort of heartache or emptiness you're feeling makes Mother's Day really tough.
We're each different and yet we share a similar heartache and brokenness.
In those dark moments, we that much more have to cling to our Savior, and trust that God has a plan for us no matter what. For our good and his glory.
But in those moments is when that is the toughest, and you just want to hide out from life where you can cry and cry and cry.
I know, I understand.
It's really hard.
Honestly another reason this year was easier for me than most is because of a very special note I received from a best friend shortly after waking up in California. It was crazy sweet!!! It helped me realize how important the role I play is in the lives of the kids around me, and in the lives of those parents. The nieces, nephews, and friend's kids in my life mean the world to me. I can't imagine my life without them.
Whether or not I ever birth kids or adopt them is completely in God's control. And I'm doing better with that than I have in year's past.
In the meantime, I celebrate the role I get to play in the lives of kids who aren't my own, but are very close to my heart.
Hang in there friends. In the end, waiting on and trusting in God is always more rewarding than if we'd gotten it our own way. His timing is perfect and he will give you the strength to press on.
Enjoy the moments you have in life now before they are gone.