As content as I generally feel, and as elated as I was to spend my birthday surrounded by kids... I admit a struggle was warring in my heart.
It's harder to swallow being married yet another year and turning yet another year older, still without kids.
Despite that I've really grown in this area, and am usually okay now* with the fact that we don't have kids, there's still those moments.
*more perhaps on this another time
Moments of hearing that Parker gets upset when they drive by my work building and they don't come in to see me. Moments of listening to my nieces whine if they hear we won't be back for a while, and then start begging for a visit sometime next month. Moments of staring at my precious 8 week old nephew and seeing his lips start curling into a smile, and the cooing starting to sound like little words. Moments of hearing my niece Natalie singing along with her mom a lovely happy birthday voicemail greeting. Moments of laughter and giggles with my best friends kids. Moments of watching how insanely great my hubster is with kids, and how much the kids absolutely adore him. 4 kids at Sunday's birthday lunch for me, and all 4 kids fought over who could sit next to Tim.
Be still my heart.
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| Olivia was mad that we were leaving |
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The moments pass, the kids misbehave, we look around the quietness of our car on the drive home, and we say:
"Yeah, we're okay."
But it still makes those moments hard. And the reality of getting older a bit harder.
7 years left to have kids naturally. Will we have kids of our own??? Will we be able to or lead jointly to adopt???
Or will we just keep loving on all the great kids in our lives?
Either way, we trust God completely and the end result is always amazing. So we wait. And trust.
6 comments:
Thank you for sharing this - so encouraged by your faith and trust in God in this and in everything. Praying with you through this.
Thanks Rachel! That means a lot. It's been a bit rough, but God is good!! :)
You're so unselfish to know that God has a plan, but I do know that if you're meant to be a mother, any child you have will be truly, truly blessed.
I know how you feel. My hubby and I have been married for almost 15 years, I just turned 41 and we don't have children, either. I've trusted that God knows what he is doing and figured that kids would be more than we could bear in our lives. Keep the faith!! :0)
Very thoughtful post, and God has given you great perspective and peace in the waiting- even though it's hard! Praying for you!
Liz, MIssy, Sara - thank you ladies so very much for all your sweet enouragement! Was really feeling down & out the past couple of nights, and direly needed your words! Thanks soooo much!!! {{hugs to all}}
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