Saturday, September 17, 2011

For Today...

... I wish I hadn't heard last night that my Grandpa D has less than a week to live.

... I wish I'd gone to visit him when I was last down there in June.

... I wish my uncle & my aunt weren't fighting cancer.

... I wish my blogging friend Sara wasn't dying.

... I wish my dear friend C wasn't fighting a custody battle.

... I wish our friends Don & Sara weren't waiting a year for their adoption referral in something they were told would take about 4-6 months.

... I wish my headache wasn't so bad as a result of all the crying.

... I wish life wasn't so hard.

... I wish my Fibro would go away. Just for today. Seriously, go away.

... I wish I wasn't feeling such an emotional roller coaster as a result of Grandpa D's nearing death.

... I wish I wasn't fighting a cold so I could truly enjoy this beautiful Fall weather and cool air. And potentially quite the impending family reunion.

... I wish work wasn't so intensely crazy with such tight deadlines that I just don't know how I'm going to take time off for my Grandpa's funeral. And it's seriously stressing me out.

... I wish I could have babysat my niece & nephew today. And at the same time, I'm extremely grateful for a sweet, dear sister-in-law who was super understanding.

... I am thankful for Tim's nearness to me and ways of caring for me in the depths of my sorrow.

... I am thankful for an hour and a half conversation with my aunt in Arkansas last night until 12:30 am.

... I am regretful for all the family drama on this side that meant this is the longest conversation I've had with my wonderful aunt in at least 6 years.

... I am worn out, emotionally depleted, and dreading the next phone call from my dad, but I am also extremely grateful for family, tears, long conversations, memories, and laughter.

... I wish I'd confronted Grandpa a few years ago.

... I wish I didn't live so much of my life in fear.

... I wish that I'd spent more time the last 14 years pouring the Gospel into Grandpa.

... And I'm so thankful for conversations with my brother & mom last night who helped remind me that I really did do all I could and that I shouldn't beat myself up over any of it.

Regret is a nasty thing. Boldness and soaking up opportunities is a big deal. I'm reminded that life truly is so precious and valuable. Don't waste your life. 

For today, I'm clinging to Jesus and praying for family members as we all grieve the end of an era on my dad's side of the family.


Future of Hope said...

Dear friend,
How I wish I could be there in person to give you a big hug right now.
Please know that I will be praying for you and your family over the next few days.


Carol said...

Sending you hugs and prayers. I'm so sorry you are hurting so physically and emotionally. Praying your burdens be lifted and that you feel peace.