Tuesday, May 19, 2009

My Fibromyalgia Story, Part 4

...continued from 3 previous posts.

So, how did I get Fibromyalgia?

Is it a pinched nerve?
Was it from a car accident?
Was it caused by some other traumatic event in my life?
Has it been a part of me since birth and only now starting to show itself?
We assume it's from a rear-ending car accident in December 05.
But there's really no way to know for sure.
And the person who hit me gave me false info so
I can't even try for any money reimbursement on this.

There are so many variables, and there's really no real way to know for sure. Somehow, for some reason, it happened. It happened to me.

Welcome to my new normal.

To which I'm still adjusting.

I'm trying to understand it and allow God to mold & shape me through it. I want to bring honor & glory to him through it all. I'm not quite sure yet how to do that, but I hope this blog is part of that.

I started this blog back in November 2007 after becoming more vocal about my Fibro, and realizing that perhaps this would be the best way for me to make a difference in this world for Christ.

I have to say, I honestly don't know how anyone does this without Him. Jesus Christ is my everything. If I didn't have Him to lean on through this, I would not make it. Of that, I am certain.

You know, my pastor always says "whatever doesn't make you better, makes you bitter". That is so true. I know I'm at the stage right now where I'm fighting bitterness and anger; but I want to get to that place where it's making me better. I have a ways to go... I'm not perfect, but I am tired of allowing myself to ride an emotional roller coaster. And I know that's a terrible place to be.

But sometimes when I step back and realize just how much I have to do to feel better physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally... I get incredibly overwhelmed. It's tough in moments like that to not just want to quit. But I will keep pressing on because I know that's what God wants of me.

Read more in this regard on My Thorn.

So where am I at now?

The doctors ruled out autoimmune diseases and multiple sclerosis, asked me a million questions, and poked me til I was blue. They've found that I'm very mildly anemic and have something going on with my thyroid that they can't explain... literally just scratching their heads and walking away from that one.

I will have to be my own advocate for sorting out my thyroid issues as well as getting the deeper testing I've learned about for Lyme's disease (since Lyme's can mimic arthritis, Fibro, MS, etc) and I grew up in the country where we got tick bites all the time and thought little of it.

One issue these days is getting my eating, exercise, and weight under control. I have issues. Go to the right column and click on my weight loss blog if you want to know some more information on that. But instead we'll just say here that since I'm 5'2", I'm classified by the BMI as morbidly obese. That is depressing. I don't think of myself that way... in fact I still sometimes picture myself as being that skinny, athletic person that I was in high school and college (and given that I'm only 30, it's really not that long ago...). I know that is something I really need to get working on, especially in hopes that it'll help lessen my Fibro symptoms. I know that the weight could be making it worse, although I'm fairly certain that's not what caused it. I know a lot of people with Fibro who are otherwise skinny/active/healthy people. It hits people of all sizes, races, religions, genders, and ages.

Another big struggle for me is that after 9 years (end of June) of marriage, and being 30, I'm very much ready to start a family. I deeply long to be a mother, but also know that my health is not where it needs to be able to bring a child into this world where it wouldn't be put at high risk. I don't want to do that. I want to get my blood pressure and health under control, and hope to learn more about Fibro before attempting to actually start a family. I'm there emotionally, just not physically. [And yes I realize perhaps adoption would be the way to go in that case, but that's another story for another time.] I'm slightly fearful of what life will be like after having a baby... with Fibro. I don't want to drop the baby, lose my balance, or have such a bad flare I can't function and provide for my child the way I'd need to. I'm not waiting because of that... I'm just wondering. [See Interesting Article on Fibro and Pregnancy link in the right-hand column, which I really appreciated, on this topic.]

Right now I've stepped back from a few things and am reassessing where I'm at. I lost my rheumatologist who left his practice in November, and I lost my regular physician who left her practice/moved away in March. [Hubster likes to joke that I chased them away. ;)] I did have one appointment with the doctor who replaced my previous one, and I really liked her. She knows about Fibro and helped give me some good things to consider. We'll see how that continues to go. I don't have another rheumatologist yet, not sure if I'll be searching or not. I have a fabulous chiropractor who is just too far away to see regularly (going to him doubles my already nasty commute).

I'm on more medications and taking more vitamin supplements than I like to count. I've tried powder drinks and some nasty uncoated pills that make me gag so horribly that I can't continue on them. I've tried more things, heard more things, researched more things than I EVER thought possible. If you're thinking about mentioning it to me, there's a chance I've already heard it. That doesn't mean don't share ideas because maybe I haven't heard it yet, but also don't take it personally if I don't use that information or give that thing a try [or get grumpy if it comes to me at a bad time for me emotionally... again, it's not personal]. Not everything works on every Fibro patient. That's one thing that continues to boggle and frustrate Fibro doctors and patients alike. There's just no guarantee that what works on one Fibro person will work on the next. That's one totally great thing about my chiro. He has 20+ years of experience with it, and an assistant who even has Fibro herself, and knows all the wide arrays of tools, vitamins, adjustments, massage, and other assistance he can try. If it doesn't work, he moves on to the next thing.

HE IS AMAZING and a true God-send. Now if only I could get him to move north a bit... hmmm....

On another note, I have to brag on my pastor for a bit. I know that he's just a messenger of the Lord and that all the glory is the Lord's. But God sure made a great guy to send as a messenger in our neck of the woods. Every week I am continually amazed at what all I'm learning and digesting... things I never knew or imagined.

Earlier this year, he preached a phenomenal sermon series titled Turning Your Trials to Gold, during which time he was going through his own deep trials (including battling prostate cancer). I'd highly, and I mean very highly, recommend that you buy it and listen to or watch it regularly. We bought it on both CD and DVD, and I listen to it nearly every day to and from work in my 45 minute each way commute. It has been a huge blessing and God is really using it in my life. I'm sure that it'll have a deep impact on you as well.

"He knows the way that I take, and when he has tried me,
I shall come forth as gold." ~Job 23:10

Please read all 4 parts of my Fibro story (quick links are in the upper right-hand column), and let me know if you have any questions. If I left anything hanging unanswered, or if you have any further questions or think of any issues I didn't address, please don't hesitate to leave me a comment or send me an email (rochellelearning@gmail.com). I'd be happy to elaborate further.


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