Saturday, April 5, 2014

A Beyond-Baby Update

I've been quiet lately in most things unrelated to Elijah. Every time I read someone else's blog, I just feel like I don't have much additional to contribute to the online conversations.

My world has changed so dramatically over the past year and a half. Ever since November 2012 when I found out I was pregnant, my world has encompassed a lot of pregnancy and baby-talk.

The Fibromyalgia conversations have gone by the wayside because I fear a new vulnerability - being considered any sort of an unfit mother because of some of the things I deal with daily in private as a result of my chronic illness.

My latest pictures have been pulled randomly or from my iPhone. We recently purchased our first Mac for our home {woohoo!!!} and I've managed to screw something up with iPhoto already {doh!}. Too. many. pictures. :(

My camera has mostly been all Elijah pictures. Last week I finally took some random pictures of random things around the house and outside. Maybe I'll get to share them with you soon.

I've had a lot on my heart to share, just not the words to say it. I just feel like everyone else says it so eloquently.

But I've been doing well, despite being super sick this past week. I'm learning so much these days - whether parenting, relationally, about our great God, balancing working full-time with mothering/housekeeping/cooking/being a wife full-time, or about how so many things matter so much less than they used to. And it's quite freeing.

Though these days - I've been enjoying March Madness... somewhat, though my brackets are certainly all destroyed as I know many of yours are!... and enjoying time with family visitors, get togethers with friends, a jewelry party for some friends, catching up on our favorite TV shows which we so rarely get to watch live anymore {which is totally fine! Elijah is wayyy more important}, and being one of the last people on earth apparently to still not have seen Frozen. {wait, check that, just saw it. great movie, but it was so hyped up that it sorta fell flat for me. please don't throw things at your computer.}

Elijah is really our lives. So completely. So much so that I know it spills over into everything else. What I talk about on social media, how I pray, lacking severely in my quiet time with the Lord, how I relate with other people, and so on.

I know that's not what so many of you have come here for. You either came to this blog because of Fibromyalgia, chronic illness, finding my recipes on Pinterest, or some such thing.

That's just not what I'm about lately. My life revolves around so much beyond any of that. And I wouldn't change it for the world.

He is such a gift. I'm amazed by him. Every time he shakes his head no, giggles at the hair towel on my head after a shower, leans his head back into me or Tim in a sweet/snuggly way, when he giggles hilariously as Tim rubs his head into Elijah's tummy, or when he gives me baby kisses, cries for me, can't get over to me fast enough, or laughs at my crazy antics... I can't help but feel like now my life has really begun.

Not at all to mean that anyone out there without kids should ever feel that their lives aren't worth anything because they don't children. NOT AT ALL. Please hear me in that. I remember those years. You have so many vastly important things to do and be involved in.

It's simply that once you do have kids, it just changes. Everything. In every good and challenging possible way. I'm so exhausted. I miss the free days of dashing anywhere I wanted to whenever I needed or wanted to. I miss shopping without worrying about whether or not I can make it through quickly enough without Elijah freaking out, screaming, or needing to be fed/changed/etc.

And I also don't miss those times one iota. Because I have an adorable, sweet, fun little sidekick that makes every pain-in-the-neck moment also filled with more joy and love than I ever knew my heart could hold. He grabs everyone's attention when we're out and causes me to strike up conversations with some random people, which we both love. He flirts with all the ladies, turns whenever a young girl goes by {uh oh!}, and smiles lots at all the lights, sounds, and fun stuff in the stores. He makes my life more interesting and oh so joyful.

So pardon me that things have changed so much around here. They will continue to be a lot about Elijah and parenting and babies and advice... because that's what my life is about now. I'm more than my Fibromyalgia. I'm a mom fighting daily through it and doing great because God has blessed me so abundantly that I cannot complain.


Rachel Jones said...

:) i hear you lady! xoxo
Oh and we just saw frozen too - lucy loves it :)

Carol said...

Love yourself, sweet lady, know in all things you are doing your best and what ever it is it's good. Being Mom is so exciting and raising our kids is such a short time looking back, so enjoy every minute of it. God bless you.